Leaving Me Is Easy - Comments

This is a really sad and touching story. I'd love to see more. The voice of the narrator sounds exactly how a young, yet not so young, girl should. It helps you connect with the character a lot. I like how it seems to slow down towards the end with less action and more thought. I also like the beginning a lot. "I knew" is a nice start to the story.

First of all, I really did enjoy it. It was very nice, very sweet, and very heartfelt. I could tell you wrote this piece from the bottom of your heart and that you really tried your very best. I love the way the girl in the story can recall so many things and how her dad is imprinted in her memories and in her heart. That really got to me. My own dad left my mom when I was very little, so it really did tug on my heartstrings.

Needless to say, I was slightly saddened by the fact it didn't hold much detail in the content. I feel like this was more of… a skeleton. The basics of what could be a very amazing story. I felt it lacked more emotion and more… passion. I feel like you could've added much more. You know what I mean? Like on, "She smiles and nods." This could've grown a bit further like, "she smiles and nods, forming her hands into tight fists." Something in that area.

It didn't necessarily have to be incredibly long, but I felt like it needed more content.

Either than that, I found your story very appealing. I feel like you could take it a whole step further.

You had few grammatical errors, like, The twelve year old girl lied-,". Also when you said, "He was blocked from her sight by the TV at the end of the bed, and she tried to peer around it." I think it would be better phrased, "She tried to look around the TV that covered/hid him."

Your story has sooo much potential and I really hope you consider adding more to it. It's a beautiful one-shot and I would love to see it grow!