We meet, at last. - Comments

So, for a first aduld content chapter it's not bad.

>I broke the kiss and we stared into each other’s eyes, panting.<
I think this is one of my favourite quotes right not. I'd loved if you just had let them breath for a minute, or two. That'd created even more atmosphere.

He sounds a little like he's never experienced anything similar. So.. *lol* eighter he's a virgin (haha) or he's just never had awesome sex before. ;p But no, I can imagine how it must be to be finally united like this, though it's 'just' a tour bus. It can be just magical. :)
Emma is rather fierce for a girl who's not done this before. (I assume she's not done this before. XD°)

Okay, just.. the moment she.. >>looked up at me, biting her lip, with a slight blush of shyness on her cheek.<< .. that's one of those cliché images which appear in kinda every random fanfiction I read. It fits perfectly though, just.. gah, I don't like this kind of cliché. I'm sorry. :x
I hope she's just perfect for him, not in general. ;) Perfect girls are so.. boring.

And I question myself, not for the first time: HOW does he know? Does he just know? Or have they talked about sex before?

>>She was mine. And I was hers.<<
YES! Fluff!

>>“I want you to be my first, Joey Richter. Take me, now, and keep me for the rest of our lives. I am yours.”<<
What every fangirl wants to say to him, right? ;)

Duh, I think you should continue it. I'd like to see how the other Starkids react. And I'd like to see the saying "goodbye". ;p

xxx
Bradshaw

Wow! That was perfect! Absolutely perfect! You wrote a flawless scene, with a very rich vocabulary and great rhythm. I must say you sound just like a native. Well done, girl!
Just one point... I believe "ass" is a bit vulgar for the type of writing you choose. You can substitute it for "rumps", if you want to keep it classy. =)
Plus, you had the courage to describe some hot details that, well, I've never had the courage! And it didn't sound rude at all! Well done again! =D

By the way, you just had the same idea I had for my new mini fic. Before writing it, I guessed it'd be hot to make the scene inside their bus. It seems we have a mind connection! haha :D

I love your personal way to describe the moment. You can write every tiny detail, which makes everything way more interesting to read. Good job, girl! You've got a talent! Plus, I must confess that reading it has helped me with some good ideas. Like, it will come a time when you'll feel just like I feel now: that you're always describing the scenes with the same words. Reading this chapter help me to figure out new ways to write. You're being an inspiration for me! And believe me, this is a great compliment an author can recieve. Can't wait to read the next chapter. It looks like it's gonna be HOT. :D

*laughs* >Can we get drunk?< is just one of the questions I heard the other night from one girl of my class

Joe is.. a good friend. Apparently. I think he's deserved a big, big can of beer. Or maybe two. Or fifty. XD

I wonder, how did this whole relationship get on? How did it come he replied her, how did they come to talk? Do they have inside jokes?

And another question: has she planned this whole thing? She seems quite sure for the fact they just met.. kind of five minutes ago. No insecurities?
(And now here would be a comment about what I think of guys who rubb themselves on you. But no, that's just lezbo-cliché. Lol.)

..Where is the fond with raising eyebrows? *laughs* I'd totally need one right now.

I got myself smiling while I was reading this. You're very good, girl! And you were saying you weren't as good as I am. Come on. Your writing is so much better!

Chapter Two just starts of with making me smile: >Saying I was "excited" was an understatement.<
I can only imagine how bouncy he must be. *laughs* And how he drives Joe and the other StarKids nuts. It's all kinds of sweet how he's looking out for her and tries at the same time not to.
But he's used to the crowds, just.. not to the thought of Emma's being there. Aw, I feel with his freaking-out!

>You are even sexier in person.<
I laughed out loud. I have the feeling I'm going to love Emma by the end of the chapter.

He's always the first one? I should have a look on some tour vids, should I? ;)

>Joe kicked me under the table a few times, during the signing session. A warning to get my shit together and calm the fuck down. I had never felt like that before.<

Yes! I like Joe. XD May I hug him somehow? He seems to be a pretty good friend.

Joeys behaviour on stage is.. is this every musician and actor and whoever on stage experiences when they're on stage? I always wondered.
*lol* Ah, now I get the picture!

How did he know it was her? Oh - picture. Silly me.
This moment when he sees her is.. a little magic. Though it's not even a minute, time freezes. That's how it's supposed to be! (though I might just be a silly romantic sometimes)
Joey, you got a few really awesome ideas. But I don't really want to know what the Lauren and the others must think. *lol* Thank God he's got Joe. ;)
Aw. Just, aaaaaw! I think I got my portion cotton candy right now.

>Shit. I hadn’t thought of that.<
Nailed it! *lol*

Joey is.. a dork. But one you like. *lol* "oooops on the head", that's awesome.

So.. what'll happening? Don't tease too much. ;)

xxx
Bradshaw

Hey Wats :3
I'm working it through right now, so this is kind of.. live-commenting. It's long, so I hope you don't mind. ;}

The whole chapter sounds very like.. you. I can hardly explain it, but it's the only thing I could think during the whole first few sentences I read.

As you know, I'm not really into Team Starkid (shame on me, I know), but I got the few group dynamics you spread throughout the chapter. I like his interaction with Joe (I guess they're pretty good friends, huh? ;) )

>I beamed at him and shook my head. I looked at my friends, how much we'd grown up together, how happy we all were that this moment had finally arrived. It took years, but we finally made it.<

I think I just found one of my favourite quotes. It's this bright, beaming good-vibrations-mood I always feel whenever I'm travelling. You caught it.

Oh, technology is mean! My phone's freakin' lame too, I can totally feel his pain. *lol*

A.. unique relationship. *giggles* Sorry, I just had to hink of other, certain special relationships. Imagine me clearing my throat, let's get back to business.
Emma is an own character, yes? It's always difficult not to let them be too.. special, too awesome, I think. As far as I can tell, she's nice.

>..and we had never met<
Nailed it!

Oh, I can't wait for the two of them to meet!
The first time you meet someone you care about is.. special. In any ways. I'm curious how'll that go. I like how he takes everything by it's time. And his secret wish to.. be with her.
It's crazy how well I feel like I could relate right now.
His text is weird, but not in a.. weird-weird way. I like the way his mind seems to work. Oh, and I had this picture of him in my mind - bright blue bowtie, a small, sweet smile hidden behind his moustache. *giggles*

Three years is a long time, how could they take it?
He's into planning, isn't he? And he's got a sense of romance. *laughs* A huuuuuuge sense of romance. Man, what a big gesture.. but somehow, I can get his point. He wants this "first time" they share to be really special, huh?

Okay, I squeed at the "i love you". Loudly. (My family is highly aware I'm a freak. I hope you realised that, too. *lol*)

I'm carrying on to chapter two! *laughs*
xxx
Bradshaw

Aaaaawwww... Just, like, I feel... Awwww. You have the cutest ideas! My heart is melting!