Martyr's Run - Comments

OH MY GOD IF I COULD DRAW I WOULD MAKE ALL THE FAN ART FOR THIS STORY. FOR REAL. But your pictures are so pretty I don't know, if I could draw, that I could even do half as well.
On a different note, it was so nice to get back to internet access and find two updates! Man, I just love the way the Dreamers are together and oh my god history. I know it's actually the future, but it's their history and I just adore all the details - the fact that Sophia was in a WW3 bunker and that Vegas had shut down and it's all so intricate and well thought out and beautiful.

The Dreamer bases always have such a higgledy-piggledy yet put together and business-like feel to them to me. I just adore the whole underground thing of the Dreamers and I think the way you had them discussing things seemed to flow really well and naturally.

Watch out, we got a badass over here! Seriously, though, this chapter kind of broke my heart. And when I say kind of, I mean completely and utterly shattered it and then threw those shards into volcanoes and scattered the ashes out to sea because poor, poor Simeon. I cannot even begin to comprehend how- sweet Jesus- I just- aidiahgdkashdPAHSdp. THE FEELS. I'm sorry, I know I said I'd work on coherency - had a relapse there. And yes, Simeon, go to Europe and go now and bring the others by force if necessary and be safe and ugh. Aside from all that, the use of metaphors and such was simply excellent ('fire-tinged glares'? I drooled, it was such a delicious use of language devices.) and your knowledge of California in the last chapter was awesome.

Oh my Lord. Getting to read the frankly stunning group dynamic in this is such an indulgence! It is just so good; I feel like I've swallowed a tub of Ben and Jerry's whole. And the narrative flows so smoothly throughout, with just the right amount of description and explanation. Don't get me started on my odd, growing admiration of Jake or I'll be here all day.

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD CHARACTER INTERACTION. And I absolutely adored Jake's awkward sort-of-not-really hesitancy to stop Simeon's leadership-yness. I love, love, love that the Maze was nicknamed Martyr's Run. It is so clever and the idea itself is so intricate and wonderful; the explanation of the Maze was superb. And Simeon still wanting to go to Europe and I want them to because it seems marginally safer and oh god.

OH, I've always wondered what the MAze was. Cant wait to find out...

New characters! I love new characters. I also thought that having Rina in initial hysterics and things being somewhat awkward/tense and everyone besides Tim being still somewhat zombie-like really added the the realistic-ness of the situation. I do wonder what's going to happen next, though, as I really can't guess. (Working on the coherency of comments, by the way)

Jesus Christ, I need a moment to breathe here. Holy Mother of God. Okay. Brace yourself for the onslaught of incorrect capitalisation and run-on sentences. Hem hem.
oh my god when they were taking Simeon outside I could feel my heart pounding and I was just thinking seriously no nothing can happen to him, not yet and then he was outside and it was so sad and sweet because he hadn't been outside in forever and it's like torrential rain where I am at the moment so it was all the more effective and your use of sentence structures was just brilliant and holy hell when there was that announcement at the end about the Demobilising Operation my heart just sunk and then it was so unbelievably epic when all the Dreamers were fighting and your description was delightful despite the un-delightfulness of the topic and then Tim was being brave and explosions and alsiudhalisgdouISAGd. I'm going to go now. Sorry.

Wow. That was just seriously tense, but now I am just so excited for the rest of the story! I cant wait! :D

Wow, wherever that video was filmed really does look an awful lot like the Institution. Slightly uncanny yet delightful.
As for the chapter itself, I thought how Tim acted somewhat like a scared child, I suppose, was... yet again, I can't pin point why that part is prominent in my mind as important but it is and how he was trying to think of ways to make Simeon remember and he says 'Sim' and 'it was like a sharp stab inside when he described them as being terrorists.' and oh god I can't. askdhashkda.
I'm sorry. Back to being a coherent human being. I guess this is really, really bad news that Lomax is new President/Dictator. Well, I say guess but... more like know. I really do worry what will happen next for these guys.

I thought the line 'The searchlights that were the guards’ eyes swerved away from me....' was a really good use of language devices and made me think of old prison-scenes in cartoons like Scooby-Doo. Also, how the fact that for us looking at/reading about Tim was like looking at the Simeon was actually noticed by Simeon himself was a really nice touch.
And when Simeon says he probably won't even recognise Tim after his appointment and then Tim's suddenly not quite as tough since it says 'His face fell.' and so on - I can't pinpoint why I loved that part but it stood out.

I have a gut feeling that this is going to be the most interesting Dreamers book yet. Already I've been appalled at the Institution, disturbed by the doctors and inspired by Simeon and it's only eight chapters in.

Simeon is a difficult one for me to place. He's an obvious fighter but I feel there's more to him than just swearing and rebellion. I'm excited to see how he'll turn out and whether he's a stealthy intellectual one or an anarchic leader. I think some insight into
his background before the drugs have an overwhelming effect on his memories would be helpful.

Wow those few chapters on Testing were intense! I didn't know whether to cry, scream or throw up after reading them. (And I mean that as a form of praise!) Those doctors are so sick that I'm finally beginning to feel the bubbling anger and stomach churning fear that the Dreamers must feel about the Institutions. And on that note I shall once again commend your skills! Only a select few writers on Mibba have ever made me feel true emotion.

TIM'S POINT OF VIEW. HELL YES.
First of all, I wanted to applaud you on your excellent reporter style dialogue. It's pretty hard to pull off, getting the right degree of formality and such, and many people don't quite manage. AND GAH I find politics very interesting in stories - especially in ones different to real life - so all the stuffs like who would be the successor was really cool.
Also, as I said in an earlier comment, you had me flailing at the subtle yet tangible difference in the narrative from Simeon to Tim. Speaking of Simeon, it did worry me where he was...

So many feels already. So, so many. First of all, I thought your description in this chapter of what was going on while Simeon was being tested on was excellent: not too deep to get Jean M. Auel style boring, but not too brief to get Suzanne Collins style confusing. And your introducing of Tim - the dialogue and the way Simeon was thinking both - was simply flawless. The way it ended by kind of highlighting the monotony of being at the Institution. I look forward to seeing where things go from here.

Shivers down my spine. Eurgh, that was really creepy. In a good way, of course, but... I'm in a kind of haze of How can people be so cruel oh god even though this is fictional I don't care argh and SIMEON NOOOOO.
Also, I just loved the way that in the 'My breathing came.....as he leant over me.' part, it's subtly disjointed in accordance with his fear and there's that kind of reported speech, although it's not actually reported. It's really effective and I simply adored the phrase, '...all the apocalyptic calamity in my mind...' Apocalyptic calamity. Jesus. The effect of those two words stuck together in the context of someone's thoughts/emotions is really... really something.

Oh my God. Oh my God. This chapter was just so perfect, it really was. The way that... I don't know, it felt like I could actually see what Simeon could see and feel how he was feeling and kind of sense the atmospheres. That is a really crap explanation but I hope the general gist got across to you. And the part about animal testing and that last line- Jesus, that put goosebumps on my arms. sadkhasdlasdoh this was just really wonderful, okay?

What have you done to me? I'm already cooing and fist-pumping over Simeon because he's, as usual, so 3+dimensional. And pretty badass because, hey, he got a small rebellion going on for a couple of minutes there. I thought that the narrative after Simeon had woken up from the injections and was recalibrating his brain was really... I don't know, kind of like potent I suppose. Likewise in the previous chapter when the doctor's all like 'You're a Dreamer, Simeon. You don't count as human', I just had to pause and take a deep breath and absorb before I could carry on. That makes no sense but you know. It really packed a punch, I mean.
On an absolutely unrelated note: '...it now hung lank and dishevelled, somewhere in between straight and curly.' <--- my hair every single day

Sweet Jesus, this is even better than I was expecting it to be. As Cupcake Violence said, actually getting to see what it's like in the Institution that we've heard so much about. I also like how, because it's now from Simeon's point of view and not say Arjan or Amy's, that the style in which it's written/said has changed too. That's quite a skill!
And as for it being 'just a lot of description', I'll think you'll find that actually it's just a lot of stunning description which frequently sends chills down my spine and paints a perfect picture in my head. So there.

I love this! :) in the Chasing Imagination we heard mention of the Institution, in Hurricane Heart we were told stories of her time spent in one and now we actually get to be inside Simeons head while he suffers in the Institution, its an amazing idea I love it :) I'm excited really really really excited :D can't wait for more :)

I had a playlist playing in the background and just as the story page was loading I remembered to put my headphones back on and I heard a man singing: "I used to be a dreamer, now I'll never sleep again. Just an empty unbeliever, is this the way it has to end? The way it always was is the way it's always been. So meet me in my dreams or I'll never sleep again."
Okay, on about the story. Even the summary got me hooked. This one seems a lot different than the others and not in a bad way.
A wild question: do Americans say "loo"? It just sounds so British to me but then again who am I to question these things, I'm no expert :D
Anyway, you're doing a great job:)