November 17th, 2013 at 12:29pm
~Comment Swap~
This sounds very interesting!
I like the title of this and the layout is simple :D. I'm already in love with the way you write. Really good chapters. I can't wait to see where this goes. And your pictures of Carmen,Delia and Evan are so pretty - so I like that very much.I have no words to describe my excitement!This is amazing so far! :D.Can't wait to read more of it.You give much detail, you paint the picture right in front of us. Let me mention how you have an easy flow.I'm going to recommend your story. Keep up the good work.
Summary - The summary is really nice. Leaves a lot to be wanted so it really captivates a reader into actually going and reading your story.
Chapter One - First thing I notice is you adding too much description into the story in a very messy way. Also, the way you describe sort of doesn't flow very well together and kind of sloppy. Otherwise, it's not exactly that bad. Otherwise, the story actually flows pretty well. End your quotations with a period or a comma as it signifies the end of a quote. Do not leave open quotes (example: "I am John" he said - but rather - "I am John," he said). Otherwise it's much as if you wrote a run-on sentence and it makes it hard to read.
Chapter Two - As much as I understand it's a filler, don't rush fillers. It makes it seem like you're just trying to get the piece over with, which I'm sure you are, and leaves it sloppy. Especially at the end where you literally had one paragraph describe what seems like such a giant amount of events.
Chapter Three - This is actually where it seems you have improved and gone much better with the flow of your story; this is obviously the part that you wanted to get to hence why it seems you took the more care and detail into it. This is also where your quotes seem to actually come together. If you can keep the rest of your story in the same limit as this chapter, you are off to writing a very nice piece of 1D fanfiction.
Comment Summary - All in all, I'm not a 1D fan so it's not exactly my cup of tea but it would be interesting for me to peruse if it was with other characters. Keep the quotes closed, keep the details from piling onto each other, and you have got a good story :)