Signed, Forever Yours - Comments

*Read through chapter 3* I have to kind of agree with what some other people already said. The first two paragraphs I found to be quite choppy, due to the lack of commas or any other sort of punctuation to break it up a bit. I don't know if that was the effect you were going for, because I feel that can work in some situations. However, two whole paragraphs of it seemed quite contrived, which was exacerbated by the overly sweet content of the plot. That being said, I think chapter 2 kind of salvaged the story for me. The thickening plot kept the inner dialogue of the characters from being overwhelmingly sweet. I think its a bit unrealistic that two people would be so infatuated with each other, so certain darker elements could balance out the story somewhat. Overall, I thought some of the writing was quite good, but some of the dialogue wasn't really believable and was choppy at times.

It's a god story so far, I like how you jump from character to character, I love stories with more than one point of view. Its not usually the type of story I'd read, but it was good. I may read more of this in the future.

It was a little robotic in the beginning, but as I read along the sentences began to join together better making it easier for me to read.

I really like the way you structured your writing, jumping from character to character more than once in one chapter. I can't quite explain why, but I really like it. Though you could put a little bit more in the beginning just to prevent confusion.

And the time shifts! oh goodness do I have a soft spot for time shifts. I think the time shifts make your story unique and strongly accent the plot (Which is great, you can do a lot with it).

The time jumps are slightly disorienting, but it makes the story unique. I think they are well done compared to most time jumps. The story itself is a bit hard to follow, but it's very well written. I liked it.

Firstly, I noticed a missing period in the summary. "Thanks)[]" There should be a period in the square brackets.

I notice that it reads a bit robotically sometimes because of the way you structure your sentences. It feels a bit like a list of things rather than description. An exampled of this is "His voice sounded like silk. She smiled at the thought of trying to talk to him. He’s too perfect for her. She doesn’t deserve somebody like him." It's kind of he did this, then she did that, then he thought this, and she said that which makes it really clunky. A possible solution could be a bit more joining of sentences and things.
Example; "His voice was soft, like silk, and it made her smile when she thought about talking to him. He is much too perfect for her, she doesn't deserve him."

Anyway, I hope I've helped in some way.

So, I really love this. Like REALLY love this. It is a bit cuter than most things I read, but in a good way. I love the descriptions you use when they're talking about each other. It's reallyvquite adorable, and on top of that I don't believe I saw one single grammar/spelling mistake...Excellent work!

I noticed in the first paragraph of the third chapter you mixed up the he's and she's once or twice so you may want to fix that!

Also, towards the end of third chapter you switch between past and present tense. You also do it a couple of times in the fifth chapter.

The text in the fifth chapter from Jarrod isn't formatted right. You accidentally put his name in the quotation.

I only read the first chapter, but I down-right LOVED all that I read. It was certainly a cutesy-romancey-fluffy type chapter/story and I love that. I don't read them often but I was happy I read this. I didn't find any errors, by the way.

I love how this chapter went back and forth between Amberlee and Caleb's point of views. It was interesting and helps the reader understand the feelings of both characters. And I love innocent the relationship seems to be (not that there is one yet xD). Like he just wants to do these simple, romantic things with her, not even mentioning sex. It's realistic and catching.

But what's impressive about this story and your writing is your word flow. For me, it was so easy to read fr0m one sentence onto the next, not stopping and tripping over odd words that you randomly could have thrown in. It was easy to read and understand and I breezed through it. Not a lot of stories are like that, so be proud of it.

Keep up all your good work :)

this is very sweet. it's a little more sugary so far, than what i usually read, but i really like it. the description is pretty strong, and i hope that as i read on it carries on that way.

i've only just read the first chapter, but i really am enjoying it. it doesn't have a strong hook thus far, and that's my only crit really, and that's not a major point. it just seems as it this chapter could've carried on a little longer? i do like longer chapters though, so it's probably just me.

it's really good though, and the layout is way cute. <3

So I really like the plot of this. It's strong and you can do a lot with it. However, I do find the quickly changing P.O.V's to be a little bit confusing. I would suggest putting a little note or whatever at the beggining of a new one, just so everyone understands. I really like the way that you have them thinking the other is perfect while neither of them is anywhere near perfection. I love the names for your characters. Names are something that always get me in a story, so I loved Amberlee and Jarrod, they're very unique. I hope that you'll continue writing and using the talent that is one display in this story!

"Her golden blonde hair and baby blue eyes sang like angels to him."

That's a bit of a cliche image to start out with. In fact, a lot of the things you use to describe her seem a little Mary-sue like in the beginning. And, when you're describing him, the images are much better- his voice being like silk, for example, is a unique comparison. I think you should try to up the originality in the first paragraph to match the second.

I'm very unsure of the action and timeline of this first chapter. There is no setting, no frame of reference and none of the characters partake in any action aside from thinking to themselves. Since this is the first chapter, I think you need something more concrete to pull readers in.

The second chapter has a much better introduction. The images of winter are great, the characters are doing things and we get a sense of Amberlee's individual personality, which is important to me as a reader. She's painted as this flat, picture perfect character in the first chapter, but in the second chapter we see she's a real person struggling with abuse. I think this makes a much more effective first chapter- I got this story through comment stop, but if I had stumbled upon this on my own, I wouldn't have been attracted b y the first chapter, which is a shame because the rest is much more interesting. Starting with a flash forward can work well, but I don't see it working in this situation.

Good luck with your story. =]

Hi, I just wanted to say that your writing style is wonderful. Everything flows right, and I really enjoyed reading this. I do love a good romance story, especially if it makes me feel things, which you've made me feel things. xD

There are a couple things you could do to help the writing out. I had a hard time in the beginning finding out who everyone was, and differring the scene changes and points of view changes. Plus, there were a few tense issues here and there, which could be fixed easily, so don't worry about that. I would suggest not putting the prologue as the prologue, but as the first chapter and not have a prologue at all. The prologue happens before the story itself, so it got me confused on the time skips, and I had to look back to make sense of things. Just stick with the prologue as the introductory chapter, and then move onward with your notes on thing happening months prior.

I really loved this story. Automatically, I thought your characters were perfect for each other and it bothered me when they weren't together. xD And abusive relationships can go die in a hole, it always gets at me when I read stories with them in it. (Unless they're corny-written, but you managed to pull it off.) And also, this is a small thing, but I love the name Amberlee. Just a little thing that makes me like this story more. :)

Keep on writing it. I really enjoy it. :)

This is really good. Very descriptive. I couldn't find any spelling mistakes or issues with grammar. I really like where this is going. I also really liked the last chapter. It was cute.

Keep on writing!

Wow! Well you are a really awesome writer, there is no doubt in that and I really like this story and how it is progressing so far. As far as the characters go, I was not too happy in the beginning. It felt like they were the greatest, most beautiful characters on earth and sort of seemed fake to me. But as I read more of the story, I realized that they did have feelings and flaws in themselves.

Overall, this story has great potential. If you just paid more attention to grammar and not making the characters so perfect, this story would be a masterpiece! Please continue writing because you are really good :)

Your writing style is honestly beautiful. You have amazing attention to the details of your settings and characters. You should read over Chapter 3 though, because there are a couple of little places where it changes from past to present tense in the same paragraph.
I'm definitely going to continue reading.

At first, this plot seemed a bit too perfect. Like, it was something right out a dream, but upon further inspection, I could see that there are little glitches that give the plot depth.

The main thing that I don't like is the layout. None of the colors are the same, the contrast in extremely low, and it's hard to read the text over the photo in the middle. It got so hard to read that I had to switch to the default layout.

All over, well done and I wish you luck in following chapters. <3

It seems like you have the whole plot planned out well, which is really good, and makes it interesting to read. I was worried the characters seemed too perfect and beautiful, but ican see you had planned them out well to give them insecurities and make them seem realistic. I did get a little confused with all the flashbacks, I admit, but I see they acted as a prologue of sorts to the story now. I think you have a good idea going on here, so well done

I've read the prologue and I like it so far!

Oh, I do quite enjoy this. I really enjoy how your characters like each other, but have two incredibly and completely different stories. This is a great plot with fantastic character background so far.

You had a few mistakes, but nothing particularly major, really. One thing that I noticed was the space here:
Amberlee turned to her best friend,” So do you think he likes me?”
It should be, Amberlee turned to her best friend, "So do you think he likes me?"
Do you see what changed? The comma placement. You put it too early.

She didn’t know Caleb was seeing something. - I'm assuming that instead of 'something', you meant 'someone.'

Also, you're missing some commas in places. For example:
“Sam I don’t want to talk to you.”
There should be a comma between "Sam" and "I"; like - "Sam, I don't want to talk to you."

Other than these not-so-major mistakes, this is great. I really like this. (:

Subbing AND reccing. And I don't recc very often haha.

I really loved this so far. You write very well and I love both the characters :). I'm pretty curious about chapter 3 though and what Caleb's story is!