The Uniter of Aram - Comments

The concept of the story is very interesting. I really like your writing style however I noticed how in some instances where the development is amazing but then it dissolves into a quick hashing out so that you can get to the next part quicker. Overall, you just need to work on building up suspense a bit. it's a very good story! I hope you come back to it soon~

I loved the beginning where she was training, but then you dissolved into tons and tons of exposition. From active to passive, then back to active for a split second at the end. I see that people haven't commented on this story for three years, and that you haven't updated in years, so I'll just say that you should try to work on taking all the facts and bring them out int he rest of the narrative. In the active sections. Have your characters discuss it, or throw bots and pieces in as you go along. Fiction readers want story, not a history book. But it is interesting.

You are a really good writer, and magnificent at doing your layout and whole formatting of your story. I couldn't help but feeling like I was reading a different book. And I'm just now realizing that since I excluded Fanfics from my choice on comment swap there a lot of syfy, mystic stories out there. I didn't ever really enjoy watching the shows but it is cool to read about.

This is really good! I think you've made a really good start. Your characters are believeable, which is often lacking in most stories, though it seems like a simple aspect. There is a lot of information in the first chapter, so I suggest spreading it out a bit, giving hints throughout the story. Well done other wise though :D

Comment Swap.

First of all, I am not a huge fan of fantasy. A main reason for my dislike is because of the cultural differences between the fantasy land and real life. It is a lot to take in and remember, especially if the fantasy land has hardly any similarities to real life.

And for your first chapter, I find that there is a lot of information packed in to that one chapter about the history of Aram, your fantasy land. Too much, I dare say. Personally, I like it when the history of a fantasy land is spread out over the course of a novel. That way, not all the secrets about the fantasy land is shared all at once. And readers can gradually take in the information and remember it.

Instead of focusing on the history of Aram in your first chapter, you could perhaps just focus on what is happening at the very moment - Reyna duelling with Caden - and insert little pieces of information about the history of Aram where it feels relevant. Then stop there. Some times the history drags on and on and on until most of it has no relevance to what it was first explaining about.

Any way, on to the grammatical side, I noticed some parts where sentences were a bit awkward as from lack of commas or hyphens, and other various little mistakes. Also, where there is speech, make sure to start it on a new line. I am sure you will get the errors when you read over and edit. Good luck with writing.

So I got here from the comment swap, and I'm really glad I got it. It's really interesting, and I haven't read something like this in a while, especially on mibba lately. I don't often like fantasy unless it's done right - and you did this really really well. I loved Reyna's character, and the story itself is really good. Keep up the good work :D

I really like the idea of this. Normally I can't find anything worth reading on here anymore. That or I'm picky. But I think Reyna's character and story are very cool.

Fantasy stories are hard to write, I think. But if you have the right way to do it, and think it out, it works. You're doing a really good job so far.

Keep it up :)

OMG!! I am so glad comment swap got me here. I love these type of stories and I love when chicks kick ass!! I love Reyna's character very much, she's so strog willed. I also love the layout, it just adds so much to the story :D also, I love the descriptions you give, they are very vivid and also the way you narrate to the reader the whole issue between the two areas is great. It's not to much nor is it to the point that it is boring. All in all, I love this so much and I am subbing :D keep up the awesome work!!

So I was brought here by comment swap, and I can honestly say this is one of the few stories I've gotten that instantly hooked me. I love the plot and the direction this is going, and I absolutely can't wait to find out more about Reyna and her job or position as the uniter and the war between the two areas. You describe things really well and I love the characters personalities. I can't wait to read more!

Commesnt swap.

Layout/Summary- The layout is very simple and undistracting. I also adore the banner. I was imeadiately identify that this could be a fantasy story witha strong heroine. The summary was also very good as to introducing me to this country's plight.

Chapter One: Wow, this actually terrific. I actually am the author of a story with a similar type situation- North America falls and a new land filled with magic raises. It is completely interesting to see how our two worlds contrasted. I like this so far. Your character Reyna, so far, seems to be down to earth despite being royal. I also like your description of Caden. He seems very interesting.

I honestly have no criticism and I thinK I shall subscribe to this and come back and finish reading soon <3 Great job!

~Comment swap

So I only read the first chapter, but you've got an interesting plot here. I've wound up reading a lot of fantasy type stories and they all have really interesting plots. I like how you created a world in the future that's like the Dark Ages, it make you wonder what the future is actually going to be like.

Anyways, I really liked your layout, I feel like it went well with the story and your summary was really good as well. Your characters seem really dynamic and I really like their names too. Reyna is such a pretty name.

You have the perfect balance of dialogue and description in the story, which is hard to achieve, and you've made a fantasy story that is genuinely interesting and unique. Well done!

PS: i forgot to tell you how i love your character names. i love the names reyna! never heard of it, which makes this story even more unique. lovely. i love your storyline and your story is really in pace. not too fast and not too slow. brilliant. your idea is very original, and i cannot wait to read more.

~brought here by comment swap~

your layout is lovely and fits the story very nicely! love it. equally amazing and capturing is your summary. i don't usually read fantasy, but your story is really really brilliant. i can't stress how much. from your characters to you detail to your description to your dialogue and emotion. everything is simply amazing. you have lovely writing style!
keep writing!

Sent here via comment swap :)

First thing that struck me was the layout. I think it's gorgeous, and the colours are lovely!

I wouldn't usually read something like this, but I must admit, I'm hooked! Like everyone else, I thought I'd read through chapter one, maybe half of chapter two, but I've read everything, which means you've done a good job!

The only grammatical error I could see was the one that Lion already pointed out. It was the only thing that particularly struck me in the first chapter as being slightly out-of-place. However, you more than made up for that in writing style and description. The first line in particular caught my attention, it was a really interesting way to start the whole thing off! Reyna is a very interesting character, and I love the fact that she, rather than a man, which would be the norm, is the one that holds the fate of the people. I also quite like the idea of English (or I'm assuming it's in English) being a lost language, almost like Latin. And I so desperately want to know what the missing pieces of the prophecy say!

The idea is fab, the characters are really well thought-out, and you've got a lovely writing style. Ill be subscribing to this, keep up the good work! :)

Huh. As pretty much everyone else is saying, I didn't at all think that I'd read through this entire thing. I think what helped was that chapters are fairly short, but it works for this story. You've managed to keep it concise and fast-paced, but without a sense of scarcity in the material and information. That's an excellent quality -- I mean, I could never do that, haha. I can't keep myself from info-dumping.

This reminded a bit of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Clearly, it's incredibly different, but the concept is... well, incredibly similar. I like that it has that same sort of flavor, but at the same time, it's nowhere near unoriginal.

There are a few scattered grammatical errors that I have to mention, such as, "I raised an eyebrow, he was right." A period or a semicolon belongs in between those two statements, though I think a period would work best, considering their isn't quite a topical relationship strong enough for only a semicolon. But, there are a few other similar cases, so I'd suggest combing through to tweak some things.

Otherwise, the only thing bothering me about the material itself is the scene in third chapter where Reyna is blindfolded, and Caden is teasing her. The whole, "Don't make me kiss you," part, in comparison to the rest of the story, is far too blunt. I can understand if the character himself is just a straightforward person, like that. But, all the same, it could be toned down and rounded out to make it a bit more smooth and subtle.

All of that being said, this was a great read. And, trust me, I don't say that often. I'm a critical jackass, though I keep all that in my head.

But still. xD

This story has a lot of potential, and you're handling it brilliantly.

I like this and I didn't expect to. It's something new and I'm very glad that comment swap brought me here :) the detail is phenomenal and like I said it's a first for me since I've never had this kind of story read before. I enjoyed it and you should definitely keep going.

this is really nice. i didn't think it was going to be up to much, but as soon as i started reading it i was captured. the whole future/dystopian story type is very big right now (thanks to the hunger games), but you do it well.

the world building is done gradually, and very well. you're mixing the right amount of plot/character development with the right amount of back story, and it reads wonderfully. this is a great story!

<3

At first i wasn't sure if it was going to hold my attention but after i began reading it not only did it hold my attention but it freak'n grabbed me and would NOT let go. I am so subscribing and reccomending this! I can't wait for the next chapter! Please please do not keep me waiting long lol

holy crap. You've definitely found yourself a new subscriber. The writing was sooo good, and I usually don't read fantasy that much, but for some reason I clicked on your story and I'm glad I did, because I really like it! I can't wait til the next chapter!

what a great first chapter! i dont usually read fantasy, definitely far off from anything i'm generally interested in, but i'm enjoying this. (i'm from the comment swap thing). the aging process, and essentially everything about this story is original! it's so rare to find that kind of aspect in any stories. the layout is great, the title is great and intriguing, what a good job.