Illness - Comments

The close they got to his bedroom, the more Dustin’s mind raced, along with his heartbeat.
Here it should say "closer" instead of "close".

I think, especially on the racism part, that this story is very realistic. I've seen and heard a lot of things happen that happened in this story when it comes to the racism part.

Now the rape part, I don't know. I think you did a very good job of portraying that sort of situation. Like, that's fucked up, and you showed that part of it very well.

It's kind of a sick story, but you did a very good job. The basic writing is good, but you also did a great job of portraying some of those controversial topics.

Good job. And good luck in the contest.

Oh, and I also like the layout.

God, this is so disturbing but perfectly done. I think you've done such an accurate job of portraying power rape, and the narrator you crafted just gets inside Dustin's head perfectly.

There's several things I want to say:

1. I myself find rape disturbing, but when I asked people to write about it, I meant it. The whole violent, bloody shebang. To me, it's a character study of an individual's original character. It's interesting to see how one reacts to different situations, the character(s) in the story as well as the reader. I think you did a fantastic job with each character's personality.

2. I think it's kind of interesting, because I'm Chinese, and have experienced the racial side of the story. So I feel connected somehow.

3. I absolutely adore how you've captured Dustin's personality and the rapist perspective. I understand that most rapes happen because the rapist feels the need to be in control at all times. So I really like that you included that. That Dustin felt that he was losing control of what he had before Dong-Yul came.

4. There were a few grammatical mistakes, but it didn't prevent me from reading it. So good job there.

Overall, you did a really fantastic job, considering the topics make you uncomfortable. You portrayed you characters wonderfully as well as the topics. You should be proud. You probably feel like you shouldn't have written this, or are uncomfortable with posting it, but look at it from a character study point of view. You did an excellent job.