We Owned the Night - Comments

First things first: I adore this layout. No, like seriously. It's so simple, but the color scheme is beautiful, the banner is dramatic but blends in, and everything's legible. Unfortunately, that's so uncommon on this site that I actually get to make a legitimate comment about it. Seriously though, it's very beautiful. (:

So, this is probably the first 'true story' categorized thing I've read on this site, but I actually quite enjoyed it. I usually stay away from these types of things because most of the ones I've seen on other sites have been full of people overdramatizing their pasts and either just venting or just writing like a diary or something. I'm glad to say this was completely different than I expected. Nevertheless, since this is obviously closer to home than most stories, please try not to take offense to my commentary.

Now, I would have liked to see a more creative title from you. With such a nice presentation on everything else, I just felt as if the title was a bit bland for the story--and I swear, that's actually a compliment. It's not a big deal, but it might help draw more of the attention that this story deserves. Also, I'm not really a fan of when people have the same beginning to the first chapter that they had in the summary. I'm glad you are being clear and it does introduce the setting, but when people read your first chapter, they have almost always read your summary first. It's a minor detail, but it's a pet peeve of mine. Perhaps you could just add the second paragraph to the summary and then remove that whole bit from the first chapter? Just an idea. Also, I'm not entirely sure where the organization of chapters is. Perhaps you just have been dividing them up based on when you feel like you want to stop writing, because I otherwise cannot really see a reasoning for dividing them the way they are. That's not really a criticism, just an observation.

Your writing style seems to work pretty well. There's a few errors with punctuations and capitalizations, especially surrounding dialogue, but overall it's still very well written. Kudos on the whole editing process; most people seem to skip that stage. Speaking of style, I really do like the way that this really flows as if it's actually a story you are telling us. That makes the story all that more engaging and all that more realistic; I can actually see what is happening as if one of my best friends was describing it to me. That's a rare quality for a story to have, even in first person point of view.

And, on a side note: Who begs the parents of someone for permission to date their daughter? I mean, I understand to marry, but to date?

Overall, I really did enjoy the story, and I think that it definitely has potential to gain a much larger audience. I hope you continue it, because I have a feeling the chapters are about to get a whole lot more interesting.