30 Ways to Impress a Girl. - Comments

  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

    :
    Ghoul of 2016
    Gender:
    Age:
    92
    Location:
    United States
    I’m here as the new judge for the ‘10 Ways To…’ contest.

    I love the idea of this! It’s so cute and sweet, especially considering they see each other in person all the time but don’t talk. I’m actually sad that I don’t have more content to go off because I can just imagine how Violet and Quinton’s relationship keeps progressing after chapter one. It’s actually hilarious that they know each other so well that they’re together romantically, but Violet’s actually impressed that he managed to ask her what class she had next in person. His girlfriend! That he’s never talked to before! It’s actually sweet and really endearing in a way, but still really amusing.

    I also like how you managed to capture a couple years of Violet’s life within the prologue without being boring. I was interested in how Violet came from point A to point B. I wasn’t exactly impressed that Jack asked her out for a joke (I’m actually amazed that Violet remained friends with him honestly because I don’t think I could’ve in her shoes), but I thought the entire scene with Montana was adorable. I like that you acknowledged the flexibility of sexuality casually.

    The only problems I had were sometimes your prose would get a bit choppy, which would disrupt the entire flow. It only happened when I felt like you were missing a word or worded something awkwardly. I would understand what you were trying to say, but it just didn’t sound right. You also switched point of views in this line: Once her mother broke up with this guy again, we moved to a different house — You say ‘we’ even though the story is written in third person. There was also a strange transition that was incredibly confusing at first. It took me a couple of reads before I finally realized. Two years since her last two relationships before this guy came along when herself and her mother moved again into a small-ish city. They actually knew each other ever since she went to the same school in 2008. But, never talked and got to know one another. He thought her a goody-two-shoes and crazy and weird. And Violet thought he was nerdy and weird. — In this entire paragraph, I thought it was about her mom’s new boyfriend? I didn’t even realize it was about Violet and Quinton at first. This is also an example of the awkward wording what with “herself and her mother moved again”. I feel like you could have simply said: “when she moved with her mother into a small-ish city.” Smoother on the prose and makes a softer flow.

    Overall, though, I really love the idea you have going and I really am sad there wasn’t more content with Violet and Quinton’s relationship developing outside of Facebook!
    July 3rd, 2017 at 09:03am
  • waves wash

    waves wash (155)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    United States
    I liked the story. It was good.
    June 6th, 2012 at 04:24pm