Stole My Heart - Comments

  • iron and wine.

    iron and wine. (100)

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    Teddi, this was the cutest chapter ever! Poor Jess, getting thrown in the pool, though :)
    June 18th, 2012 at 03:06am
  • skinny love.

    skinny love. (150)

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    They are just too cute!
    I love the pool scene.
    This is turning out great (:
    June 18th, 2012 at 12:19am
  • Calum Hood ;

    Calum Hood ; (100)

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    So cute!!<3
    Update soon?(:
    June 17th, 2012 at 11:52pm
  • dawn of light

    dawn of light (100)

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    the banner quote is so cute! i love that quote. the update was cute as well. why must you be so awesome at this; i'm jelly haha anyway, a new update will be appreciated (:
    June 17th, 2012 at 11:43pm
  • Bubblegum Pops

    Bubblegum Pops (100)

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    Awe. So cute! Lovely update. :)
    Update soon please!!
    June 17th, 2012 at 11:00pm
  • skinny love.

    skinny love. (150)

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    Wow, this is SO CUTE.
    I can't for for chapter 2, dear c:
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:51pm
  • sleepyhollow;

    sleepyhollow; (100)

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    I really like this! The layout is beautiful! I'm glad you're doing a Louis story! He's my favourite and such a cutie! Anyway, I hope you update soon!
    June 15th, 2012 at 05:38pm
  • notweirdbutunique

    notweirdbutunique (750)

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    Hi sweetheart!

    First and foremost, I'm happy you came up with a Louis Tomlinson story! I'd guess you're able to tell by now that he's my favourite tehe

    Secondly, beautiful layout as usual. I'm in love with it. I can NEVER make a layout that pretty...

    Alright, now it's time to comment. I'm going to give my honest opinion here, so bear with it for a while.

    I apologise, but I kinda have to agree with xpectashans' comments below. I see that you have a habit of writing using present tense.
    He continues to stare at me. “What are you looking at me like that for?” I ask, smiling at him.
    It should be:
    He continued to stare at me. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, smiling.

    This is just a suggestion, sweetie. I'm not trying to pin-point you or anything. I've read even worse stories before. Their plot is interesting, but I got turned off by their ridiculous grammar, I couldn't even finish the first chapter.

    Nonetheless, you carry on with this. It's your story. I had critisms on my stories as well, so I'm not perfect either Wink
    June 14th, 2012 at 05:57am
  • BonerDirection

    BonerDirection (100)

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    OOh excited for the next one (:
    June 14th, 2012 at 02:51am
  • xpectashans

    xpectashans (100)

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    Well, wow your layout is absolutely gorgeous! I wish I had the patience and ability to make mine as pretty as yours! :)

    Ugh, okay, you're going to hate me now, but I'm not one of those people who shuffles in, skim-reads, and leaves a comment that only says 'i love it! update more soon please' (not that anyone else has done that, but, I digress). I have some criticism for you, love.

    From the very beginning until the very end of your first chapter, you have a habit of switching tenses. Keep the past and present separate, it's confusing otherwise even if you think it sounds cooler or more romantic or something. It doesn't! :( For example: "...I was waiting for Louis, he had something for me." 'Was' makes it past tense, so the other verb, and all verbs in correspondence with your story, should be 'had', not 'has'.

    The next thing I have to point out is the added unnecessary information. Saying things like, "...I was sitting, standing actually..." completely throws your reader off. What's the point of telling the reader she's sitting, then clarifying that she's not, when she simply isn't in the first place? And, ""Why are you crying, love?" he asks, starting to worry why I was crying so much." Give your readers a little credit! We get that Louis is worried about why she's crying, because he says so! The sentence above could just be ended after 'he asks'.

    Now, okay, I get that it's a fanfic, and you can make whatever you want happen because it's your story, but, personally, I can't see anything interesting happening during the course of this. It seems a little too sweet as far as story-line goes. I mean, go ahead, write it as much as you like, because others seem to enjoy it, too, it's just not something I am going to feel inclined to read. :/

    Ohmygosh, you hate me. I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings at all, but I'm commenting like this because I have respect for you as a writer. You're writing what you like, what you wish, what interests you, and there is no better place to start. Really, I like that you're writing One Direction, but this is what I have to say. :/
    June 14th, 2012 at 02:43am
  • Bubblegum Pops

    Bubblegum Pops (100)

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    Cute!! :)
    Update soon?
    June 13th, 2012 at 09:49pm
  • wishful;

    wishful; (100)

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    Aww, why this so cute!? :)
    June 13th, 2012 at 10:15am
  • iron and wine.

    iron and wine. (100)

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    I'm just gonna go take my phone and read this again now...
    June 13th, 2012 at 07:33am
  • OneDland

    OneDland (100)

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    i think there is some clear liquid coming from my eyes, tears! that was beyoutiful, love! update soon! c:
    June 13th, 2012 at 04:51am
  • June Blossom 143

    June Blossom 143 (100)

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    AWW!! <3 the jean link dosn't work btw
    June 13th, 2012 at 04:44am
  • Calum Hood ;

    Calum Hood ; (100)

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    Awwww Lou so sweet! <33
    I love it!
    Update soon! (:
    June 13th, 2012 at 04:36am
  • dawn of light

    dawn of light (100)

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    I have to say, the proposal was cute along with their relationship :)
    June 13th, 2012 at 04:22am
  • dawn of light

    dawn of light (100)

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    Hiyaaaaaaaaaa can you please post the first chapter of this <10

    I think they look cute thought :D
    June 12th, 2012 at 10:42pm
  • teenagedirtbagbaby_

    teenagedirtbagbaby_ (100)

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    I can't wait! :D post soon. <3
    June 12th, 2012 at 02:08am
  • June Blossom 143

    June Blossom 143 (100)

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    wowzers!! This just seems aboustly perfect!!! start it soon, please!! <3 <3 <3 <3
    June 11th, 2012 at 04:12am