Silenced - Comments

  • gloriousjorious

    gloriousjorious (100)

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    I only have a few problems with this. One is the spelling, which is easily fixed. I just find it jarring to read spelling mistakes in a story that is written well like this. You pull me in with your well thought out writing, but I get knocked into reality when I hit a spelling mistake. My only other problem is that this is the third story in a row I’ve been brought to on the comment swap system that is in the vein of rape, abuse, murder, etc. I get that it’s real life and things like this do happen, but sometimes I want to read something that takes me out of the horror that is the real world. Not saying that your story isn’t good, it is (one of the better one’s I’ve read in this style actually), but honestly, reading multiple stories like this in a row is really draining and it kind of makes me go, “eh” when I start. Like, “oh, here we go again, more horrid things happening to innocent people.” But, in saying that, even though at first I was kind of like, “oh, more of the same” you actually managed to draw me and make me interested in what was happening. Keep up the good work and keep up this great story!
    April 30th, 2016 at 07:57am
  • StuckInWanderlust

    StuckInWanderlust (100)

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    This story is so incredibly, oh my god...
    April 14th, 2014 at 03:46am
  • MissyPrissy

    MissyPrissy (100)

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    I really love the story so far. I can't wait to read more of it, and I hope she gets to get away from her dad.
    February 17th, 2014 at 02:47am
  • JulieCHEE

    JulieCHEE (100)

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    I'm friends with Ash. She's going through a difficult time with her hearing lose.
    January 30th, 2014 at 02:44pm
  • CountryGirl712

    CountryGirl712 (100)

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    Comment swap- I love this!! Even though it is slightly disturbing it is written beautifully. You kept it really interesting and it made me sad that things like this go on in today's world. I also love your layout. I really want to know what happens next! I have subscribed and recommended :) Please please please keep writing more!
    January 3rd, 2014 at 11:11pm
  • Cupcake Princess

    Cupcake Princess (100)

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    I love what you have written so far and I'm waiting for you to update so please do it soon
    June 29th, 2013 at 11:18pm
  • AshyMandy

    AshyMandy (150)

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    Sorry guys I've been really sick and non active for a long time. I'm back and will be continuing work on this story. Thanks for the comments. I'm reading through and fixing them now :)
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:28am
  • AshyMandy

    AshyMandy (150)

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    Sorry guys I've been really sick and non active for a long time. I'm back and will be continuing work on this story. Thanks for the comments. I'm reading through and fixing them now :)
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:28am
  • JustPoly

    JustPoly (100)

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    I was brought here by comment swap, and I must say that I like your writing and your story is very interesting, but I would love to have a little more to work on, not just one chapter. I would love to read what´s next, so I hope you update soon.
    But for what I´ve seen it´s been very long since you posted this first chapter, so I must say I am a little worried... please prove me wrong.
    I´m not gonna comment on your grammar or spelling, not because I don´t want to, but simply because English it´s not my firs language, and I still learning it myself, though if I catch something I promise to let you know.
    It would been nice a little more descriptions on the surroundings, that is something that I usually have problems with it myself, but it really helps the readers to be able to visualize the scenes. It´s very clear, at least to me, what she is hearing, and what that make her feel, same with the window part, but it would helped a lot if you could include some insights of her room, window, backyard, and other stuff in order to be able to "see" things more clearly.
    May 13th, 2013 at 07:19pm
  • Lady.V.

    Lady.V. (960)

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    Dear author comment swap brought me here. Change the summary, make it more interesting. The only reason I decided to read the chapter was because of what you wrote in the summary that your story will contain. The chapter itself was detailed enough and filled with nice descriptions. Grammar/Spelling mistakes: 1. "He didn't know about Mummy. Or what my father does to me." 2. "I could feel OR felt (deppentiing on the tense you wanna use) my father's hands trail my body" 3. "Pain filled me the burning stinging pain that always came with this." between fileed me and the burning put comma. Overall, this has potential and it looks promising so I subscribed. Also, you have what 35 comment and so many are from comment swap. Edit the chapter and update already. That's all from me so bye. Xd ~Marian.
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:35pm
  • Lady.V.

    Lady.V. (960)

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    Dear author comment swap brought me here. Change the summary, make it more interesting. The only reason I decided to read the chapter was because of what you wrote in the summary that your story will contain. The chapter itself was detailed enough and filled with nice descriptions. Grammar/Spelling mistakes: 1. "He didn't know about Mummy. Or what my father does to me." 2. "I could feel OR felt (deppentiing on the tense you wanna use) my father's hands trail my body" 3. "Pain filled me the burning stinging pain that always came with this." between fileed me and the burning put comma. Overall, this has potential and it looks promising so I subscribed. Also, you have what 35 comment and so many are from comment swap. Edit the chapter and update already. That's all from me so bye. Xd ~Marian.
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:35pm
  • BVBfoREVer5554

    BVBfoREVer5554 (100)

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    Comment swap :D

    Okay, so this is a WONDERFUL story! I loved the detail and the length of the paragraphs. I saw a few spelling and grammar errors, but other than that it was very good. Keep up the good work.
    December 23rd, 2012 at 04:27am
  • cha0tica

    cha0tica (100)

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    Comment swap sent me.
    I love how well you are writing this from a child's Point of View. It is not an easy thing to do at all. The themes in the story are hard ones to handle and you are doing an exceptional job. Just watch your spelling. I saw like two mistakes. You are a strong writer. keep it up.
    November 19th, 2012 at 09:39am
  • paracosm.

    paracosm. (110)

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    Hello c:

    Comment swapper here. I really like it so far, it's very original and I adore that. I think that you're really good at describing something from a child's point of view, as when she refers to people as 'mummy' or 'daddy' it gives off that childish vibe, and you're just really good at portraying that kind of character. Children are actually pretty hard to write, surprisingly, so I applaud you. :)

    I felt really bad for her throughout the whole of the first chapter, the way she was banging on the glass and screaming 'mummy! mummy!' made me heart break, ugh it was so emotional and depressing. But that's what makes it good, the fact that you can make me feel pity for her.

    Oh, and you made a small error here:

    [1]10 year later[/1]

    If you want to make it italicized, you have to write [ i ] text [ / i ] (only without the spaces).

    There were a few spelling errors here and there, nothing major, and I won't detail it because all of the people below have mentioned it. ^-^

    Perhaps you could make a layout or banner for the story, to make it look more appealing? A lot of people judge a story by it's layout, so it would really help bring readers in if you made one. Or you could just use a premade one, or ask someone else to make it (people usually make blogs offering to make layouts, so you could check that out). Overall, it was a very enjoyable read. Thank You! Arms
    October 28th, 2012 at 05:17pm
  • Flatline

    Flatline (100)

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    Comment swap lead me here, I wouldn't normally read this type of story but it is a change from what I would read I guess.

    This story is very original, though (as some people have mentioned before) there are a few spelling and syntax errors which are only really noticeable to a critical eye (such as myself).

    The story would be improved by elaborating on the Cooper/character relationship, and also you could design a layout and/or a banner.
    August 6th, 2012 at 03:49pm
  • indigo.

    indigo. (480)

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    Hey there.

    First off, I like the voice you use in this first chapter. Not sure if you meant to make it seem that way but it gives the story more realistic edge, especially considering that this happens to Daniella when she's younger.

    The amount of detail you have is quite original too.

    I did notice, however, a few spelling and grammatical errors through the entire chapter. Examples could be:

    Daddy had over his shoulder something big rapped... - "rapped" should be "wrapped."

    I grow tired watching, my eye lids had became heavy. There's a switch in tense use in this sentence. Perhaps "I grow" could have been "I grew tired" or something to that effect.

    Overall though, despite the anomalies - all of which can be fixed by a quick read-through, this story seems like it has a lot to say. And you obviously have a talent in your hands. Good job :)
    July 31st, 2012 at 09:19am
  • daisyfairy

    daisyfairy (495)

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    this is really interesting. despite the fact that i was horrified by what she was going through i couldn't stop reading. it's something that's talked about a lot, the subject of abuse, but it's not always portrayed in a good way (i don't mean positive, obviously abuse is bad, but portrayed in a realistic and kind way to the victim, more like), and i'm hoping this will break the mould.

    there were a few spelling errors throughout the story, but it was nothing major. really i think you could just do with going over this a few more times. it's really good, and i can't wait to read more. <3
    July 21st, 2012 at 06:25pm
  • Riah63

    Riah63 (100)

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    This Bandy's Angel anything goes contest
    Background
    The background would suit the story better if it were darker colors
    Story
    I noticed a couple spelling mistakes and would like a bit more detail but great story. It left me wanting to read more
    July 6th, 2012 at 03:51am
  • fight the glamour;;

    fight the glamour;; (100)

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    Comment swap sent me here;;
    I spotted a few spelling and grammatical errors, which is normal. I wasn't very impressed with the lack of description. I love when people use wonderful description because it's like I'm watching it while I'm reading it, and with this story, I couldn't quite do that. It's a good concept, but I feel as though you didn't open much up about the characters. Other than that, keep up the good work.
    July 4th, 2012 at 11:00pm
  • AshyMandy

    AshyMandy (150)

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    Where about do i need more detail guys? It would help me out
    July 3rd, 2012 at 06:09am