I love the story so far, and I love the introduction to Ariel! It's great. Her personality is completely opposite to what I know of Cadence's.
Your writing style is very well developed, but I did notice slight errors.
"The other one was Jeremy Quill, Jackson’s twin brother. Their mom never liked me, but you saw why. Jackson and I had been on and off for a while. We broke up three weeks ago." I think you meant to put "Jeremy and I had been..."
"Her blond curls bounced as she walk and her hips twitched in an odd fashion." I think you meant to put walked.
"I swear,..." Maybe you should put swore since you're writing in the past tense; Swear is in the present tense. I've notice many tense errors, just skim over and you'll find them lol
'...I wouldn’t start crawling back to those beautiful brown eyes and that luscious black hair. His sweet, honey kissed skin." Maybe you should write it like this: "I wouldn’t start crawling back to those beautiful brown eyes, that luscious black hair, or his sweet, honey kissed skin."
"said with a irritated " Really, Dilon? REMEMBER YOUR GRAMMAR!! it's AN not A -______- you did that on purpose...
Anyway, I want to read more!! I love you, Dilon! -best friend
Your writing style is very well developed, but I did notice slight errors.
"The other one was Jeremy Quill, Jackson’s twin brother. Their mom never liked me, but you saw why. Jackson and I had been on and off for a while. We broke up three weeks ago."
I think you meant to put "Jeremy and I had been..."
"Her blond curls bounced as she walk and her hips twitched in an odd fashion."
I think you meant to put walked.
"I swear,..."
Maybe you should put swore since you're writing in the past tense; Swear is in the present tense.
I've notice many tense errors, just skim over and you'll find them lol
'...I wouldn’t start crawling back to those beautiful brown eyes and that luscious black hair. His sweet, honey kissed skin."
Maybe you should write it like this:
"I wouldn’t start crawling back to those beautiful brown eyes, that luscious black hair, or his sweet, honey kissed skin."
"said with a irritated "
Really, Dilon? REMEMBER YOUR GRAMMAR!! it's AN not A -______- you did that on purpose...
Anyway, I want to read more!!
I love you, Dilon!
-best friend