Is It Killing You Like It's Killing Me? - Comments

This is a really cool story! I don't usually read books like this, so I really stepped out of my comfort zone and really learned to like this story. I hope you continue to write and improve. Good luck, many thanks for your story from Comment Swap. <3

This was a super interesting story! I really enjoyed your voice in this, it's a writing style I don't often see and thought was well done for the most part. I would just take some time to thoroughly edit so that grammatical or punctuation errors don't take away from the story. Keep writing! Great job!

By the way, I'm on comment swap ^^

By the way, I'm on comment swap ^^

By the way, I'm on comment swap ^^

By the way, I'm on comment swap ^^

Hey there, This is a very cool story. Two sisters just immediately take me to that story where the tow sisters kill their mother, very weird movie but this is pretty good. The description of their father walking on the house was creepy as hell. Keep up the good work.

Hi there, I'm here for comment swap. I hope this is helpful for you!

1st Chapter: One thing I noticed about the chapter was that there was a lot of "telling" instead of "showing." For example, at one part Grace was describing her feelings for her sister, being a best friend, how she looked up to her, and these statements are told outright. I'd suggest finding a way to show those feelings instead of telling them. For example, what actions does Jessica do to make Grace feel this affection for her?
Overall, great job. The drug use at the end was unexpected and a good turnaround.

Chapter 2. What I liked was the small descriptions of characters and things, that helped with characterization a lot. In this chapter, I found there were a lot of cliches, though, and that can distract from the intimate details about your characters. It seems in a lot of YA novel characters categorize their classmates, like geeks, popular kids, etc. That has been done a lot in this genre, so I'd suggest changing these details to something else, OR putting what we call a "lampshade" on it. This is pointing out the cliche in the narration so it's not too startling.

Overall, great job! I hope this comment helps.

I don’t really care for paragraphs two and three in chapter one. I know that this is basic info to help us get to know your characters, but for maybe some of this, you should start out showing, instead of telling. If you did that, the reader could figure most of this out without being directly told. Just a thought.

“They fancied the hell out of each other.”---I like the diction you chose for this line. It’s different.

“He needed the money to pay for the alcohol. The alcohol that drove him insane. The liquid that drove him to hurt his little girls.”-----I love this. It really helps the reader understand how serious the problem is.

I like how in chapter two, the reason why Jessica smokes weed is explained. I also think it’s sweet when she says she really doesn’t like to do it in front of her sister because it worries her.

“You’re high arnt you”---Arnt should be changed to aren’t. "And your not?"----your should be you’re. "Touché Miss Anderson, Touché.”----a comma needs to be placed after the first Touché.
Okay, now that I’m done being picky, let me just say that I love both of your writing styles. I find both of your main characters to be very likeable. However, I do dearly hope that our victims do find the courage to stand up for themselves and get themselves out of this situation. I don’t really care for fics that just make the abusive victims poor, weak things that stay in that situation, or only manage to “break free” because someone else is their savior. I really hope they “break free” on their own. But, in general, this is good.

Hi ladies! I'm from the comment swap as well. :) Co-writes can be hard to do, but I really think your two chapters flowed nicely and your writing styles compliment each other. I agree with jacasaurusrex, Jessica's 'perfectness' isn't overdone - which i think is SO common when people are trying to show a contrast between their characters, good job on that! I also like the way you've done the titles, it's creative and adds a little more umph. I always like the best friend love interest in a story, because there's so much that can get complicated and I'm going to keep reading to see what happens.

Hey, loves! The Comment Swap brought me to this lovely piece of fiction. I have to say straight away, as nearly everyone prior to me has commented on, the layout is beautiful! Mint and floral are my favorites. Now on to the story itself. I read both chapters and I have to say there could be a little more cohesiveness between the two author's writing but I know how hard that is with a co-write so it's certainly not a deal breaker for me. Then I have to say that I was not really bothered by Jessica seeming to be the perfect one, I don't think it was overdone and it is hard to set up a story without giving a lot of detail in the first chapter, I always find the first few chapters to be some of the hardest tow write myself. All in all I like it, I have to say I might like the Jessica chapter a bit more than the Grace chapter but it's hard to say at this point which writer of the two I prefer. I will be subscribing to keep up with the progress! Nice job, ladies!

From Comment Swap.
I'm not sure what I'm going to say without repeating what has been said below me.
Well, I love, love, love the layout. It's so beautiful and easy to read, so that's an A+
I love both of your guys writing, this co-write is just wonderful. A few things though. In a few places, I feel like you just tell details instead of showing them, which can really make the tone of the story. For example, saying that Jessica never lets her live down the fact that she's ten minutes older than she is, you could have used that little snippet in a future conversation. Just things along that kind of line.
I caught very few grammatical mistakes as well.
Keep up the good work!

So I read the comments below and I'm trying to figure out what to say without repeating haha. You've seen what others have said. The plot line is grand, I just think you two as authors need to communicate a bit and agree to have some similar aspects. Other than that, keep up the good work! :)

Just like a lot of the others before me have said, your story is very interesting. The summary is short, sweet, and to the point. They layout is simple, very easy to read. I do agree with the others when it comes to showing how Grace reacts to her sister. I wont keep repeating what others are saying. From what I seen personally, there are not many mistakes. Maybe add some more detail, actually paint out the scene for us more. Good start overall! Cant wait to read more.

This is an interesting plot concept, and I do quite like it. I like the differences you guys have created between the twins. While I'm not usually a person focused on a character's appearance, I actually found myself quite happy with the way you described them, making the golden blonde Grace be the quiet one (that definitely kills some stereotypes).

However, like some have mentioned before me, I find the relationship a bit... odd? It makes sense to me that Grace is so admiring of her sister because Jessica just appears stronger; however, it was a bit confusing when Jessica just brushed Grace off in the first chapter.

As co-authors, I think you guys may need to discuss characters a bit. There were some discrepancies in the characters between chapters - or so it felt to me. Like how in the second chapter, Grace told Jessica something along the lines of how she wanted Jessica to not protect her? That really didn't make sense to me. While I understand that a character's perception of someone else isn't always what they think and therefore can make alternating perspectives confusing at times, the chapters just didn't jive together quite right, and it felt like a difference in how the characters were being presented.

Overall, I do think you guys have a good concept going; with some mild tweaking, I think what you want to achieve will happen!

I'm liking it so far. I do agree with the comment below me, maybe you need to put Grace in a scenario where it shows what Jessica does to deserve that kind of admiration that she gets. I'm interested in seeing what goes on between Grace and Blake. I do like how one twin is the more outspoken one, and the other is the quiet one. It's nice to have that balance. Comment swap brought me here, by the way. :)

Your story is well-written so far! It's easy to read, your grammar is correct, and the layout makes it easy to read - I like the background! :-)

I do have a few suggestions though - maybe try showing with your writing, rather than telling. You could SHOW that Grace looks up to her sister Jessica by creating a situation and showing Grace's reaction to her sister. This shows the reader rather than slamming us with some hard facts, especially in the first chapter.

Also, it seems a little strange how flawless Jessica is. Are sisters ever so awestruck by admiration of each other? You can try and work on characterization here if you are interested in making your characters more realistic.

However, if this story is just for fun - as joint stories usually are - then just roll with it! Who really cares what I say as long as you're having a fun time writing it. My friend and I write a lot of roleplays which end up sounding a little like how this story is written, but they're just for fun and not for improvement at all.

Keep writing, and even if you don't listen to my critiques, you'll get better! :-)

Comment Swap:
So, first of all, i find your layout to be sort of interesting, though sort of strange when paired with the story line. Maybe that's me. However its easy to read and i like the way you've done the titles.
Your summery is very to the point and explains what the story is about clearly.

Hello there. :) Well let's get started, shall we? XD I was brought here from comment swap and I'm glad I did. Seriously comment swap works like magic. C: On to your story. It was very well written. Your thoughts were organized in this. I like the plot and the personalities the twins have. That's a story with twins which I wouldn't miss. It's different and rather interesting. Well done. XD

Comment Swap.
So I thought that your story is really good. Well written and organized, also your characters are well described something that I can’t do with mine. I always have trouble on this. Keep up the great writing and also if you have any writing tips I would appreciate it.