Angels Born of Hell and Fire - Comments

I found your story thanks to Comment Swap and I'm glad that I did. I looked at your character page and I found your characters... interesting. Your introduction pulled me right in. You're very good at description, and I like that. The plot is really original and interesting. Good job, keep up the good work!

Before I get to the good stuff, it would be so lovely if you put a space between each paragraph, it makes it much easier to read. I really like how you're writing mixes simplicity with complexity. Like, your word choices are very simple but the actual storyline is more complex. It's a nice balance. This usually isn't the type of story I would choose to read and I got sent here through comment swap, but I think this is a really good story! Good luck with it, darling!

Comment swap brought me here, I really am enjoying your story! A few things I would suggest are definitely some spaces between paragraphs, and just reread or have someone else proof read your chapters, there are a few places where you used the wrong word. In chapter 4 you used "defiantly" when it should have been "definitely". There were also a few places that you need a comma, or something small. Other than that it seems like a great story! I can't wait to read more!

Oh goodness, don't forget you need spaces between all paragraphs as a site rule. It also just helps it look a not cleaner.

"thats the voice of the man who kidnapped Jasper and I!" That I should be a 'me' at the end, it sounds funny I know but its a grammatical rule.

Theres also a place a bit farther down where you say pacific when you mean specific.

Admittedly the prologue didn't do much for me. It made Mr a bit wary actually. But the opening to your first chapter fixed that. It was captivating and intriguing. I wanted to know how they got where they were, ect. That's where your real pull is, the beginning of your first chapter, not the prologue. That's where you catch your readers' attention.

This was well written aside from a few minor mistakes. I really enjoyed what I read. I wish you the best of luck with it!

The thing I'm going to start out with is the "block" of text. I highly suggest breaking your paragraphs up with double spacing for it's easier to read. As for the layout, it's very easy to read, which is good. There isn't anything distracting so it makes it very easy to focus on the content of the story instead of wandering off.

As for the content! I love the storyline of this. It's really great. It's very captivating and highly fascinating. The summary is so, so attention grabbing. The moment I read it, I wanted to read the story and know more. You have a unique story, and I adore it.
Upon reading the first chapter, I found that you were fantastic with details and sentence structures. They all flowed consistently and there really wasn't a sentence I came across that sounded awkward and off-beat.

Into the writing, however, you have a few problems. You had a few grammatical errors that could be fixed very quickly. You also tag your dialogue improperly. To help you, I suggest you read this article or this forum thread. Both are equally helpful.

Other than these few mistakes, you have a great story in the works. Great job and good luck. (:

(Comment Swap) first off, the layout makes it hard to read the edges of the text.
Otherwise, it sounds promising.
(Chapter 2)
It's a facvinating tale, spun with the words of every day, into a story that trancend the here and now.
Fairly simple vocabulary, in a story, fortelling what's to come, in such a captivating way.
Should I have found anything to pick at, or a reason to complain?
Maybe there's a scent of someone, but who is she? Since she seems to have lost her very self?
Maybe that's what's captivating?
Who'm I to say?
Guess I'll leave it at that. I did enjoy reading this, depite the layout.

Maybe the layout lend a spirit and mood to it, but it's also a hindrence, to the reader, in this case, me.

I hope you get more comments.

Just like I hope there's much more to this story.

Make room for all swappers and readers?