Who is Who - By Eponey - Comments

Keep writing, but I don't think I will continue reading.

It seems to me that the story hasn't really developed since the last time. I agree with most the other people that these are character sheets and should be places with their story. I, again, wish this was more of a story for the idea is very interesting. I'm confused about where Eponey lives and if it's in the human world, how does she hide her legs? I also noticed some grammatical errors. For instance, in the summary you used 'red' versus tue actual verb 'read.' just watch out for your grammar. Maybe I should try another story by you to understand your writing style, right now it just confuses me.

I'm assuming that all of these characters are for a different story. My suggestion would be to put the descriptions of the characters in the actually story and not post a "story" that just describes the characters, it's both confusing and frustrating for everyone involved. Plus, there is already a character feature embedded in Mibba so you can tell us how many kilograms your characters weigh there instead.

Comment swap.

Okay so reading the summary, I was very confused about what this story was all about. Obviously it is a fantasy thing based on wizards and centaur you mention, this doesn't seem much like a story, but maybe I'm wrong only reading the first chapter will tell me.

Okay so the first chapter isn't even a story, but a character profile. These are all apparently character profiles, so there isn't really much for me to comment on.

-As promised-
It would help a lot of you more clearly explained what an Adept is because you kind of lost me there. As I read this it feels like I'm missing something, am I ?
You have some grammatical mistakes, but nothing that the reader can't make out what you're trying to say. They're simple mistakes that can be fixed with spell check.
I agree with the comment below as to how someone would miss that she's a centaur. Is she hiding her other half in a wheelchair or something?
I think this has potential! just work on making things more thoroughly explained, and you'll be fine (:
I didn't know that a centaurs hooves were colored, that's a pretty cool thing to learn. I've never heard of that before and I used to read a lot of Mythology.

I agree with the last comment as far as the listing of characteristics goes. In the summary you said she's a centaur but most people might not have noticed...I'm not really sure how you could miss the fact that someone's a centaur; maybe if you gave more of an explanation as to how that's possible your story would be more believable. Also there isn't much context/background (like what exactly is Ki Kokoro; a different planet? A magical land?) so I'm just really really confused. I feel like you're assuming your readers know a LOT of information that you haven't explained.

I don't understand this at all but I wish the story had started like a really story. I wish you has described your character versus listing off the qualities. Some of the typing is switching letters, watch that. I hope this continues and you keep writing. I wish I had been sent here when the story was more developed. Keep writing <3