They Called it a Break - Comments

I hate Will. So much.
Ima guess Ricky is the 'woman' in this relationship. They're cute (: Which one is he anyway? You didn't specify jerk!

Sophia is adorable, and hopefully Will has a change of heart and decides not to fuck shit up, but hey, it's Will.

[Correction] This isn't the first thing I've read written by you. I meant to say this is the first story that I've read written only by yourself ... if that makes any sense. Co-writes and solo stories have their differences :)

WOW. And after all the comments bellow I don't really have much to say, but I want to comment so I think I'll start with the things I liked...? I liked nothing, only because I absolutely LOVED everything.

The prologue? I was not expecting that, as I'm sure no one was. I've read some stories starting with a letter or ending with one, but it is usually related with their loved ones, not coming from a therapist. It is laudable how you actually know what you're writing about, instead of sticking with basic, sometimes non trust-able knowledge like others do. Also, I agree with the 'using a non-usual mental illness' thing. This is the first story I've read where the main character suffers from DID, that's certainly one of the things that made want to read this.

Your writing style is very, very mature. Everything is absolutely stunning and wonderful. I can feel every word you write sinking in my brain and it is indeed beautiful. This is the first thing I've ever read written by you and I already feel the need to read more of your stuff just because how marvelous this is.

I loved the characterization of both Alex and Chase, the way they are completely different and singular individuals. Of course, Alex is sometimes conquered by Will, but I must praise you for keeping Alex still as his person and not completely overshadowed by that peculiar character he once created. Both backgrounds are really well articulated and you've managed to make them trust-able and easy to replay in your readers' minds.

Also, I absolutely love how your chapters seem to flow so naturally and are completely NOT boring at all. :)

Subscribed and recommended! I'll be waiting for more ^-^

I like how it stated and ended in the same sentence! I like Chase. He's cute. Don't like the drinking problem though.

i like this story already, it's certainly not boring at all, and you've written it really well, it's easy to over do things like mental disorders and make them seem like there's no rational human side to it but the way you write it makes it believable, if that makes sense, but yeah, it's fab and i cant wait for more! x

When I saw this was slash I was very happy because this is definitely right up my alley, aha. :3

I'll admit, though, the lack of any summary was a little bit of a turn-off, even just a sentence or two actually pertaining to the story to me would entice me a little more than a very vague quote! I really like the way you set up the first chapter as a prognosis though, I've never seen that before but I think it's a very clever and effective way of opening up the story with getting the information out there but not in a boring or bland way! That was really cool!

I like that there's a reason, too, behind his disorder and as a reader I can tell you've done your research and know what you're talking about. The worst is when someone deals with a mental disorder and get it all wrong, so this was refreshing. The struggle between Will and Alex really breaks my heart because of how detrimental Will is and how he's constantly putting him down. I like how you contrast the two personalities so much that I can definitely tell even without the italics when it's Will in the back of his head. Especially with his home life and how unstable it is, I can see how easy it is for Will to consume him.

The ending was really shocking but in a really good way, nothing that I expected and I could truly feel the fear that you described. You did a really great job panting a really vivid picture in my mind of the blood and the bruises, and the cliffhanger at the end was great. You've really some some amazing talent as a writer! c:

this is really nice. like the comment below, i also love that you're using a mental illness that isn't totally overdone.

i like that you are taking this slowly as a slash, from what i've read so far. you're building the character (and his many layers, and other personality) up and it will really be great to see how you carry on with this.

i seriously am loving it. <3

I like you've given your MC a disorder that isn't cliched or overplayed. I imagine its going to add a bit of spice and keep things interesting. You've gotten into his head really well, his voice is very distinct, but very fragile given his condition and the battle to maintain control against Will. Well played.

I love the background, and just the overall idea of your story. I can't wait to see what happens to Alex, and I really find myself praying he doesn't get stuck at that house... It seems awful, but the chapter allowed you a very good intro to your MC. This was very good, best of luck with it as you continue to write!

Will this be his home now? I hope so.
I liked it. Bit bored in parts but you know how I am with narrative stuff! Haha. Although I did like it. Reminds me of Criminal Minds though and I'm afraid Alex will kill someone...
I can't wait until his love-interest comes into play and loves him even with Will (:

Sweet idea! I've never read a story like this one. I plan on reading the reast of Chapter One (but I sadly need to stop now) so i loved it :) You made it very easy to tell who was saying what Will or... the main character. lol forgot his name. So great job :)

Again, I LOVE THIS!
Oh my god, it's so good. The plot just hasn't been done before(as far as I know), and I just really love this. Reminds me a bit of the book "A Child Called It" because both the main character in the book and the one in this story are trying to find homes.

Most stories might have a character that was adopted, but none have really touched into the before, the whole process of finding that home, so kudos to you.

I can't wait for the next update and I know this is going to become my favorite story already <3

OMG!!! Your character -ALEX reminds me of my character CARMEN!!! I cant wait to read the rest!!! *subscribes*

Wow! So far so GREAT! (not good :P) Everything about this prologue is so professional and sophisticated. I won't lie, but I really adore your writing style.It seems so top-notch and everything *_* I love the idea of this story and I think that it has some great potential! I really hope that you update soon though. Please don't keep us readers, waiting too long, okay? :3

Alrighty, I am interested:) I haven't read anything like this before, and I'm curious to see how you'll write about his condition. I like how the letter sounded, it seemed like it was real and very professional. I can't wait to read more on this:)

I think that this could be a really good story. I really liked the professional tone in the letter. I myself have MPD I'm told. However I'm not sure I believe my shrink. I think you could really do something great with this idea. It's very orinigal I really can't wait to see which direction you take this in so I'm subscribing

1. I like the fact that you use the term DID instead of MPD, since that's the accurate term now and not many people know that. I also like that you explain what it is.

2. In DID, however, the host doesn't tend to be aware of the other identities, so you may want to change that. When you say "He is manipulative of Mr. Matson" I feel like you're either trying to say that the two identities appear at the same time or Will tries to mess with Alex's mind, which wouldn't be possible.

3. "In my professional opinion, Mr. Matson needs to be placed in a home with a stable environment that would be willing to adopt him." I feel like this would make more sense if you left out "that would be willing to adopt him," just because it feels redundant to me.

4. I love stories about mental illnesses. I'm not entirely sure where you're going with this, but I definitely feel like this story has potential. Your prologue really draws the reader in and leaves you a lot of choices for where you want to take the story, and I like that.

Good job, and keep writing!

Okay, so first off, I really like the quote you used for the summary! Very simple and pretty and made me want to read on, so points for that. I also love the title. Very interesting and I love titles that are a little bit on the longer side.

I really enjoyed the way you went about beginning this story—the definition of DID (since a lot of people don’t know what that is!) and then having the rest of the chapter written as a letter from Alex’s doctor. I thought the way it was written seemed quite realistic, like I could picture a doctor actually saying/writing these things. You got the tone of a psychologist pretty much spot-on.

Another reason I love the way you went about writing the first chapter/prologue is that, because it was written as a letter from Alex’s doctor, you were able to create a detailed and captivating introduction to Alex and his psychological problems, touch on his past a little bit, and also hint at what his future holds for him. You provided ample backstory and context without it turning in to one big page of boring exposition.

It also seems like you’ve actually done your research on DID, which is wonderful because so many people write stories about mental disorders because they think it’s “cool” and they end up portraying a very serious topic totally inaccurately. So I appreciate you taking the time to learn about your subject matter and I’m excited for the next chapter so I can actually get in to Alex’s head and experience the story through his disordered mind!

Spelling and grammar were perfect, although I did notice one mistake that was very distracting, which was this sentence:

”Mr. Matson will need long-term psychotherapy, which will also need Mr. Matson to have a stable home life.”

It’s the first sentence of the last long paragraph. It doesn’t make sense to me and it seems like maybe you were just typing really fast and your fingers were working a little bit faster than your brain, y’know? xD
But other than that, there were no mistakes in spelling/grammar/punctuation that I could find.

Even though you have only a prologue so far, I found this extremely interesting and I cannot wait to see where you take this story. Normally I don’t subscribe to the stories that I review for the Comment Swap, but I will definitely be subscribing to this. :)

Overall, excellent!

I'm here for the comment swap. This story seems really good so far, and I find it quite interesting. It seems that you've actually researched a bit about the mental condition. That's really, really good, because I'm so sick of seeing stories where a person has all these conditions, but no symptoms or anything of them. For example, where someone has a strong anxiety, but is only slightly shy when it comes to meeting someone, and is fine every other time.

The story looks like it was be nice to read, so I'm subscribing to see how this goes. I like your writing style so far, and wasn't able to pick up on any mistakes, so great job there. Everything seems to flow very nicely, which is always a bonus. Excellent work.

I LOVE THIS!