I Wrote the Sky - Comments

This is very easygoing. And for such a serious topic it's amazing how well it works. The descriptions you use fit perfectly. It all leaves you wondering what really goes on in April's mind. Does she really want to kill herself? You have one of the most wonderful writing styles on mibba. (Comment swap brought me to this, and I'm so glad.)

for some reason my mibba is being weird and I don't know if my comment showed up so here it is again :D So I really like the story line so far. I love the idea of it and I think this will turn into a great read. But I think you're a little too vague. But maybe that's the point? I dont know lol but still I cannot wait for an update :)

This is sooo good. I honestly love your writing style, like you add detail but not too much so you don't drown out the plot of the story and your summary got me hooked. I really hope you update soon.

I really like the plot of this story but I noticed you're a little vague. can't wait for an update :)

So far this story isn’t too bad… its kind of interesting… I like the idea of it and the layout looks awesome :] just thought I would mention that… but honestly this is good so far… update soon? That would be totally awesome :] this story is great

The title of the story is sooo freaking amazing. it made me want to read the story more. The summary was amazing. While i was reading this, i was listenting to a song called "memory of a nightmare" it made the story even better. if thats possible :)

First off, I love the title of your story! It is a very interesting phrase that would encourage me to see what it meant.
The character of April is also really great with her nonchalant ways, but being able to only observe her erratic behaviors through Jan's eyes is even better.
Above all though, I really loved your writing style. Each sentence seems perfectly concocted, even sentences that don't necessarily hold much meaning like, "blended colours splatted on the white tiles." I love that sentence, along with many others, and your use of words is amazing. Keep up the good work! Consider me subscribed. (:

Wow. This was amazing. Just the summary was enough to get me to read more.

I really really liked this part though:
That’s what April was. She was two shades that didn’t complement each other. Every colour choice she made reminded me of the time when she was 14, she dyed the underneath of her hair jet black, and was determined to keep the top her natural pale blonde. I couldn’t look at her for months without my mind fizzing up.

It was a brilliant way to describe how Jan views April. I cannot wait for more and to see where this is going! subscribing!

What a first sentence! That is the best I've read in a while! Possible best first paragraph too
I absolutely love their personalities, they're so unique. I can also really easily imagine why they're friends which is something I'm finding increasingly less often these
Really well done, this is so imaginative!

Chapter 1: Wow, to be honest, I'm not really sure what to say. I did geniunely like this. They seem like the classic, "I-don't-give-a-shit" type of teenage girls. I loved the part where you said her life "was the indie-film I'd always wanted it to be." Genious line, truly. And then April casually throwing out the option of suicide, and because there's nothing else to do is so relatable to a lot of people I know who might say something like that. Good job.

Chapter 2: Again, I'm speechless. I loved the chapter, really. They seem like free wheeling teenage girls and they really are. I love how they just took a bath at a party, kicked (what I assume were two dudes making out) people out of the bathroom and just soaked in their bra and underwear. I love this story. Seriously. Your words flowed so easily and I found myself reading through the whole chapter without stopping. With other stories, I get bored and have to take short breaks- but I didn't have to with this one! Great Job!

I like all the details in this story. From a recovering cutter, normally people won't tell if they are thinking of suicide, but I really like how you put it in here. It is believable and I really like believable stories. As far as I can tell there are no spelling and grammer mistakes. That is really good. I wish you good luck with this story :)

I'm glad that comment swap brought me here. I very much like this story. It was just a really good read. I didn't find any grammatical issues at all and I definitely enjoy your writing style. Definitelty keep going!

story comment swap
The short description really pulled me into the story. That one line about it being the best day when April said she was thinking of suicide really says a lot about this character. I wasn't sure at first if the main character who's speaking is male or female, still a little unsure actually because the character kind of seems like a cross between both though s/he did mention the nail polish. But this was really well written and had a nice voice, different I liked it.

so i told you a few minutes ago but my friend recc'd this and told me that if i didn't read it she'd kill me and wow i see why. your summary is the bomb dot com. it feels like i'm reading a book, not an online story. i love it when that happens.

you make april so not seeming to the be stereotypical person to commit suicide/think about it through your description, which is realistic. because happy people get sad and can't handle it, and that's how things work. your narrator is brilliant, by the way. really easy going, soft; it makes you curious just what all happened. you work the cigarettes into the fic in such a natural way, it's actually probably one of my favorite things about your style of writing. you make things flow and flow so what happens next always seems completely natural. i think that was the best ending to a segment of fic i've ever read. it's like we're reading this all through soft pretty colors and then you bring up suicide and it gets dark, but then it lightens up again but not all the way because it can't be all the way.

the next chapter sort of enchanted me in a way that i couldn't really type a comment and read at the same time. the final bit, where she pulls off the rings; i like how jan(?)/narrator is so bothered by the rings; sort of shows that she doesn't like how things are when they're not right. makes me think she's going to do more with April to try and help, or maybe it'll all just happen and our narrator will be useless because she doesn't understand it all entirely either. i also caught the bit about her binging (I’d eaten a small roll, and thrown up several large portions of chips. I was getting better. It doesn’t seem like it now, but I was.) and thought it was worked in just right. you didn't put the focus on that because the focus is supposed to be on april, but it's still something we notice and something we read.

well apparently i don't understand the concept of a short comment but w/e this was really the bomb dot com and i'm subscribing because your writing style is unlike anything i've ever read before. i feel like i'm looking at pastels and all of a sudden bright blood red pops up out of nowhere, but gets sifted back into the softer colors to mute it. or that scene in fight club where he puts porn between the films. that's seriously the only way i can explain it, which is sort of dumb, sorry. just this is really really good <3

I love the plot for this story! It's different from most stories. I hope you update soon!

Very good plot structure. Had my attention as I read it. You devopled the characters very well in the amount you have wrote already. Can not wait to read more!(: