Silver City - Comments

I am a big fan of supernatural stories, (Witches, fae/fairies, and such) and I really like how you wrote this one. The first chapter reminded me a bit of the preface in Bewitching by Alex Flynn. The fact that her mother is almost obsessed with keeping Logan alive is both beautiful and disturbing. How is the disturbing part. But overall, the whole thing was an amazing read, I really liked the summary, as well. The description of the city, (It went very good with the layout, as well) is so in depth, it feels as though you are standing right there.

I don't have any complaints, if anything, I'm looking forward to reading the next part. Chapter one was incredible, great job!

I am a big fan of supernatural stories, (Witches, fae/fairies, and such) and I really like how you wrote this one. The first chapter reminded me a bit of the preface in Bewitching by Alex Flynn. The fact that her mother is almost obsessed with keeping Logan alive is both beautiful and disturbing. How is the disturbing part. But overall, the whole thing was an amazing read, I really liked the summary, as well. The description of the city, (It went very good with the layout, as well) is so in depth, it feels as though you are standing right there.

I don't have any complaints, if anything, I'm looking forward to reading the next part. Chapter one was incredible, great job!

This was....wow. I am kind of in awe right now! I, unfortunately, have next to no knowledge on the fae species and lore, but even without that, this story was still easy for me to follow and understand. You did a great job at making it feel like a natural explanation, and the footnotes were much appreciated.

The summary in itself really grabbed me. The way you described how the iron affected the heroine was so vivid, it was like I could actually feel it myself. Your choice of words were very fluid and beautiful.

And don't even get me started on the plot...wow. Talk about dark. I love it! Just thinking about a woman, falling in love with a human man so much that she takes part in the murder of her husband to let him live, it gives me chills. I don't know if that is a common thing in the fae world, or if their views on love are different than that of humans, but I'm a big fan regardless.

This will definitely be a story that I follow through with till the end. I'm hooked! Again, fantastic job!

I am not going to squeal like a little girl and bounce up and down because I am reading a faerie story. I refuse. But I will say that I am pleasantly surprised that this is what it turned out to be.

I loved the summary, first off. Its intriguing, and it's actually what let me know that this was about a fae, seeing as how iron is deadly to them and fae are probably the only creature I can think of that can't stand iron.

Anyhow, first chapter... my thoughts. Umm... let me organize those. I like how it was sort of a prologue, explaining what's happened that leads into the actual story. At least, that's what it seems to be doing to me. I'm actually very excited to see the next chapter!

It was easy to follow and intriguing. There was a lot of what I already knew about the fae in the story, but there was a lot I've never come across before. Did you make up about the killing of a fae and eating them/drinking their blood for a transformation? Because if you did.... wow. It's just great. And while I'm talking about the fae, I really like that this story is in the perspective of a fae, rather than a human. Usually the stories are about humans dealing with the fae, so I'm really anticipating this story's continuance.

All in all, amazing job!

OK first is like to say that I really loved the summary and to be honest with the title being silver I expected it to be about werewolves but it's ant faeries which I love which made it even better for me.

Personally I found this story to be dark and jacked up. now to clarify that she's not mean that I didn't like the story I just found it wrong grew they just killed off the father like that and didn't seem to care at all even though he'd done them no wrong like not even his own daughter seemed to care even as she's watching him be hacked to pieces and was going to watch her grandmother suffer the same fate.

Her mother was even worse, willing sacrifice her own children so that he could remain almost immortal without a second thought but cries when her halfing children are killed, does that mean she cares more about her children with Logan than her children with her husband?

I'm no grammar expert so the mistakes I think I may have found might but be there.

The first one was this

Over the next few days, as the endless moon1 hovered above us and the world was cloaked in darkness, Logan devoured the body. And on the last night of the lunus2, a phenomenon that occurred only once every five centuries, he was immortal. Almost. A spoonful of my father's blood every full moon was all it would take. And when that was out, the blood of his kin would do3.

I don't understand why the numbers are there, maybe I'm wrong but they don't seen like they need to be there and to me at least it was confusing.

I mean I see the definitions to explain it at the end but I think that might confuse people upon first seeing it.

I loved it your writing has a hypnomatic feel to it. I couldn't stop reading. Your summary was amazing it made you really want to read the story . The story flows wonderfully with the main character narration, you really feel as if you know him/her.
I look forward to reading more about you amazing character politically Logan

I loved it your writing has a hypnomatic feel to it. I couldn't stop reading. Your summary was amazing it made you really want to read the story . The story flows wonderfully with the main character narration, you really feel as if you know him/her.
I look forward to reading more about you amazing character politically Logan

Overall, I thought this was a good read. It was interesting and assertive. You caught my attention right away, especially in the summary with the first line actually. I thought you gave the right dosage of diction and tone. This is how a summary is supposed to be written, I felt that the words just grabbed me by the collar and forced me to pay attention – you set the reader up nicely for the first chapter.

I liked the narrator’s voice throughout this; it was peaceful as well as terrifying at times. I felt for this character because there was some innocence there, a longing to understand the world around her and how fast life could change due to the actions of others. Your word choice and descriptions were amazing; they made the story as well as your characters. Logan is by far the most interesting character in this story because his name is said many times and he seemed to be the “special one.” Now, I could be completely off, but Logan reasoning behind killing his maker’s husband was because he wanted to be the ringleader or be involved with the narrator’s mother or simply both, but the story of Oedipus came into mind as some aspects of that could fit perfectly into this (just something I was thinking). I got the sense that the narrator’s mother created him, so does that make Logan her son? But there was another thought that came to mind. When the Mother suggested that, they kill her daughter Logan quickly knocked that idea out the door because he might like or have faint feelings towards her. That alone could add so much more complexity to the story. That’d be great.

You captured the morbid and fantasy like very well in this, like a Brothers Grimm Fairy Tale, it’s dark and disturbing. So, excuses me ignorance, but I had troubling figuring out what they really were, creature wise. I thought of Vampires, Werewolves and even evil fairies (the type from the movie Pan’s Labyrinth). You spoke of the “fae” world often and I had to look that up – and I came up with “fairy” like, so I’m still a little clueless or maybe I didn’t read something correctly, but it is rather interesting everything of this world – and your footnotes were genius! I felt like I was in high school all over again on Spark Notes. The mythical folktale references made things a lot clearer and you explained them rather nicely.

This is the type of writing I adore from you. The absolute best. You did a great job and I rarely read stories like these anymore, but they are interesting – folklore in general because it’s so different then just fairy tales and you did well here. The only bad thing I could say would be change the layout, however, that’s just my opinion but I didn’t like it. Too bland and it didn’t place well with the first chapter at all.

Wow, that was a really captivating summary. Such a unique idea too. The only thing I have to point out is this line: I can feel it against my skin. Feel it settling on the surface and slowly burning through, pressing into my blood and contaminating the heart. I think there should be a comma, not a full stop.

I also like the layout. It's so simple but still nice.

...the endless moon1... and ...the last night of the lunus2... and ...his kin would do3. - there are numbers but I don't really know why.... There's no explanation in the author's note or something like that, so if you could explain to me what that is (and fix it for future readers) that would be great. :)

You had a wide range of vocab that you used, which helped make the story more interesting, and I did't spot any spelling errors or grammar mistakes (apart from the comma thing in the summary), so good job. :)

It was overall pretty intense and great to read. I liked how the magik was slowly introduced and how the picture of what they were was slowly revealed. It kept me wondering what exactly was going on. I also think the silver (referring to the summary) was explained well, though I would have liked to have seen it referenced similar to the way it was described in the summary, as a poison. I felt like that was a really good strong description, but it wasn't in the story. Overall, enjoyable to read. :)