This is a really interesting and good concept. I like this. I'm not usually into the whole government type of stories because I find that most drag out/bore me, but this is really interesting. Made me want to continue reading.
I have one complaint and it's about the layout. The font is really, really hard to read. It almost blends in with the background so I had to highlight the text to be able to read any of it. I would suggest using a darker gray instead of lighter. Closer to black than white. It's just terribly hard to read.
The content of this story is great. You had a couple moments where your sentences didn't flow right so they came off as slightly awkward and tense, which made me struggle to get through it but that's nothing reading it over can't fix. Try reading it out loud some time. If it doesn't flow off your tongue, try to think of a way that it will. Writing has to feel natural. When writing paragraphs, sentences, and even emotions, you can't force them. They have to come naturally or else it'll all feel stiff. Just take it easy and read it over.
I have one complaint and it's about the layout. The font is really, really hard to read. It almost blends in with the background so I had to highlight the text to be able to read any of it. I would suggest using a darker gray instead of lighter. Closer to black than white. It's just terribly hard to read.
The content of this story is great. You had a couple moments where your sentences didn't flow right so they came off as slightly awkward and tense, which made me struggle to get through it but that's nothing reading it over can't fix. Try reading it out loud some time. If it doesn't flow off your tongue, try to think of a way that it will. Writing has to feel natural. When writing paragraphs, sentences, and even emotions, you can't force them. They have to come naturally or else it'll all feel stiff. Just take it easy and read it over.