"I'd say this isn't an episode of Goosebumps, you little fuck." goddamn it i love this story and i love how well written your characters are and basically all i can say is that this is pure genius (and also i'm a little sad i cant call it chest death anymore)
the title drew me hear and at first i didn't want to read it but your writing style is just the best - from anything i've ever read on here. i don't care if you don't know what you're doing, it's simply awesome shit so you better keep writing this story x]
The blood trickling between her teeth reminds me of Christmas. That line was really weird. Lol.
About ten paragraphs in you said: Reggie pulls out is comb and says, “You know I’ll always clear up my dick schedule for you.”... I think you mean to say his comb.
When he stops James you said: He blinks and takes a step back, and his eyes tell a little bit dazed. I don't think "tell" is the right word for that. Then again, that's just me xD
So this chapter is weird XD But I like the story, it's really good ^-^
The title of this story makes it sound really interesting. The summary does too, because it's so simple but tells so much. BUT THE LAYOUT IS BRIGHT. It's not too bad, I think it's just the links to the chapters that does me in. LASKJSDLKFJDLK.
Anyway, I kept pronouncing Reggie like reggae. How stupid am I? LMFAO.
Chapter One
This story really starts off strong, I'll tell you that. I like the characters and everything so far ^-^
When you start talking about Beatrice a few paragraphs in, you said: And she’s saying, “It wasn’t him time to go, y’know.” I think you meant to say it wasn't HIS time to go.
I love all the names you use in this ^-^
I murder my cigarette against the asphalt. I really loved that line.
Anyway I'm subscribing and recommending this story because it's awesome ^0^
This was amazing. I have only read the short-story Guts by Chuck Palahniuk, but I can definitely feel his influence on this piece. I really loved the narrative, and just the style all together. It was quite different from anything I've ever read on this site, in a great way.
Everything came together so nicely and I'm speechless otherwise. Wonderful job! c:
Wow, holy crap. You are incredibly talented. You've given the narrator such a distinctive voice. The imagery you use, the vulgar words, it's all perfect. So amazing.
I can tell you've been reading Palahniuk, and it brought out something awesome in your own writing.
The narrator you use in this story is what makes it awesome. Sure, the plot is interesting, but the way you had this jaded, vulgar guy explaining everything is so engaging for me as a reader. "just because she watches Law and Order that she’s not a fucking detective" I love that; the way you use his internal monologue to let us in on his personality is great.
"You could be worm buffet"
Should that be "a worm buffet? I guess it works either way, but with the "a" in there, you have this cool rhyming rhythm thing going on with buffet/gourmet.
holy shit, this is great. i love galen and his character and the way you write him out, there's so much personality and i don't know how to explain it without sounding like a fuckin idiot but it's really good. this story idea is interesting and intriguing and the way you describe things is amazing. i can't wait for the next chapter because i feel like this is definitely already one of my favourite stories on here
The dialogue and the style is wonderful and I adore it and I can't stop laughing and it's just beautiful and awesome and like ~~weird~~ but um. you should consider updating soon because i'm recommending and subbing and idk bro I mean it'd be pretty cool if you did. soon. c: