Let It Pour - Comments

  • NicoThommy_2006

    NicoThommy_2006 (100)

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    love it!!! I wonder who has to read my Solangelo fanfic
    October 20th, 2020 at 05:08pm
  • Sadistic Silence

    Sadistic Silence (100)

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    I think you should keep the new chapter.
    January 7th, 2013 at 05:53pm
  • LivE.LiFe.RanDoM

    LivE.LiFe.RanDoM (100)

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    As said previously, the opening paragraph is very interesting. I would suggest tightening up some of the sentence structure. I'm not sure if you were trying to go for parallelism or anaphora or... just being dramatic, but it almost begins to drag, especially when most of the sentences begin with some varient of "I" and the narrator is unknown though assumed to be Christina. Continuing with the chapter you then say time skips in brackets. I personally am not a fan of that. If there's a change in time I prefer to just write about it in the story, separations (such as dashes) aren't as bothersome and don't interrupt the flow of the story, yet are just as effective.
    And although I found the premise interesting, it would have been nice to know something about the story before opening the first chapter. When you look at the summary all you get is a quote in which I assume has significance and some character pictures, but I don't know how anything connects or what I should be looking for or (to put it bluntly) why I care. I suggest giving the chapters titles and then at the beginning of the chapter state whose point of view it will be told in.
    Lastly, the yellow is a little harsh on the eye. I'd suggest picking a different color.
    I hope you don't feel I was too hard you. Good luck and keep writing(:
    December 31st, 2012 at 05:18am
  • squidward tentacles.

    squidward tentacles. (255)

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    This is beautiful. The opening parapraph really grabbed my attention and made me want to keep reading. The characters and emotions feel so real and youe descriptions.and word choices are locely. This is just wonderful in every possible way.
    Although I might suggest changing around the layout colors, because the yellow on red kept making me think of ketchup and mustars. Haha. Maybe I'm just weird though.
    June 24th, 2012 at 11:52pm
  • dearly.departed

    dearly.departed (100)

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    oh god, wow this is so interesting. i really like jonathan. i really wanna know what christina meant about them being out. i love it. one problem, you wrote "My once-was best friend." couldn't it be left at my once best friend? otherwise, i love this. its great
    June 7th, 2012 at 05:57am
  • kissitallbetter;

    kissitallbetter; (100)

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    I agree about the layout: the colors clash and it's sort of bland. However, the story itself was good. I think that it was interesting, especially how everything was described. But, I think if Christina is telling his story, it should just be her point of view. I also agree that the transitioning of time isn't very 'pretty.' It really disrupts the flow of the story. Either way, it's really good content wise, but watch the grammar and the layout should be revised. That's just my opinion, keep writing<3
    June 6th, 2012 at 07:26pm
  • ocarina.

    ocarina. (100)

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    I'll admit, the layout doesn't sit well with my tastes, it seems sort of... bland, and the colours clash a little with each other.

    This really was heartbreaking to read, oh my. A lot of people try to write something sad, but you got it spot on. I could almost feel her guilt, and it actually pulled on my heart strings to read this. Especially with how many kids things like that happen to, it's incredibly realistic that it would happen. The dream, and when she was talking to the therapist, I can definitely see her point of view, how sort of everyone has a part in what happened even if they didn't directly cause it.

    I like it because too, it makes you think, I guess. And I think that's really important in any piece, to have that meaning behind it. It's really nice that she's getting his story out there. c:

    I like too that the started opening up to the therapist, a lot of the times they're made out to be these villians, but I like to see that they're not all bad, aha. Her boyfriend's really cute too, but I don't know, he just doesn't seem to get it, I guess, which isn't really her fault, but will there be a future for them? Aha, I like making predictions.

    Just a couple things, really, technical-wise. You start a lot of sentences with "and" and "but" which sound really awkward and disrupt the flow and technically, I don't think they're even proper sentences. It's bad grammar. And the "one week later thing" I think there are better ways of transitioning, even something as simple as "and the next week later blah blah blah".

    Overall though, it was a really good piece. :3
    June 6th, 2012 at 01:31am
  • rosamarie

    rosamarie (1045)

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    Wow, this is really...captivating. I like how it's like a full story made that you would pick up and read; how you don't really know what's going on at first and you have to keep reading to know exactly what's going on. I'm glad the comment swap brought me here, because when I looked at it at first, I was afraid of what the story might be. Guess I should get beyond my horror zone more often! Plus, it's kind of a story that people in their teens would read and love because they could relate to it. Can't wait for more!
    June 5th, 2012 at 11:20pm
  • lumy.

    lumy. (100)

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    Hey, I really like this. I'm glad the comment swap brought me here.
    This is super interesting and well-written. Christina does seem relatable, although so far I can relate more to Jonathan(I hope I spelled that right).. The pictures you used are so cute! And Elle is just adorable.
    I love how vivid amd descriptive this is. Definitely subscribing, I can't wait to read more!
    June 5th, 2012 at 10:31pm
  • MRGF123

    MRGF123 (100)

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    Okay, I was totally hooked from the first chapter. Christina, and therefore you, have such a deep analysis of the stages and the people that drove Jonathan to suicide. I really like the explanation she had during the therapy session and how she's not 'I did all I could and THEY killed him' but she accepts her part in his death.
    June 5th, 2012 at 09:26pm
  • Halo.

    Halo. (100)

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    This is an interesting story. I like how Chris is acting in the first chapter. She seems like a relate-able character. I also like her emotions, like how she feels alone even though her boyfriend is by her side. I feel like a lot of people go through feelings like it. I did enjoy reading this story and I hope you continue writing! It will be really good when you're finished!
    June 5th, 2012 at 09:19pm
  • Sadistic Silence

    Sadistic Silence (100)

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    I really like Jonathan; he seems like a sweet kid, and so does Cole. The way the other students treat them makes me sick...I don't understand why being gay is frowned upon...sure, people say it's "unnatural", but that's ridiculous; it's just as natural as being straight. I wish people were more open-minded so gay people (especially gay teens) wouldn't have to go through such hell.
    June 2nd, 2012 at 07:23pm
  • Sadistic Silence

    Sadistic Silence (100)

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    I'm definitely going to subscribe...
    June 2nd, 2012 at 07:04am
  • AshyMandy

    AshyMandy (150)

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    Pretty good. ~subscribed
    June 1st, 2012 at 09:18am