Grotesque - Comments

Ah, I'm in love with this story. Your descriptions, as always, are so flawless. I'm incredibly jealous. You create such amazing images without using a lot of words which I think is a super amazing talent to have.

I adore the layout, it's so simple and the picture you used is one of my favourites. Your summary was so simple but very...mysterious, I guess, and interesting. I wanted to know about Maximilian right away. I loved the chapter titles as well. It reminded me of Skinny Love by Bon Iver.

Bah, your stories always amazing me. They're so interesting and written so well and just fantastic!

I'll just comment your story before I go to sleep. I'll do my best to make it as long as I can.

Your layouts are always beautiful and you really do have talent, but there is only one problem to me. The picture you are using has a lot of different colors and I'd have liked to see a different color from the picture in the layout.

But since I always eat with my eyes, I still was taken in. I also like the way you put the title under the picture. :)

The summary was short and simple; clean and cut, but I still liked it. I really want to find out why Maximilian was once dangerous when I read the summary. It took me in just like the layout did.

You said that you were jealous of the images you put in my head, but as I read the first chapter you gave me images. Your descriptions were clean, but yet beautiful. This first chapter was sad, adorable and just wonderful. At first, I thought the title was meant for the girl, but as soon as I read the chapter I noticed differently. I like that you wrote a story mostly for the boy rather than the girl.

I didn't see any errors as in grammar problems (you never do), but I do see a lot of sentences that are too small.

In the first paragraph, His arms swayed and collapsed. Touching, breathing, feeling. Eyes waded blindly for sight in a dark alley, forgetting the world and hearing the voices.

It could be "His arms swayed and collapsed: touching, breathing and feeling." Or something like that.

Below that paragraph, you have a single line His mouth smiled, and despite all his attempts, his eyes would not. Because they could not. And then he frowned.

It could be "His mouth smiled, despite all his attempts, his eyes would not. Because they could not and then he frowned." or "His mouth smiled and despite all his attempts, his eyes would not. Because they could not and then he frowned."

I always enjoy your stories, but I was always told that sentences shouldn't start with a "because", "and", "but" or anything like that. You can do what you want with your story because regardless of that, it's good. It'll just look a lot nicer in my opinion.

But as I finished my comment, I just gotta say that the last big paragraph really got to me. I didn't cry, but I was very sad. I kinda got emotional.

You do have talent, you do give me images from your stories and I do enjoy reading anything/everything from you. :) I'll definitely be subbing, loving, and recommending.

I really did enjoy this piece and I'm glad that you got me to read this. Your description is soft and subtle, but there all the same. I love how your words aren't fake and forced, like some stories can be, like the author is trying to hard. As for the content itself, I really would love to know where Max had been that would make Ivy miss him. Or as to why ivy can't truly love him. I related to Max rigth away because when I'm depressed, I make speeches like he did- and they never work... I hope this is going to have more chapters? :) If so, can't wait!

And I love the song at the end :)

“I can't love you now, Max.”

“That's okay, Ivy. You never could.”

Why can't she love him? :( Max seems like a super guy who understands, but Ivy should love him. Right off the first chapter she should. The story, content wise, is really good. You can go so many ways with this and have so many things to be revealed with this. Which is the reason why I like it a lot so far, you kept it very open. Just enough to keep the reader at a level of understanding, but still curious of things, you know? Also, your wording and flow is impeccable and amazing as well. I don't know if you have a beta or not, either way it's perfect. No seeable errors or grammatical mistakes so kudos to you.

Can't say much but keep writing! I'm liking it. c: