Our Burdens Won't Hold Us Down - Comments

This story sort makes me think of a guy I went to school with. There was another guy, that faked liking guys but that was only to get the girls to like him more.

My friend was really close to his family, you could tell that he was a little different but he was still cool. He tried dating girls, he even tried dating a girl, with the same name as him (different spelling). They dated for I don't remember how long. Everyone at school knew, he was gay. I think he knew it, but didn't want to say anything because his parents are the same sort people in your book.

He told his mom, she approved. Then he told his dad and well you can guess how that went (really really badly). He has a new little sister now, through his dad and as far as I know, his dad still doesn't approve or like him. His dad has called him every bad word in the book and so has his devil of a little brother has to. His stepmom likes him, asks him what he thinks and so he gets along with her just fine. Its just his dad and I think his stepdad (I'm not 100% sure on the stepdad) that don't care for him much.

He's a good guy, everyone likes him and cares about him. It's just disappointing of how his dad and others look at him, as if he's from Mars or something.

I'm here from Comment Swap!

I can't say that I'm really a fan of slash, so I was a bit hesitant to read this. I'm glad I did. The prologue was really sweet. I like the way you've written the characters, especially the idea that they're from religious families and both live in a town where being gay is more or less not allowed. Very well written, easy to follow, and the layout is simple and doesn't distract the reader. I enjoyed this. Good luck with the rest of it! :)

comment swap brought me here!
The prologue definitely grabbed me, read the first chapter also and i must say I'm liking it so far. It's very well written and introduced. Good job so far =

- sorry for re writing this but comment swap didnt seem to process it as i got lead back here.

comment swap brought me here!
The prologue definitely grabbed me, read the first chapter also and i must say I'm liking it so far. It's very well written and introduced. Good job so far =)

The prologue was very good, I enjoyed that bit. The Mitchell part was cool because you had put so much detail into it. I felt that was there watching this part go down. The Teddy part was what grabbed my attention though. You described him as the normal kid that wasn't really normal, and I connected with that so much. The way he also worried about his parents and them making a choice really stuck too.

I really enjoyed your eye for detail during the Mitchell part. I enjoyed Teddy's character in general and I can't wait for more to read. So far this is really awesome!

Very adorable prologue ^_^ The bit with Mitchell in chapter one was really cute, admitantly, I'd probably do that too xD. I really felt for Teddy because I can kinda relate to him, mostly with closeting my bisexuality from my parents, even though I do live in a city that's more acceptant of gays, bi's, ect. I also thought it was very clever how you tied in Mitchell's part with Teddy's at the end.

Hm, I don't mind slash in the least. I actually find it sweet, as long as it doesn't turn into...well, full blown smut. That's when I usually don't read it. But this story is so, so sweet so far. It makes me want to read more simply because I want to see how this is going to turn out with the already-expected drama to come with where they live and how they are. The only advice I have is to not be predictable with a story like this. Try to stray as far as you can from the cliches and overdone storylines because you have a very common plot at the moment, with unique characters. Be unique all together; surprise your readers.

It's very easy to relate to Mitchell the most because I live in a religious community myself, and as much as I do take pride in my girlfriend and how I'm pretty much gay, it's really difficult to talk to anyone because they just immediately hate me for what I am considering it's a "sin" to the religion they are and I'm not.

Anyhow, this story - the content - is very well written. The writing style you have is, like Alexander Bernadotte said, very nice and fluid. I didn't come across any sentences that came off as awkward because of a bad word choice or whatnot. You had a few punctuation mistakes here and there, but Mibba never said they expected perfection so it's nothing major in the least. You did a fantastic job.
So all in all, this is very good. Great job! (:

From Comment Swap.

I won’t lie, I’m not usually into slash, but the beginning of this is very promising. I like that these two characters come from overtly religious families and that their relationship is extraordinarily taboo; it really adds something to this story that I can’t really put my finger on. Your writing style is also very nice and fluid. Oh, and I like that the content of this story might be very relatable to many readers. Anyways, I really enjoyed this prologue and I’m wishing you the best of luck in continuing this story. Amazing job so far! <3

I like your description. Especially in Mitchell's POV because he seems like the more thoughtful character. I hope you keep it up in later chapters cause I know how hard it is to keep greatness going through a whoooollleee story. I will be checking up on this story most def. Good job & please keep it up!

This sounds like it's very promising! The way this story is written is very nice! I don't usually read slash, but this seems more tame and not too much. You have a wonderful writing style, and I really adore this story so far. Try to have some fun with your layouts though! :) you are a wonderful writer and I love how descriptive you are! It's the perfect balance between not enough detail and "Ohmygoshthisistoomuch!" :) I love it!

This sounds like it's going to be good. I really want more. I'm not kidding. I want more. The way it is written and the layout is simply amazing. I want to know more about the characters and the story. But I guess that I have to wait. I just want to know more. Is that too much?

I'm usually not into slash, but I got this story on comment swap, and I think I could definitely learn to like it. ;) As someone who is bisexual, I can definitely relate more to Mitchell. I live in a very conservative community in the south, and if anyone knew, I'd be shunned or much worse. I'm out to my closest friends, in the community and outside it, but I'm out to my parents too. I think my situation really helps me relate to the characters. Keep writing! I want to read more!

This is really cute. I'm typically not a fan of slash stories but this was a really adorable introduction and you have a wonderful, descriptive writing style. The plot is also something I imagine a lot of people can relate to. I do wish you would maybe make the layout just a bit more interesting. All the plain gray is a little too bland, for me anyway. Great story though; your writing is lovely.

So descriptive!! I already love Teddy and Mitchell. The layout is simple and easy on the eyes, which is always a plus. I can’t wait to read more! The only thing I want to point out is that you should change “twenty three” to “twenty-three”, but other than that, awesome! :)