October 27th, 2012 at 10:28am
Last comment, promise... I like that you've narrowed down the universe here. Some stories try to take on the world, and it's too much to fit into a story. So far you've presented a man, a woman and a park with a gorgeous name, and it's wonderful. As a reader you don't feel overwhelmed with information you don't have, and when the universe is so small as it is here, you can get to know the characters a lot easier than if there were a million different characters that aren't really important but still stop by to say something useless. Point is: keeping it simple, likin it.
Your writing is very full, very compact sentences with a lot if information and descriptions and can be a lot to swallow at times, but it works and you get used to it, so it's a good thing and it fits the story. I suppose when writing something as sombre as this feels you have to have that style (this is a compliment if you're not getting it, I wouldn't) to really paint the whole picture.
One negative thing, the writing is a insy bit too small for my liking, maybe a point or two up and we're good. It's actually giving me a migraine, but my medicine actually works, so I guess I'm lucky.
More plz.
I feel like there's a nice flow to your writing and it keeps my attention throughout it all! I also like your characters and dialogue. They're very well rounded in my own opinion and the dialogue is pretty meaningful.
I recommended this and think you're doing a great job on this!
Keep it up! :)