Trying Heal A Broken Heart - Comments

Comment Swap

Okay first I read the comment before and it says that this is a true story and I read the info about this story and it says that it is original fiction, so I guess I'm a little lost on whether or not this is a true story or original fiction that is a play off of your actual life. I mean it's not a big deal just my curiosity getting the better of me.

I like the story so far, it's interesting and the emotions are really strong in here, but I do agree that there needs to be more description in here I wanna be able to somewhat picture all of this in my head and when you don't have enough description in a story they readers might be picturing something different in their heads than you want them to be picturing if that makes sense.

I think the flow and everything works, I'm usually a really big grammar Nazi and reading your story I really didn't find any grammar, punctuation or spelling errors so awesome job on that! :)

Other then that I think you have the beginnings of a really good story here so keep on writing! :)

Commenting from Comment Swap.

Okay so the first chapter scared me. Since it's a true story it scares me more. Finding your best friend in a room like that would be pretty terrifying and it's really bad that you had to see him like that.

I would suggest spacing out the paragraphs. It makes it easier to read instead of just one huge chunk of text that makes it hard to read. Plus you need more then just dialogue to make it a good read.

I don't like how there's not enough descriptions. I know it's a true story, and the events may be fuzzy or something but still descriptions will make it a much more better read. You get the vibe that they're in a diner or something in the second chapter. But is it some crappy diner in the ghetto? Or some high class place in Beverly hills? Descriptions will make all that come to light.

Other then that it's a pretty interesting story and I like how much you care about Beau. The emotions are what make the story, well the story. So keep up with that, correct the few mistakes, and you'll be on your way to a great story!