I really loved the line - 'she's lowered her banging standards to doors!' It made me laugh, it was really witty. One thing I didn't like is that you used 'said' and 'shouted' quite a lot. I think said is okay to use sometimes, but if you use it a lot then it can seem as if characters lack emotion. It's not a big deal though, it's a really good start to the story and it'll be interesting to see where this is heading! :) :)
June 6th, 2012 at 06:10am