Shaded Beauty - Comments

Two other things that are more personal to me. I am looking forward to Colton going to prison, please add that in soon. Also Alright which appears regularly is a controversial alternate of "all right" Grammar Nazis insist that alright is incorrect, however Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) used it. Still it is going to bother some people because it appears wrong. Another distraction but only for some people. I wold change all 50 or so alright(s) to all right, but I would also get rid of some of them.

You have a great story going here. You are a good storyteller and it is cute and holds your attention even though it is not my type of subject matter. You have a lot of editing to do to correct grammar errors, improper word usage and typos. But no plot inconsistencies or big picture kinds of issues. The little errors are pretty distracting and sometimes amusing. Cleaning them up will allow readers to better focus ont he story. I noted a few examples at first, then stopped because it was distracting. I do not know whether this is helpful to you but here are a few of the types of things you need to clean up:

Wrong words:
Books do not eagerly wait.
"unriviting" gaze - you either mean riveting or unnerving.
"undyingly" in love with her - not a word.
"implanted" in place - you meant "planted." this one is funny, look up implanted.
"the doctors would not operate on her desk" is the desk sick? You meant "would not operate on her on her desk."
"football field that grew into a friendship between the group." . . . the football field did not grow into a friendship, and it does not seem to involve the group, but the two boys.
"Shaya turned to glare at her, to whom she responded" makes no sense, probably "to which she responded" She responded to the glare, not to the person because no one said anything to respond to. However "to which or to whom is bad sentence structure - needs to be re-written.
"distain" the word is "disdain" maybe just a typo, but that is not really the right word here.

Typos:
"what in idiot" - an
"spotted black hair girl" I want to see the girl with spotted black hair, or you could add "the"
Mrs. Greely became Mr. Greely or maybe that is a hint that the teacher left to have a sex change?
"Tomorrow you'll show up in class tomorrow" put it at one end or the other, not both (and ditch the contraction).

General issues:

Excessive use of contractions, especially outside of dialogue. Get rid of at least half of them. Better yet get rid of all of them.

Excessive use of adjectives and adverbs where they are not necessary or helpful. Example: "completely turned away" when simply "turned away" conveys the exact same meaning with less confusion and wordiness. There are a dozen or so examples of this, I just picked one at random.

Sentence structure, especially at the beginning. Break up sentences. four commas is usually too many. Look though other grammatical structure issues, I did not make notes of them but noticed a lot, especially at the beginning.

It may seem like I am being picky but these types of errors are really distracting from what is otherwise a well written and well told story with great detail and character development. It may be you just have not had time to go through and edit/tweak the story since you are still writing it. (I am in the same position, plus MIBBA apparently has not way to allow you to move chapters around.).

Your greatest strength in my opinion is your ability to get into and develop the inner thoughts and motives of characters without making it too drawn out. To me this was a good story to read, and also a good story to learn some things about writing style.

-comment swap-
This is a really well written story. Most other teacher/student stories are too quick to rush into the romantic side of things. I also like the element of the Lucas/ Shaya relationship. Other stories with a similar subject tend to leave the main character almost obsessed with the subject of interest. Her relationship with Lucas allows for other possible outcomes. This is one of the few CS stories I've subscribed too and I hope you get a chance to update soon. :)

Well firstly I would like to say that this is a teacher/student love story done right..imo :) I like the flow of the story and the character development and relationships don't feel rushed at all. The characters are real and relate-able and the love triangle just adds to the drama. I love your descriptions, they defiantly painted the scenes out for me. As for grammar I found very minor errors, most were words that were missing a letter.. something that is easily overlooked and quick to fix.

I must say that I am a fan :) I was pulled along with the emotions of the characters and was excited for their evolving relationships. I feel a bit weary about Lucas, but that just makes me want to read on to find out what will happen. Can't wait for more~ keep it up

Great chapter!!!!

love love lovee itt!update soonn girl

YAY new update! Things are becoming more complicated..I see! Can't wait for next update. :)

Hmm...I don't think I like Lucas.

Literally one of my favorite books that I've ever found on this site. Please update!

We're still with you!!

oh, ok february 6th. can't wait! :)

Please update soon!!

Im so confused, that was last times update?:3

Just found this story and I can't believe how happy I am I did! I can't wait for the next one. Hopefully soon, yes?

I don't know how to describe this story, it's just too cute <3
can I ask for some pict of them? or I just can imagine about them? hehe ;)

First off..... I LOVED IT!! Second off, the 2nd is my 18th b-day and i'd LOVE LOVE LOVE an update for a b-day present :)

I love you! For updating early.
I'm so excited for whats to be next!
Lucas and Shaya= Oh yessss!
This was such a sweet chapter, can't wait to read more.
pretty amazing!
Waiting till the 2 nd!

i absolutely love this ermgerd.
I cant wait to find out more about Mr.Colton(;
and Lucas too.

I LOVE THIS! It is soo good! :D

Lovvving this! Can't wait til the 2nd! :)