The Suicide Letters - Comments

(Comment Swap)

Wow, this is from a while ago! Are you still working on this story? I think it has a lot of potential if you'd go back and do some editing based on others' comments! Here are some of my own thoughts…

The first thing I noticed is that there's some grammar to clean up (your vs. you're, to vs. too, then vs. than, some past vs. present tense, missing commas, etc.) but I think that since this is a completely emotional story and character, adhering to strict grammar rules all the time probably isn't necessary. But I'd fix the your/you're and that kind of stuff for sure ;)

Overall, I think the story could use more nuance. Again, I know the narrator is very emotional, but laying out everything that she thinks and feels doesn't always make for an interesting story. It leaves out the suspense and makes the character one-dimensional; on top of that, as people, we don't always realize exactly why we're acting the way we are. We don't always understand why we're feeling what we're feeling. We can be in denial about our feelings, we can claim that our actions we're actually due to something else. Especially with someone emotionally unstable, I think that these kinds of misconceptions about a person's own self could add layers to the story.

Maybe I'm just dumb, but I'm confused as to whether this is actually your story or not. If it is, then I guess that above paragraph is completely wrong…whoops. But I still hold to the fact that for it to be an interesting story, the characters should be fleshed out a little bit more. I don't have a problem with stories told as a series of letters, but you do still need to make sure that you're telling a fully formed story.

Thanks :)

-Comment Swap-

This story is full of hard, raw emotion. I think it shows just what some people refuse to see, like most people only want to see the good things in life, this story shows there are diffucult situations too. I very much enjoyed how the letters told their own story.
When it comes to verbs you should work on ot quite a bit you go from present to future when you shouldn't. This isn't to be mean or anything, it can happen to anyone.
Aside from that, I think it's a true wonderful point you are trying to make. :-)

I couldn't focus on this story very well. I found myself getting sidetracked because it's all over the place, and maybe since it's written in a series of letters, that is how you meant it to be. But, unfortunately, that type of writing style doesn't flow well with me.

I do ever day = Every.

You have a lot of repetitiveness in this story. "My mother and sister are in town this week. It has been exactly six months since I have hugged my mom and sister." You could have changed the second part to say since I have hugged them.

There is a lot left out, that really shouldn't have been. Why are the mother and sister gone? Where did they go? You know. Stuff like that, it's what really throws off a reader.

@ hahanaomi
I didn't edit because this was how I was feeling while every thing was going on and i felt it would be more important to get the point across while my emotions were raw and the and spelling was just was I spelled it.

I feel like this is a joke. Did you even edit this story?

I'm not a huge fan, only for the fact that the spelling and punctuation got to me after a bit.

the story is very emotinonal and powerful, it also teaches a lesson though
peopl who read this story can see the feeling and emotions people have to go through because of another person actions.but the ending also shows us that we can save ourselves through other people.we can get in a state where we see death as the only option because of people.but there is also people who can get us out of these states.

when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry show life a thousand reasons to smile

[comment swap]

I really don't want to sound rude, but the layout is a bit much. It takes away from the story and the background is completely obnoxious. If you want the story to have a more serious feel to it, make the layout a little more simple and darker. You want to highlight the story not the background image.

And the summary... A summary is to give your reader's an idea of what the story is about. Don't give an author's note. Something simple and short that is to the point and isn't over-the-top. The short diary bit at the end would be perfect. The first paragraph bit is completely stupid and takes away from the point of the story.

And now the first chapter:
First of all, this chapter seriously needs to proofread! If you can't do it, ask around for beta! Get a friend or a family member to read it over for you.

Grammar and punctuation is key to a good story. You don't want your readers to have trouble getting through your work because you missed a word, messed up with a tense, or used the wrong punctuation.

Because I think it's a very important skill to have and be good at, I'm going to focus on verb tenses: You need to work on this a lot! I have trouble with it too, so don't worry about it being a stupid thing, it's not! You're constantly changing the tenses, from past to present to future. Pick one and stick with it. The first sentence works. But as the paragraph continues on, you change the verb tense about 3 times.

Overall, I like the idea of the story and what you're trying to get across. However, I seriously think you need to sit down with this and do some hardcore editing! (And maybe change the layout! If you want, just message me and I can do one for you!) Otherwise, you've really got something and I think you should stick with it but please, please proofread before posting!

-Comment Swap-

Wow, this is a really powerful story. I like how it's all letters to people and that those letters actually tell a story. It's different.

I really like the layout, it's different and super cool.

I'm really excited to see where this is going. So, I'm definitely subscribing and recommending.

Keep going!

This is sad, she lives around/with such jerks, and she wants to commit suicide, but in the letter to her dad, she told him that she couldn't that she didn't want to, so I don't get it when she tells people that she will, but she tells her dad she can't...I also don't understand where this is going, is this just a series of complaint letters?

Hmmm so I'm just wondering here, is she gonna address everyone who has made her life a living hell and used her and then that will lead up to her decease or will she live ?

Ok so the spelling and punctuation could have been better but that's ok seeing as this is suppose to be a letter from a teenager. I like it so far and I hope it stays that way. :)

I've got to say. It's very emotional and I suppose that's fine. Although, I'm not into the teenage angst, but considering that she's been through most things that other teenagers are grateful not to have experience I can see the need for the angst - for the lack of a better word.

However, it is original and that's good and I see some misspelled words and I was going to give you a list of them so, you can fix them but I realize that these are letters from a teenager and there a bound for mistakes .

Keep up the good work.
I mean I don't know where you plan on going with this? - Is she going to write a letter for every person that help destruct her life? or Are you going to keep writing to the same people on the first few chapters.

Either way, I'll keep reading and giving my opinion.
(There might even be typos on this comment, aha)

I really enjoy this. Its very straightforward and I give you props for that. There are some spelling and grammar errors but nothing too bad. Other than that it is very well written and I enjoy it alot. I cant wait to find out what comes next. Keep up with the good work!

-from comment swap.
Wow, what a summary. I like that each letter is addressed to each person, rather than a drawn out suicide note, and I also love that I’m not really sure if she’s just venting her feelings, genuinely suicidal, or she’s already dead and this is maybe being copied and later commented on by one of those to receive the letters. Very raw, very honest, very well-written. Good luck with it.

The layout is nice and simple, I like it that way. The story was very well written, full of detail and description. The summary pulled me in right away, curious about the rest of the story, which did not disappoint. The story flows very nicely and the chapters are good lengths. Overall, it's an awesome story! Keep up the great work!

Comment swap brought me here. I like the title because it is self explanatory. As I was reading, I didn’t feel much of any emotion in the writing - I’m not sure if that’s what you were trying to do or not, but if it was, it worked. I think it’s a great idea for a concept, and that you do have a good way of telling it. Keep it up.

I wasn't sure how I felt about this at first, only because the title is self-explanatory. This is interesting to me, it's sad and fucked up how each of these people treated. It made me want to protect her, you know? Ive subscribed to read more, but also, I really just hope someone does save her, and I hope everyone she's written to changes.

There was some typos, but those are easily fixed. Update soon!

I was a little iffy about this at first, just because stories in letter structure, and about this topic, are usually hard to pull off, but by the end, I was pleased with it. A couple minor grammar errors, but nothing big. Also, I feel like the emotion could've been a little more intense. It felt a little too written, if you get what I mean.