Beginning of the End - Comments

(Comment Swap) maybe the summary was catching, but I feel as if the same passages have blead into the first chapter.(caled Prologue) could as well have used the full version as sumary?
(Chapter1) sounds too much like the latestof sombie movies? just under a new name.
Startsoput, depicing the common influenza, as i was expressed. ok, all very good this far.
ticking off different people, to catch it, later to lok out for, ok.
continuing to resite various cenes, caused by the same influenza, or?
the research, oming up with zero, or making it worse, was it? how'd that come out, into the public? do they have no sense of security? (I just had to ask)
After this, it's back to the flesh eating 'Zombies'.
Anyone coming up with a real name, sise 'Zombie' is well defined, and has nothing to do with, what's said in here, or the films. (for thuse who know what it is)
Starts out catchy, but the topic, and the scenario? too much of catching the latest trend. at least, for me it is.

This story is great. I only had intentions of reading the prologue and a little bit of the first chapter, but I was so wrapped up in the story that I didn't realize I read the whole thing and was complaining that there was no more to read!

I was so into the story that I heard a crunch outside my window and jumped up thinking it was a zombie! haha.

This is really great. It flows quite well and the dialogue is easily believable. The only thing I have to say is, it reminds me a bit of every other zombie movie. So I would say to try and stray away from any of the cliches. You're doing a great job at making it your own.

I'm excited to see where this is going.
Happy writing!

okay! i like youre writing style. everything comes together really well =) youre good at making the story flow. =D

the only problem i had with this story is how original and cliche it is. ive seen lots of movies with this kind of idea going on and read lots of stories. its just a bit too mainstream for me.

other than that i thought that you were an excellent writer. you brought the characters forth fairly well and i enjoyed reading it. =)

I really like the layout here, but I would like to point out that (on my Netbook, at least) it becomes unreadable when my 'comments' sidebar is open. It's not a big deal or anything, I just wasn't sure if you knew.

Reading this, I immediately noticed how simply stylish the writing is. It's a very blunt sort of narration that works so well to set the tone - and the things you include in the text really make this work (for example, the different examples of people who caught the virus, the different news stories on the subject, etc).

The story here is better than the prologue, even. I liked the characters really quickly; their dialogue is realistic and they both seem pretty well developed from the get-go.

The scene with the child-zombie is very haunting and sad. You're really good with description while balancing tone and pacing, and I really, really enjoyed reading this. It's creepy, with just the right amount of action and emotion.

Subscribing.

So, here I am, delivering as promised...
Layout; Thought I noticed you hadn't made them yourself, I still wanted to mention how truly amazing the layout is. It's stunning and dark and really helps set the mood before the reader has read a single word.

Summary; The quote from T.S Eliot is a beautiful touch in my opinion. There isn't much else to say about the summary so I swiftly click and move on...

Prologue; I didn't notice a single error regarding spelling, punctuation or grammar - so everything was great on that side. One thing I noticed was that a lot of the paragraphs were of really similar length. You could go into more detail on a paragraph or just double a couple up to help solve this minor, minor issue I had.

Chapter One; Ahaa, I found something constructive to say, you make it hard, "She think it does her friend some good when she vents." Just read that sentence through, you'll see what I mean.
I noticed quite a bit of italisizing (oh God, how do you spell that? is that right?) at the beginning of the chapter. I think maybe the words 'too long' don't really need the italics.
You write with a load of emotion but there was a bit I felt was lacking almost, "Its easy to think back on times before the outbreak, but its also painful, so she quickly pushes the thoughts out of her head with a sigh." You need an apostrophe here, I think, because 'it's' is short for 'it is'.
"Eye contact. He - or it -is making eye contact." - Brilliant. Just pure brilliance.
The whole hispanic child thing was descriptive, and even though she paused for a second, you still captured the speed of the situation with your writing.
"That little boy... That was weird." Simply needs to be '... that was weird."
If you didn't fix the font thing... don't bother. The font looks absolutely fine to me.

Overall; absolutely adore this story. I know we agreed equal comments but I feel I over did it so if you can't think of as much to comment, that's okay. I'm subscribing, recommending and coming back when there's more. Bravo!

This story is going great. This happens to be one of the cooler zombie apocalypse stories on here. It's a little different and for that I'm grateful. There are so many different cliche zombie stories on here, it's ridiculous. But you did a fabulous job on it.

The layout is pretty rad. Doesn't really go with the story, but makes it readable and easy on the eyes. The background is actually really beautiful.

I noticed two mistakes in the second chapter.

"She think it does her friend some good..."
Should be thinks not think.

And this one : "The bottles are all labeled neaty..."
Should be neatly. It's a common mistake, so no harm done. Just thought you should know, so you could get it fixed.

This is a lovely story and I hope you update soon.

I love this so much. :)

I absolutely agree with spacejunkie. This reminds me of a lot of a movie, or even possibly a tv show like The Walking Dead. The imagery is just amazing; I could really picture it when the little zombie boy appeared and attacked, and Abigail's mini dilemma of not wanting to kill him. I think that's how I'd be, so the realism of it is very good, too.

The ending had me really intrigued, so now I can't wait to see what happens. Update soon, please!! <3

This is written very much like a movie. The images are things that would be good in a montage, etc. I like it. You're not an aspiring screen writer or director, by any chance? Because I would totally watch this.

I stumbled across this somehow and I am so glad. Probably one of the best zombie stories I have read. The intro was intriguing, and so was the first chapter. It's written to well too. I actually don't mind the font, but it might be just me haha. Please keep going! c:

I definitely think you need to lighten the font a bit, but otherwise I love the layout. I'm not a big fan of zombie stories, but this is not horrible. The intro is good and your style of writing is good too. I'm sure many people will enjoy this story. Keep up the good writing!

Nice intro. I thought it was a little strange that you didn't actually use the word "zombie" until the very end, but that was a much better decision. Adds to the suspense, and it's better not to jump right into it.

Ugh, I love zombie stories. Especially original ones. I'm quite intrigued by the layout and banner, but I do agree with a few of the commenter's below, the font is a bit hard to read. I'd recommend lightening the font just a bit so it's not as dark as the background.

That's really the only negative thing I have to say. I also agree with Fandango when she compared this to The Stand. That's a huge compliment on your part, as Stephen King is one of my favorites. I can't wait to see where you go with this! I'm definitely subscribing&recommending! <3

"It's not over, though. For the lucky surviors, there is the final symptom of the infected left to battle: cannibalism. The term zombie seems ridiculous, but there really is no other word that fits."

Fucking yay. I'm on an apocalypse/zombie binge at the moment, so woohoo. This sounds so exciting - kind of like The Stand by Stephen King, except not.

Please update soon!

I agree that it's alittle hard to read because of the colour bi=ut i actually like the colours so maybe just mak it bigger. I think that this story is going to be really good. I really enjoyed your style of writing. I'm looking forward to reading more ~subscribed

Hey, I really like how this story is going. It reminds me of the movie 'Vanishing' or something like that. But a few things; you should make your font bigger and/or change the coolr because it's hard to read it when it's blending in with the background. But other than that, good work, and keep me updated! :)

New story. Not sure how long this will be. My guess is in the 10 to 15 chapter range.

This story will jump between the past and present (and possibly even future) a lot, so it's important that you pay attention to the dates posted. I don't want my readers getting confused because of my jumping around a lot.

Feedback isn't necessary but is always highly appreciated, as I would love to grow as a writer. Constructive criticism is not only welcome, it is also encouraged.