The Ninth Ring - Comments

Comment swap brought me here. And boy, I'm sure glad that it did! I agree that the plot it is entertaining and original. I've never read anything like it before. I also really enjoy your writing style, it just made the story even better.

Good job on the story. It was absolutely great.

I am here through comment swap and find the plot entertaining and original. You have a good and different style of writing which I enjoyed. Thank you for your I am here through comment swap and find the plot entertaining and original. You have a good and different style of writing which I enjoyed. Thank you for your story!I am here through comment swap and find the plot entertaining and original. You have a good and different style of writing which I enjoyed. Thank you for your story! story!

I am here through comment swap and find the plot entertaining and original. You have a good and different style of writing which I enjoyed. Thank you for your story!

Comment swap led me here.
Firstly, I like the layout. It's one of the nicer ones I've seen on here. And it's easy to read too, which is good. To be honest, the plot at times, is very confusing, I'm just not grasping what it is you're trying to say at times. But in saying that, you have a nice writing style, it does flow well, so kudos on that.

I found the idea of the ninth ring of hell interesting at first, and then i just confused. It states that she is in an ice box so having her moving around is confusing.
Secondly I feel that your paragraphs need to be separated with the format you are using because they just look like chunks and that sort of really bothers me when I read. I sound super anal about this, but I just have to put this out there.
Also, your chapters are kind of short, and I feel that this is the perfect place to add in the missing descriptions and develop more meaty and interesting chapters.
I do like your idea of the ninth layer of hell and how she struck a deal to create a different path. I hope that you continue it because it has some great potential.

Starting off with the layout I gotta say it's not bad at all. It's not mindblowing, but it's not bad. I actually quite enjoy the way you wrote the summary. I found that very attractive. I just have two teensy little problems.

First of all, in the actually summary you wrote lucifer. Lucifer is capitalized. I know I sound super anal, but it just… is. Second of all, the girl in the picture. Maybe it's just me, but I am troubled as to why there is a girl in your layout… is she supposed to be Grace? It just looks so out of place. It looks like it doesn't belong anywhere near your story at all. When I think the Ninth Ring I imagine Dante's Inferno. Not a girl with her back against the camera taking a hipster picture.

From the first paragraph of the first chapter I can't say I was very impressed when I saw you didn't capitalize, "i've." The idea is fascinating though, but a little too much like Dante's Inferno. I found myself rather distracted by the fact you didn't doublespace between paragraphs. I think your story would improve a whole notch if you would fix that. A good paragraph structure and a good layout are the two things that make a reader like your story just a little bit more.

There is a part in the story which sounded off the moment I read it. "Unlike Amonciato's body, his soul was a sad, shriveled little thing, his soul wasn't very strong I noted." I find it to be quite… strangely put. If those were his thoughts why not put it in between ''. The word soul is repeated twice when there is no need for it. In fact the sentence doesn't make too much sense will all those commas. In some parts of what I take is another paragraph, his thoughts aren't capitalized or ended with a period.

The second chapter is MUCH, much, much better. I appreciate the fact you spaced out your paragraphs, your punctuation is correct, and also you capitalized every I. I enjoyed this chapter a lot more and I understand what was going on without being distracted by the format. You have little mistakes here and there, but either than that it's fine. Like here. "their just like you." It's not their, it's they're.

Your third chapter went back to no spacing between paragraphs which disappointed me a bit. But, alas, FINALLY talking about the actual content itself. I actually rather enjoyed it. You have a lot of potential. This story can grow in many ways and become an amazing tale. You are very good with detail, and that is a key ingredient in an great writer. I really enjoyed the fact you took your time to put in little things and describe everything so our imaginations can run. I find that very appealing. I really hope you continue writing, you have a lot going on for you!

Ooooh! I come here via comment-swap, but this story is interesting. You seem like a fresh, new writer but your ideas are rather original and intriguing (Which is rare). I suggest you fix the paragraph structuring, because that makes you appear more professional and lessens the chance of a reader clicking on your story then clicking away because they judged you as a "bad writer" the second they saw your paragraphs.

I love the image you chose for the layout, because that is exactly how I imagined the girl to be, it is an impeccable visual description.

I await more from this story. I'm going to subscribe. ^^

I loved the ending sentence in Chapter 5. It was dramatic, and made an impact. :D

This is such a unique storyline and concept, as soon as i read your description i was immediately drawn in, so kudos for that, its refreshing.
However there is room for improvement, here are a few things i noticed;
-There's a lot of repetition- certain words are repeated too much within the same sentence/paragraph when there's no need for them.
- The paragraph structure is really distracting to read (and can get annoying) I think because its centered? maybe change that- it'd make it a lot easier to read.

Other than I see no other problems, I only read the first chapter but I definately do like it so far. Good luck =).

mm, i like the layout a lot. you need to space out your paragraphs more, though, because it's currently rather unappealing to read it with all of the words smashed together. the concept is absolutely brilliant, but your grammar needs a lot of work as does some of your word choice ("the devil himself resigned" makes no sense. i think you mean "resided.") but for the most part the plot is lovely and i'm curious to see what happens, it's just difficult to read. keep working, but great job!

I really like how the story is written, and the chapters are not too lengthy and not too short. Overall this is a great story that I cant wait to read more of! I kinda want to know what he did :3 and if you said it, well then im going to have to go re-read it.
Subscribe and Rec

So Grace has two dogs, a Great Dane and a Mastiff? xD

Other than that, and the two previous comments, I like this story a lot, and I look forward to reading more. (: Subscribing.

Ok, first thing. Make sure to capitalize your "I"'s and "Lucifer." Also, that first paragraph of this first chapter is very lengthy. To make it easier to read, I would separate it out. Its very block and hard on the eyes. However, your writing style is beautiful. There are some grammar and spelling issues (ie: "lier" ought to be "liar"), but just run your story through some spellcheck and you'll be just fine. Really, though, don't focus on the spellcheck stuff, I mean, its just this nitty gritty stuff that needs some touch up, but Comment Swap is perfect for clearing up that stuff. Anyway, the storyline is great, as is your writing style. Keep it up, I'm going to subscribe! :)

The layout is REALLY hard to read and very distracting.

I think the first line is very strong and powerful. I like that it gives the right amount of description. The whole first paragraph had me built up to read a really good and interesting story. I was excited to find out more about the character.

I like the scene of the masquerade. There is something very exciting about an action story like this one taking place in a masquerade.

After I finished the first chapter, I was confused about who the main character was. I thought we would get more of a sense of his personality, but he didn't seem to have one.