Apparition - Comments

  • sandrapop1

    sandrapop1 (100)

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    Thank you! This chapter just made my day (: I just loooove Harvey being over-protective, horny and yet so sweet at the same time!
    November 21st, 2012 at 07:59pm
  • sandrapop1

    sandrapop1 (100)

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    It was so long time ago I found a good story and this is definitely the best on this site so far. And that's saying a lot coming from me because of my pickiness. And I love how she struggles but in the end gives in like it's her destiny. Maybe it is? (; Too sad you haven't updated in a while and it would be even more sadder if you didn't do it this week so keep the ball rolling!
    November 17th, 2012 at 09:16pm
  • Just_QueenPaige

    Just_QueenPaige (100)

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    im justing starting the story but when you change time frame she's doing things in use better conventions to show that time has elapsed. like when she is baking cookies for harvey in chapter 2. it went form buying to cooking to out front of his house in 3 lines. good so far.
    October 28th, 2012 at 10:49pm
  • BeenDownThatRoad

    BeenDownThatRoad (100)

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    Good update:). What happened to harvey though? in the last chapter he told her he would be there at 6 and then it skips ahead to her going out at 8 with other dudes? I dont think Harvey will like that she is out with another guy at a party...should get interesting!
    October 28th, 2012 at 07:54pm
  • sdgfvbjkhkjnkjbjhhb

    sdgfvbjkhkjnkjbjhhb (100)

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    i absolutely adore this, just read it all in less than an hour. troy better keep his hands off our girl ;)
    October 28th, 2012 at 03:26pm
  • fan_girl

    fan_girl (100)

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    Great chapter!! Hopefully Harvey doesn't find out about this Troy guy or there could be some trouble ;) At least Amy's not interested in him, how could you be when you've got someone like Harvey?! Not really sure if I like Brooke, she seems like one of those friends who ends up stabbing you in the back.....just a feeling, that's all.
    Update as soon as you can, I freaking love this story <3
    October 28th, 2012 at 11:46am
  • Marie13

    Marie13 (100)

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    This is amazing!!! I cant wait to read more!
    September 28th, 2012 at 03:33am
  • BeenDownThatRoad

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    Oooh, I really like this! I love darker stories, and him deing a demon who has been pretty much stalking her is kind of hot..lol. I cant wait for more of this. great writing:)
    September 28th, 2012 at 02:25am
  • HeartOfGold

    HeartOfGold (100)

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    Amaazzinggg update!!:)
    This Harvey is freaking the hell out of me, but strangely I love it:P
    September 27th, 2012 at 05:03pm
  • Sims3_109

    Sims3_109 (100)

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    scarry, intriuging, powerful hold. Hehe I really like it. You've got yourself a subscriber. Can't wait for an update :)
    September 27th, 2012 at 02:41pm
  • Sims3_109

    Sims3_109 (100)

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    scarry, intriuging, powerful hold. Hehe I really like it. You've got yourself a subscriber. Can't wait for an update :)
    September 27th, 2012 at 02:41pm
  • HeartOfGold

    HeartOfGold (100)

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    OH HOT DAMN! lol
    Well what a chapter. I can't wait for your next update.
    September 18th, 2012 at 12:41am
  • HeartOfGold

    HeartOfGold (100)

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    Really now, you needed to end it there haha... i enjoyed it very much you have yourself a subscriber :) Can't wait for more updates!
    August 16th, 2012 at 02:11pm
  • julialynn!

    julialynn! (100)

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    Considering I believe in demons and the paranormal, I'm slightly creeped out.. but I'm so intrigued! I like him and yet I don't. And Harvey is definitely an adorable name. I don't know a Harvey so.. it's fine with me, I don't know about anyone else. Haha.
    August 7th, 2012 at 02:48am
  • Shattered_Mirror

    Shattered_Mirror (100)

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    Haha, thanks. I'm working on it. By the way, how else do you feel about Harvey? And I've been wondering if Harvey is a sexy enough name.
    July 28th, 2012 at 10:23pm
  • julialynn!

    julialynn! (100)

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    Oh my goodness, you are trying to kill me! I need to know what happens. Harvey freaks me out, and yet doesn't, and yet does. I'm so confused with my feelings! Lol.
    July 28th, 2012 at 08:09am
  • lantanalives

    lantanalives (100)

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    I'm glad you're keeping this going, I like it a lot :)
    July 23rd, 2012 at 04:03pm
  • julialynn!

    julialynn! (100)

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    I like where this is going, it's really interesting. I think Brooke is that classic best friend, I like her very much. And this man she sees seems very spooky. I'm so intrigued by him but I'm scared at the same time, if that makes sense.

    Other than that the only problem I have is how the writing is set up. After each paragraph or line there must be a space, or else it's hard to keep track of where you are with your eyes. Just edit it a bit, which I have to do consistently, and everything would be beautiful. :)
    July 23rd, 2012 at 06:52am
  • Shattered_Mirror

    Shattered_Mirror (100)

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    I appreciate the feedback, and I'll work it into my story; it's still a work in progress. Thanks a lot!
    July 2nd, 2012 at 06:40am
  • lantanalives

    lantanalives (100)

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    Hey :) I love the story. It's well written with a plot-line I'm definitely interested in following. However, you did ask for constructive criticism so here it goes:
    -Firstly, the 'lesbian joke' statement stands out. It's one of those inside-joke things everyone has with their friends but don't really like reading about. The "Hello, my love!" part is fine, but the sentence thereafter could use editing
    -Secondly, I've read a lot of teen fiction where the parents are out of the main character's life because they're heartless blah blah blah. I would recommend you edit that sub-plot so that the parents are just away on business a lot. Or if that was your intention, just make it more distinct.
    -Thirdly, don't take me too seriously; I'm just a picky reader :)
    Overall it's really excellent and I hope you update again soon :)
    July 1st, 2012 at 04:55pm