Separate Ways - Comments

*casually sings in the background* Just say you love me and I'll say I'm sorry I don't want anybody else to feel this way.

This was really cute and sad and just good

This was beautiful!

First off, I really like that you chose to write your own summary for this piece as opposed to using a quote or song lyrics, but I did think that the summary was a bit choppy and awkwardly worded. And even though I’m not judging based on layouts or anything, the white text on the bright red background was difficult to read, mainly because of how bright the red is.

Overall, I really enjoyed the flow of this, and I love how you balanced the object with the actual plot of the piece. I also thought that you did an amazing job with characterization, especially with the little details such as the gestures and the implications behind each word and each movement. It really made the story feel realistic, and along with the flow, it made this piece very easy to read and get absorbed in. I enjoyed how you seamlessly incorporated the object in the piece, as well as the backstory and emotions that accompanied it. Another thing that really stood out to me was how well you expressed every emotion that Alex was feeling without being too bland and outfront about it. You did an amazing job of showing instead of telling. I also thought that you chose to end this on the perfect note, and instead of being overly happy or overly tragic, the ending was realistic. It was positive, but you also chose to end this on a bit of a cliffhanger, which I usually find cheap, but I thought it was effective in this case.

While I enjoyed this piece, I did notice a few grammatical errors, particularly comma errors, but it wasn’t enough to detract from my reading of the piece. As I mentioned earlier about the summary, there were a few instances where I found the sentences to be a bit too choppy, but overall, the story flowed well. I have to admit that the aspect of this that bothered me slightly was the lack of physical description of the characters. Granted, I’m aware that this is an All Time Low fanfic and that most people that read this will already have an image in their heads as to who the characters are, but that isn’t always the case. I’m not personally a fan, so there wasn’t enough description for me to clearly visualize the characters. I’m not saying that you need to bog the piece down with paragraphs upon paragraphs of description, but there needs to be something there.

Overall, I did enjoy reading this piece. I thought you did a wonderful job of incorporating your object as well as building a plot around it. Thanks for entering!

omg this made mentear up :( but this was so good!