Let the Dead Bury the Dead - Comments

Comment Swap: oh my God this was absolutely amazing! The writing, the flow of everything, the story, everything is absolute perfection!
It was so sad and I found it a bit hard to read towards the end with the suicide bit, but oohhhh this story was so good! I often enjoy things that are a bit difficult for me to get through, and this was just enough to give me chills!
I'll definitely be checking out more of your writing because this was just superb!

I'm here to (finally) judge the entries for The Most Beautiful Lyrics.

Your layout is s simple and dark that it immediately set a tone. Combined with the lyrics you've chosen and the layout, I get a definite sense of the mood of the piece even just from entering the page.

Your description is just breathtaking. From the way you describe the fever to the way that you describe the narrator's undying love for her husband. At first, it definitely didn't click that the narrator was dead so that was a really clever twist to work in. The entire piece has this beautifully poetic feel to it and it was almost no effort at all to read. It's almost like the train-of-thought of the narrator has just been traced down on paper and it's so powerful. I almost feel like I've been pulled right into the world of the narrator, like I'm seeing right into the very recesses of her head. I love how the description of the weak being selfish seems to weave in and out of the words because it does have this tragic air of truth to it. At the end, you get this complete twist of emotions. On one hand, I'm so happy that the two will be reunited, but then I get this overwhelming feeling of guilt because they've left behind a child, family and everything else. In the end though, love trumps all and that's a...well, not nice, but it's a heartwarming way to end such a melancholy tale.

Concrit-wise, I could only see one thing that I would change. When you say and because tonight, the dead buries the dead, buries does not need to be plural. It could work just as and because tonight, the dead bury the dead.

Overall, this piece was a whirlwind of emotions and was written beautifully. I love the sentiment, I love the almost eerie tone it has in places and I love the way that you show their care for each other through their actions. Thanks for entering!

Your writing is amazing. At first, I thought it was someone living speaking to someone dead, but when I realized it was a dead person speaking, it became even more intriguing! I love the way she speaks to her husband, using things like "my dove" and "my darling". The way she speaks and how her husband behaves really emphasizes how deeply they care for each other.

Your descriptions are beautiful. You really put the reader into the story. This is really sad, but still so captivating. The last line is really the cherry on top of the whole thing.

woah, truly an amazing work of art. It took little to no time to read because i was very captured by the first paragraph of it all. Usually i fight my brain to come up with something as capturing as this - but then i feel like i'm rambling lol. Great job.

I got this on comment swap and I must say, beautifully written. It's tragic and somewhat poetic at the the same time. The wife dies and the husband is left in agonizing pain. She wants him with her, to follow her into the storm. he goes and finds his death but doesn't go back to her, and for that she is sorry and that's why the dead bury the dead. This is an awesome story, I love it alot!!!!

Holy. Mother-f*cking. Shit.

This was amazing. I really don't know what else to say, love, for I am completely speechless.

All the emotions you have elegantly written here are now carved into my brain and I can barely pull myself out of the character's point of view. This was really intense and heart-wrenching that I wish there were more to read.

I am so glad you told me about this story in my journal, for if you hadn't, I would still be lost at the reason I find writing to be so much fun: the emotion and images one can make with words is unfathomable.

You are truly talented, love :)

Words cannot describe how amazing this story is! It's written so unbelievably beautiful. I mean you mixed in so many different elements like horror, love, fear, sadness, comfort. It's all tied together so nicely. It's like a bittersweet story.
I can't find any mistakes, honestly.
You did an amzing job. You're a wonderful writer. Never stop writing! :)

Holy crap. Goodness, this story was one of the best I have read on here! Your word choice was just... flawless! I think it was perfect in every way. I really want you to continue writing. You have raw talent and I think you can create some amazing and wonderful stories! Keep it up!!! :)

Wow. I can't even describe my thoughts after reading that. It was amazing and sad and just wow. Very good job and definately well written. Keep up the good work. :)

Wow, this was really good. Creepy and dark, but in a good way.

I loved how you described it all. This has a ring of sincerity to it. When people are weak they are selfish: so true. The emotions in this, of the woman, seemed to raw and seemed to jump right off of the page.

I could feel the longing of the woman for her husband to be there with her, to comfort her. Overall, this was beautifully written, and I couldn't spot any mistake. Great job! =)

haaaaa this was fucking good ass writing :D i really like the flow to this and it has a very sad touch to it, though very human. :B I like it very much, really!! your writing is so natural and its very well written. and i also appreciate very much your comment <3

Something I took notice of right away was your excessive use of commas, most of which were in places they didn't need to be.

In the first paragraph when you were using animals and winter as a simile like comparasion I think you could have made that into two sentences. I think sentences really only need one comma unless you are listing more than one thing.

I can feel it in the vague sort of way that animals can sense impending winter, and though they run from the chill of the season, I welcome you with what warmth I can muster.

I would edit it to be

I can feel it in the vague sort of way that animals can sense impending winter. Though they run from the chill of the season, I welcome you with what warmth I can muster.

The sentence after that I think you can take out the "I" in the "never will again" part.

I know you're suppose to add commas before you say someones name and that rule bothers me but oh well, but um after the "my love" part I don't think you need a comma before the but.

Remove the comma after time at the end of the first paragraph.

In the second paragraph I don't really know about the comma between wretched and terrible, you only listed two words when describing the journey, but I do think you should remove the comma after journey.

Remove the word time in the nect sentence, I think it would sound better without it. I don't really like the comma between it and darling, but I think in English it is a rule. That's probably the only rule that irks me because most people don't always pause at commas when saying a name or person anyways.

In the third paragraph it would sound better if you said "I watched you become my dove." though I personally don't really understand the whole sentence. I watched you become this, my dove and there was nothing I could do to stop it. That kind of confuses me.

Sometimes I think that I do not remember those nights accurately, for the fever and the visions and the hysteria, but I remember that first night.

Should be

{b]Sometimes I think that I do not remember those nights accurately because the fever, visions and the hysteria. However, I remember that first night.

Personally I would use don't instead of do not.

After that sentnece I would start the next one off with the words "I remember how the doctor was....."

Period after shirt in the next paragraph and You can start off the next sentence. Take the period away from the other you and replace it with a comma and un-capitalize ran. Remove the comma between understand and because.

Whoa, whoa, whoa now too many commas in this sentence in the fifth paragraph.

It was hot, I remember that, and the loathsome heat grew only from inside my own body; outside, the winter snow had been storming down on us for weeks.

I would reword this as- I remember the hot weather and the loathsome heat growing inside my body. even though outside the winter snow had been storming down onus for weeks.

Reading over your original sentence it sounds like you have two seperate things going on. You go from talking about hot weather to the feeling insider her body and then to cold weather outside. Sentences should finish one though and commas what they do is describe a little bit about that But at the same time a paragraph also needs to talk about one subject and then you move to the next paragraph for the next thing you are talking about if that makes sense.

All in all it was a beautiful story, just quite a few comma errors. For me the layout went with the title, but after reading the story I don't really see how it fits with it. I think also you could have a picture in the summary too. Oh and also I don't it is just me maybe since my eyes are poor, but I had to use default layout. I would make the font size a little bigger.

First of all, the layout is eye caching and matches the story perfectly. SO much depth, emotion, and description. And it's only the first chapter. It's so sad that it almost made me cry. I want to give her a hug <3

Holy lord I had tears in my eyes by the end. The rich descriptions were perfect. I love the way you worded things and just putting yourself in the persons place. Felt like I was in their shoes experiencing it. The message in this can be interrupted in many way but this was beautiful(:

This made me weep. It's so incredibly sad. I love the way you describe the illness and what she is feeling. Absolutely beautiful. You have a very different way of writing, one that I adore.I've never read a story and felt so much pain for the character. Well done on the story.

I really love this. Perfectly written. Chills up and down my spine.