A Dangerous Dance - Comments

I love this! great great story! (:

Original stories aren't really my cup of tea, but this was actually pretty nice. I like the fact that Giselle is so blunt and in your face, but I dislike how she flaunts herself the way she does. Maybe it's a personal thing, but I just don't like girls like that. And I agree with kalopsia; the first chapter definitely wasn't what I was expecting when I read the first chapter. But it was interesting. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, so that was good, too. Overall, you have something very interesting here, and I think it has potential.

Hmm, I don't know about this Luke character. At first I was excitied for her to meet someone as equally dangerous as she is, but after the past exchange with her brother, I'm not so sure. If he already knows who she is, does he then know who Romeo was? Intresting update, looking forward to the next one.

This has potential. Not really the type of story I read honestly, so don't take it personally.

When reading your summary and looking at the layout/title, it wasn't really what I was expecting when I read the first chapter. Like some, I was also confused for a split second. I would assume it's safe to say that the summary is something from a future chapter. And that's no big deal.
I disagree with some that are saying the chapter should've been longer because it was the prologue; you're not supposed to have an immediate grasp on who the characters are. It ruins a lot of the story when you do. What I do suggest is that you change it. The prologue can also be an excerpt from what's to come - short with little to no detail on what's happening but making readers what so much more. Then what you have up could be your chapter two with more detail into things like her brother or if you want, who she is.
That's only what I would do so it's more of a suggestion than it is advice or anything. You don't have to take it.

Also, I think the curse words could've been replaced with better words and still have the same feel. I feel like if you were writing in first person, using those descriptions to explain the things/people around Gisella would've fit better. In third person, it just doesn't feel right and kind of keeps the sentences from flowing. I think the story would be better if it were written in first person if you want to use curse words to describe the town and people. That or change the curse words, like said.

Otherwise, though, if you made any mistakes, I didn't catch them and you write fantastically when it comes to portraying specific emotions in your characters. This story could be great. Good job.

I like this...however i wish I had decided to read this after you had posted more because I really want to read more! haha I think for right now I'm very confused as to what the summary has to do with the story.. and the title and infinity symbol and all that because I don't feel like that's part of the story yet...but that's not even really a bad thing at all!
i like her personality I just wish the chapter was a little bit longer so I could get a bit more of a feel for who she is...bur other than that great job and I like the way you write!
can't wait to see more of this mystery guy.

job well done. <3

I hit submit too soon and i couldn't delete so here is a second comment!

I think it would be nice if other chapters gave a little more insight to who she is. I was interested in the fact that her brother died in the shooting but I was left wondering what he was like. If they were close as well as if she had any brothers or sisters. The story does feel a bit impersonal but so far I am intrigued about it. I like the attitude the character is portraying.
I also agree with the narrator swearing because that is something for the chatachters to do. The narrator should blend in
This a really good start to the story and I do want to read more

First off, I’d like to say that I love your layout, and it really drew me to the story. That said, the summary leaves a little to be desired. Perhaps a description of Gisella or the town, though you did that quite well in your first chapter. As is, it almost seems to be an excerpt from a future chapter, so it isn’t making much sense (to me) at the moment. Also, I have to agree with others who suggested taking out the curse words describing the mall and government- there are plenty of other words that would’ve fit there and given the same impression. Other than that, I found the first chapter sucking me in, as well as the description of Gisella. Obviously, she’s a tough girl, and used to getting her way with as little as the bat of an eye. I think the first chapter went well- I wish I was as good as writing in third person as you! I’m not, though, which is why everything I write is in first person. Overall, this seems like it’s going to be an interesting story, and I feel bad for a town that is without air conditioning!

Comment swap brought me here to leave a comment, and when I saw it was a one-chapter story so far, I said to myself, “Oh, crap, how am I gonna squeeze a minimum of 200 characters out of this?” Well, I did it!

This a really good start to the story. I love how sassy Gisella is. cant wait to read more.

I like it so far, it’s easy to follow and the beginning was really good description wise. You’re good with your writing and have great dialogue amongst the characters. I like it so far, keep up the great work and can’t wait to see where else you go with it! I subscribed, can’t wait for the next chapter!

Hey. (: I like this. You're a good writer. But I think you should take the swear words out of the beginning when you're talking about the mall and the government. I don't know why the narrator would curse. Since it's not Gisella, the narrator should be neutral.

Also, a few times in the dialogue, you but periods instead of commas. So, just check for those. (:

The small town is slightly confusing. I thought maybe it was a nice little town but then I find out that there are gangs? So I'm a little thrown off but interested all the same. (:

Nice job with this. The beginning of the chapter was really good (minus the swears). :P

Like the previous commenter, I have to agree with them. I love the layout, besides from the summary, it drew me into it, wanting more and wanting to know how it tied into the story. Even though it's short, you should not under estimate the beginning. My god, if only I could write first chapters like this. I'd probably be a famous writer on here or something. But that's my opinon. I love Gisella! I love her and her personality. It's just perfect. I see her as the cool bad ass in the town. (Just so you know you spelt the town once with two B's and then again with one...) Anyways, it's sad that her brother died in a gang shooting, well a drive by. I wasn't expecting that, it told us that it was a small town so, I was like “oh it's a quiant town that has no air-conditioning”, but now I'm excited to read more because I just want to see her life and what she does because your writing is divine and my gosh. I just love this story. I cannot wait to read this adventure of Gisella and her life. I defintely have to subscribe.

This was nicely written. I liked how it just reminded me of my own town. I was actually shot in the leg during a drive-by, so I know how that sort of thing is. Anyway, I really like Gisella's character. She seems like she could (and has done it a bunch of times) bat her eyes for any boy and they'd do whatever she asked. The only thing that I can really say that is the dialogue could be corrected. Diologue should look like this:

"I love you," he said... Always end with a comma if it is going on to say who said it (the exception being question marks and exclaimation marks.)

Good job all in all, though!

Well, first off the layout is killer. How can you dread first chapters when they read like this one does. It makes a great first impression, setting a tone that leaves me thirsty for more. Gisella is a bad ass opportunist who, I already know, is going to lead readers on a awesome adventure. I can't wait to read more.