Late Dawns and Early Sunsets - Comments

~Comment Swap
This is a good start, your writing flow is great, easy to follow and read. The first few chapters are short but I like that, keeps me interested.
Unfortunately I'm not up to date with any of the My Chemical Romance band members. None the less I did enjoy it.
As I read I didn't come across any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors.
Very nice keep writing :D

I just discovered this story and I slapped myself because how is it possible this little gem has escaped my eyes until today!
I love how mysterious Frank is, I don't even know what he is but he has such a double personality and ah, I love it!
Oh Gerard, he's so...ah, I can't even describe it but he's something <3
I love this story, it's one of my favorites as of now; update soon, can't wait to read more!

xo

Hey! I'm here from the comment swap. I'm so glad I got a story like this. I love My Chemical Romance. :)

I'll start from your summary. It's really good, really well written. The only thing is the shadow around the chapter titles makes it kind of hard for my eyes. I don't really want to look at them.

The shadow in the layout for the actual chapter is fine. :) It's a good chapter, but it's kind of unnecessary to keep referring to Gerard's room as "basement room" because you've already established that it's in the basement. Also, the sentence "I took a canvas from the box of canvases..." That's kind of redundant. It's good though, gives a good picture of what Gerard's room is like and some insight into his personality. :)

Chapter two: The first sentence, "We moved our stuff in on Friday, and today was Sunday." I think this could be worded a little better. It's kind of awkward as the first sentence. Also, today is the present; it is today, it was yesterday. "...more than Newark. Back in Newark..." it's kind of redundant. "Mikey and I were planning to drive down there today in my new car, just so we wouldn’t get lost tomorrow. We had to pick up some leaflets and shit that had been sent out to the other students at the start of the summer." This is a contradiction; if the went to get something, then it wasn't "just" so they wouldn't get lost, right?
"Mikey and I went into the school to be met by a plump lady dressed in pink and purple called Flora who we found out was the secretary." This is kind of awkward to read. Maybe break it apart, or reword it?
Overall, I like this chapter. You did a great job of showing how much Gerard cares about his family. :)

Chapter three is pretty good, but Gerard's thoughts should be indicated in some way, or else it looks like part of the description. :) "I showered off the sweat and woke myself up in the process with the water changing from warm heaven to icy doom in a matter of seconds." This is kind of a contradiction. Gerard didn't wake himself up, the water woke him up by turning cold, right? I really liked the way that the characters interacted in this chapter. It was really natural. :)

Chapter four, the first paragraph. It's not bad, but... Most high school seniors have had experience with alcohol. In fact, it's expected to have alcohol at most high school parties. also, the amount of alcohol Gerard had drank would be enough to keep him from standing up straight, especially if this is his first time with alcohol. He wouldn't be able to make it to the club without puking his guts out before he got there. Especially since he mixed the shots with beer... XD Then the next five at the bar... He would be passed out before he could even make eye contact with the girl.... He would be almost dead...

Chapter five is decent, but... Okay, I don't want to be gross, but when someone has been out drinking and they vomit, it has a certain... Odor.... It smells alcoholic, almost. You can tell. His mom would have found out that way... Other than that, I really like it. I think it paints a pretty good picture of bullying. It's really believable. :)

In chapter six, I like the way that you make Mikey seem so crazy about Alicia. It's so cute. X) The part between Gerard and his mom too. It's really, really good. Realistic. I really like this chapter. :)

Chapter seven I really like also. Gives a better idea of what Gerard's friends are like, what he thinks of them, and how they interact. It's also really, really cute between Gerard and Frank. I like the way that started and ended. Really great. :) And I think I like where this story is going. :)

Overall, I really like the story. It's really well written, with a few fumbles. It really needs to be proof read though, because there are many grammar and punctuation mistakes, which kind of distract from the story. I like the way that you write your characters, they're mostly believable, with the exceptions that I pointed out. I like it a lot; I think it's really good.

My fucking god, your layout making skills are EPIC.
Anyways, onto the story~~
Everything is amazing,,, except a few grammatical errors, I am going to point only one out because it was the first one I noticed and I'm not so sure about it.

You have, "Stupid box,” he muttered, and then glanced upwards to me.

His face went from the palest of white to crimson red in a split second.

“Sorry Gee,” he said, a little louder this time, “did I wake you?”" And I think that all should be one paragraph, I think... but oh well.

I like the names and whatnot, Mikey is spelled in a way I've never seen before, which is good, and the dialogue is awesome, something I cease to master. All-in-all, you have a good story here.

Hi there, here because of the lovely comment swap.
I really liked this story, and I loved the imagery and descriptive language used. I'm a sucker for good descriptions and imagery.
It was written really well, and I enjoyed reading it. Also, I have to mention it because I'm a huge music buff, THANK YOU FOR THE MUSIC POSTERS! Loved the mentions of all the great artists ....

I like this story, it all seems to flow really well, great visual and description. I seem to be getting a lot of Gerard Way fan fics today, but that’s alright. I like MCR. This story is being told well, and I like the interactions and emotions. Great job, keep it up!

I'm here from comment swap and the background is very catchy and immediately caught my attention! :) You have a good story line and you have great grammar which is good! It's not the same like every type of fan fiction! Keep it up!

Okay so I have to say that I really, really enjoy this story! I like how the main character had to find out about his sexuality and how there seemed to be a lot of antagonism between the two main characters. I love when two characters can hate each other and then learn to love one another is what I mean. I like what you got going here, so I shall subscribe for more.

I do have one question though, and it's really more of an after thought, but if the main character and his friends are only in high school, how did they manage to get alchohol? Like a fake I.D. perhaps? I don't know it just popped into my head while reading so...

Oh and also, I know by now you may be getting tired of the layout comments so i'll just say that it's really nice and then i'll go onto your writing. Which was actually really good by the way. I can read it smoothly and easily, and that makes it much more of an enjoyable read don't you think?

Keep writing because this story I actually like!

I'm here from comment swap! I agree, the layout is interesting, I love the glowing chapter names! Your description is pretty fantastic, and your grammar is basically flawless, which I appreciate. Not big into Frerard, but that's okay. Nice work!

First, I really love the layout. It's really pretty. Second, I have no idea who this Frerard person is in real life, but reading this story I don't feel like I have to. Like, I really have NO idea who they are. I guess my opinion is not bias at all. I like your detail and I hope as the story progresses more you keep that up and don't let it turn into a 'cliche'. Good work :D

Comment swap!
Okay, so. I'm not big on Frerard. At. All. But this wasn't unbearable.

Your grammar and spelling is nearly perfect, with the only mistakes being personal preferences, and your plot isn't super cliched like a lot of stories in comment swap are.

In fact, the fact that I don't really like MCR or Frerard or whatever doesn't really impair my ability to understand the story. That's a really good quality in fanfictions.

I love your layout, too. It matches perfectly and I lovelovelove how you've lowered the opacity on the text box over the wood background. The picture is cute and I love the red tones throughout the entire layout. If anything, I'm not a fan of the black title over the dark part of the picture. Personally, I would like to see it at the top of the photo or, perhaps, make the title a different color over the dark portion.

I don't know if anything I've just said made sense, but I tried. XD

<333

Comment swapper. :3
I've seen many Frerards on here and to be quite honest it gets frustrating because they're all the same. But I really like this one, it doesn't seem like the typical cliché story from what I've read so far. I love how you described the hallway scene. It really makes me excited for more interaction. You're taking their relationship very slowly, whilst other authors rush through the first encounter and rush the development of the relationship. I really really love that you're not doing that. :D
And there I was, thinking there aren't many good Frerards left. Thank you for proving me wrong! :3

first i love your layout and how the image matches the colours of the layout. in other news i really like how frank and gerard interact together and the hallway scene but i wish there was more interaction by the two (i know there will be more to come) but i feel like you have started them really slowly. im excited to see where you take this though

Hey I think this is a really neat idea for a story, I love who you described how hard it is for someone to 'come out' I really do hope you keep this up, I think it's a really good story so far! Well done!

Hi, I’m here on comment swap!

Your writing is interesting and I loved your introduction to the story. I’ve only read the first chapter, and so far I love it. The only thing that I didn’t like was your lack of dialogue. I know that it’s just a short chapter but I still feel like it could have done with some more, just to get the feel of some of the characters.

I loved how you described everything around because that is what a lot of people lack. The only thing wrong with it was at the end of the chapter it seemed like you were over describing.

Other than that I love the direction you hit this story off and I’m defiantly subscribing and reading more of this!

Hi, I’m here on comment swap!

Your writing is interesting and I loved your introduction to the story. I’ve only read the first chapter, and so far I love it. The only thing that I didn’t like was your lack of dialogue. I know that it’s just a short chapter but I still feel like it could have done with some more, just to get the feel of some of the characters.

I loved how you described everything around because that is what a lot of people lack. The only thing wrong with it was at the end of the chapter it seemed like you were over describing.

Other than that I love the direction you hit this story off and I’m defiantly subscribing and reading more of this!

Hi, I’m here on comment swap!

Your writing is interesting and I loved your introduction to the story. I’ve only read the first chapter, and so far I love it. The only thing that I didn’t like was your lack of dialogue. I know that it’s just a short chapter but I still feel like it could have done with some more, just to get the feel of some of the characters.

I loved how you described everything around because that is what a lot of people lack. The only thing wrong with it was at the end of the chapter it seemed like you were over describing.

Other than that I love the direction you hit this story off and I’m defiantly subscribing and reading more of this!

Welp, comment swap sent me here! I really enjoyed your writing style, but I only read one chapter because I'm not a big My Chemical Romance or Frerard fan. I think this was really well written, and you should continue on with the story. :] <3

Comment swap(:
I loved your layout. Wood backgrounds are my favorite, so huge brownie points for that! The story is well written. I'm not a huge MCR fanfiction person but I liked your writing style and it made me like the story, you put a lot of character into it

Comment swap(:
I loved your layout. Wood backgrounds are my favorite, so huge brownie points for that! The story is well written. I'm not a huge MCR fanfiction person but I liked your writing style and it made me like the story, you put a lot of character into it