Real[m]ity - Comments

This was quite interesting! I do love fantasy.

Your layout is simple, but pretty. I like it! It doesn't distract me from your writing, but at the same time it's visually pleasing. Good work.

I felt there was a little bit too much dialogue in comparison to narrative paragraphs... More description would be nice. However, from the dialogue I read, I was quite amused by some of the lines in here. Very amusing characters.

Just add a little more description, and you're golden. Good work!

-Joe

Wow!! This was so cool!! I mean, it was kind of fascinating.....I thought everything was going on before my eyes!! Also, I think I love Amoretta. She one hell of a character! The way she carries herself is simply impressive....and....well she's just plain amazing. And I don't know why, but I'm not liking that Marcus guy.....No offense, just that I ended up not liking him haha!
Now for the layout, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Its sooo good and decent. And I Love the name 'Hunter'.....It reminds me of many good things.....And I should also say that the prologue was one of the best starts that I ever read over here.
And I like that Master Adair dude so much!! He has a Sirius-like air about him and he's splendid! (Er...I do hope you know Sirius Black).....
Now the title of the story. That's EPIC and UNIQUE!! First time I saw this, I thought there was a typing error.....Jeez...that was simply astounding.
Okay as far as two worlds are concerned, I'm a biiiiig fan of fantasy and things like that. I'd like you to give us a little more info of the Realm....that would be so nice <3 And I hope Amoretta doesn't undergo major changes...I mean, I like her the way she is...so dignified <3
Oops! I think I've been typing for way too long....sorry.....But I should say, this a great work!
Lastly, Update soon! :D

I only had time to read until the first chapter, but I have to say it was truly spectacular. I definitely want more! It drew me in from the first paragraph. I wanted to know who Aidair and Hunter are and more about Amoretta and the realm. And also about her friends at college(?) This is for sure one of the most creative things I have read.

You definitely know how to pull someone in. A lot of stories are fairly boring at the beginning, but with this one, I was already curious about where thing would go. I can't wait until more characters and plots unfold; you've definitely gained me as a subscriber!
Here are just a few things you might take into consideration: I saw "it's" used instead of "its" a couple of times. Remember that "it's" means "it is," while "its" is possessive. Also, the first word after a quote does not have to be capitalized if it is not a proper noun. For example:
“I know, I know, Master Adair, but this process isn’t an easy one,” The shorter man grumbled
You don't need to capitalize the word "the" after the quote that has been said.

Other than that, I didn't see any problems that were too obvious--the problems I pointed out were minimal anyways. I really can't wait for things to unfold and have many of my questions answered! Oh, and your title is GENIUS! Very creative and unique, I love it. :)

May I just saw WOW. your writing is incredible, you drew me in right from the start. I'm not one for magical fantasy, but this held my interest straight to the end. The Lurkers really fascinate me; I hope you go more in depth with them in the future. There were a few minor errors, but nothing too terrible, just a few words that should have been plural instead of singular.

I have to say I am a magical fantasy lover and the way you word things is just amzing. May I say that you have one of the ost prettiest layouts and i think its magnifisent. Your suMMAry is very captivating and I think that anyone who reads it will deffinatly want to read more. I don't really understand the the title. Other than that I think you have an excellent story going. May I suggesT THat you write a book? Please consider. We need writers like you.

Hi, I like the story here are some thing that I disliked it hard to follow, and i think you could use less detail and the story is a little coppy. Thing that I like was the characters, and how they act aorund each other, and it unlike any story I have read, which is a good thing.

Your title is interesting, it's different and once I understood the idea behind the story the title made sense.
I like that your story is really well written, one thing I would critisize though is sometimes I think there's too much detail. For example, in the first chapter at the end you write 'with a hint of a smug smile'. I think that this would be a lot nicer if you just said - with a hint of a smile or with a hint of smugness.
Otherwise I think that this story has a lot of potential and I really like it!

I will be honest: I did not read this story. I didn't simply because there are several mistakes in the summary that need to be fixed, and when I find several mistakes in the summary, I assume the entire story continues at about that rate.

For example, There is a Realm beside reality. Reality doesn’t know of the Realm’s existence, but the Realm know of reality. 'beside' should be 'besides', and 'Realm know of reality' should be 'Realm knows of reality'. Those little problems really stand out—they create dissonance, and make the reading choppy. There were also spelling mistakes including 'dissapate' which isn't a word, but I think you were trying for 'dissipate'. Luckily, these mistakes are quick fixes. If you'll read over your summary, and take the time to properly edit it then this story would already be five times better.

The premiss is really interesting. The characters are fascinating, and you seem to have worked quite hard to develop an original story line. This story has a lot of potential, and I would be very interested in giving it a second chance once the multitude of mistakes are fixed. So good luck, and keep writing! The only way to get better is to keep writing!

I have never read a story like this one, so this was a nice change of pace! This is very original and I think it is going to have a good plot! The prologue was really good and it definitely got me intrigued. You did a really good job introducing the story and I can't wait to see where you go with it!

I like how unique your title is. It confused me for a moment until I read the summary, but it gives it an interesting feel to it. The beginning of chapter one is very interesting! Adair seems like an intriguing character. I want to know more about him! This will definitely become a great story!!! Please, keep writing!!! :)

Very interesting story. Nice layout by the way. I always like these stories that mix two worlds/ realms. I find it very intriguing. The way it's written in third person make the story ominous in a way, which is good and creates an air of mystery to it. Keep up the good work :)

This is definitely an unique story. The summary really piqued my interest. The prologue was a tad confusing but in a good way - it shrouded the story in mystery and left me asking many questions. Who is the woman? What's her importance?

The first chapter was also a bit confusing. Again, it wasn't a bad thing because I have a feeling a story like this - an idea like this - will be a bit confusing as it unravels, but everything will be clear in the end. Anyway, I like where this is going so far. It's pretty nifty that the princess is in the world, disguising herself under a normal facade.

This is a good story, very well written and a very original idea. I haven't seen anything like this and that's a good thing because I'm always looking for different and unique stories to read. Anyways, you did a swell job on it.

- Greg.

The title is different.

The prologue is short, but you've got me wondering who this crazy woman is (is she the Eternal Princess?).

The beginning of the first chapter has me wondering what happened to the princess, and the changes in the point of view have me thinking that Amoretta ties into this, and I liked the line before the break--"She's fatal."--for some reason.

As I read on, I could see that Amoretta does indeed play a big role in this.

So, overall this is an interesting read. I think that there are some things that you could work on, but they're pretty minimal. For example, don't be afraid to use the word 'said', a word that I hardly see in this story. "Growling," "barking," and "hissing," (among other words) are okay to use, but there is nothing wrong with having a character simply "say" something. A reader can just skim over the word "said" (or "asked") but exotic verbs tend to pull them out of the story.

I live the way you've started this is very well done its a little short but not bad the first chapter actually has me inrested in what the rest of the story shall be about I'm not in to this Genre of writing but I'm going to give it a try

Much <3 Kat