Tremble - Comments

Comment Swap.
I love the way you write! It flows so smoothly! This is a good story! Such a good original idea! The only thing that distracted me was the layout. Layouts are the first thing that catch my eye, maybe a different font color? But that's just me! Otherwise great job :)

I am absolutely in love with this so far. You have flawless and ingratiating diction, the flow of your words only subdue me more. The layout definitely helps amplify what picture you are trying to paint. It's dark and beautiful. I definitely have not seen one quite like this before. The prologue was enticing and I clung to every syllable like it was the last word I were to say. You have a very creative idea here and I think this story is going to go so far. I am very excited to continue reading past chapter two and finish what you've posted.

I believe prologues are supposed to be intriguing, not obvious. Your prologue was very well written, but too obvious. And both the characters were perfectly believable. That’s a good thing. But they, too, were too obvious.
I liked that you pay attention to detail.. But of course, sometimes I feel that it is. Like here:
“So, do you really have work today?” Kade asked as she held his hands between hers, her forehead pressing against his temple as her hazelnut eyes looked through his golden bronze ones.
I’m not sure if that much detail is needed. You’re writing about every single move they make; that’s just too much. At some point, I wondered if there’s going to be any story at all. I just kept reading about the way characters move.
One thing I liked about it is that you’ve managed to take things slow without making the thing boring. So, kudos to you. That’s something many can’t do.

This is fantastic! Your idea is so original, I haven't read anything like this on here before, so kudos for that. I didn't find any mistakes spelling or grammar wise, so that is a huge plus. Your writing is so intense, it keeps the reader hooked at all times. Your very descriptive too, which I loved. I think this is an excellent piece. Good work, love.

I love this story, it's so well written and I'm always left wanting to read/find out more about Asher and Kaden. Hope you manage to update it soon, because it's become one of my favourite stories on here. =)

Do you think you'll update anytime soon?

I’m real glad I fell upon this story!! It’s HOT! I don’t know how Kaden does it! Oh my gawd, Ash is oh my gawd! I love this so much. I love how Ash has a sad past story; it makes him so much more mysterious. I can’t wait for the real, tantalizing, UNFORGIVABLE things to come! Please update right now! I’m super subscribing! :D

Holy crap! This is really intense. I can't wait to read more. This is just awesome. Asher is, well....he's different. He's dark and just oozes desire. I'm definitely subscribing and recommending this. Update soon!!!

Dude you are really the best author on Mibba! You have original ideas, and your writing is extremely mature. I love this story as usually love all of your stories! Keep it up!

So I have to say that I absolutely love this story and it’s probably one of my favorites on Mibba. I was immediately drawn in just by reading the prologue and you have kept it since. First, I LOVE the names you’ve given to your characters. They’re unique and original and add a simple touch. Second, I love the characters you’ve created. I mean, Asher’s the kind of guy you’re supposed to hate and run ten feet away from, but, like Kaden, you can’t help but become immediately attracted to him. Thirdly, I love you’re style or writing and descriptions. They’re so…raw and just there, it totally adds to the entire theme and plotline. Needless to say, I’m in love with this story and can’t wait to read more!

I really love this so far, it's honestly probably the best written thing I've read on mibba... maybe ever. Like, I can totally see this getting published. I usually don't like prologues, but in this case it really built up suspense and made me want to read more. I wanted to know who this Asher character was, and why he scared Kaden so much (which by the way, is my nephews name so it made me smile). The first chapter was wonderful too, it was a great start for the story. I loved how you built up the relationship between her and Callum. And then the scene in class was marvelous, I laughed pretty hard at the two truths and a lie part. And then the way you ended it with the description of the drawing really made me want to read more. I can't think of anything negative to say because your writing is pretty flawless. I just love everything about this piece so far. I will definitely be reading more. (PS; Asher is super sexy xD)

I have to be honest I haven't finished it just yet, but I love the style of the story. I have to be honest the story is amazing so far. I love the details that you have put into the story. I think that I'm in love with your style of writing to be honest. Ionce I got further in the story I think that this an amazing story. The details that you put into the story makes you able to see the story. I am going to have to agree with below it is a bit perfect. But other than that there is no further con plants. This is an amazing story.

Here from Comment Swap~

Just by reading the prologue, I'm already drawn into this story. It was incredibly sexy, as was the first chapter, though it was much more subdued. You've got a gorgeous style of writing as well. The descriptions are perfectly balanced, and your word choice is intriguing. I'm only at the second chapter, but as time allows, I plan on reading all you have so far.

One suggestion I have, though it's been mentioned a thousand times before, give your characters some flaws. I completely understand the appeal to having these perfect characters.

Other than that, keep doing what you have been; it's wonderful. xx

The prologue was really intriguing. I find myself attracted to characters like Asher but upon reading the second chapter, I changed side immediately. Callum looks like someone I'd fall for any day. You should give him flaws to make him more realistic.
Your characters are very well developed. I have to agree with the comments who mentioned Kaden's Mary Sue, however that can be fixed.
The drawings are so very well described that it almost makes me want to see them in real. Or draw them myself. I lack the skills to, however. Shame.
I love Asher's respect to his aunt and her argument with his mother. That was beautiful.
When he got that childlike expression when he didn't mean to hurt Kaden was also pretty cute.

Asher's book... I want it.

Honestly I don't find much flaws to comment on. This was beautiful and I would picture this as a book in a store. However... I wouldn't buy it. This isn't my type of story. Stories focused on romance like this don't attract me. Especially when the main character is weak willed like this and smittens for the first guy that comes along.

So yes I'm from the comment swap and yes I read the entire thing. I had to!! Your story is so alluring and I wanted to keep reading and then I realized I had hit the last chapter :( You should update soon, it's been awhile.

Anyway, beautiful use of words and you do a good job of describing things so far. I think the only suggestion I have is to maybe describe the characters surroundings a little more? Instead of saying that Kaden is at her house, describe what it looks like, how many stories it is, what color is the front door. Little stuff like that will take your writing up a level.

Can't wail untill the next update :)

I've never said this about a story before. But, your story, as the many commenters before have said, is so beautifully written. It is so eloquent and I wish I found this before"comment-swap". I really enjoyed what you have written. Subscribed!

Ok this is really starting to confuse me . Chapters going missing :|

the passion paradox....love that story . anyways good chapter . i just really want Asher to be with Kaden .

This is one of the most well written stories I've received through Comment Swap, and I apologize for it taking me so long to comment on it. The truth is, as intriguing as the summary was, it was still difficult for me to be excited about, and I'm not quite sure why. Anyway, I finally read all 7 chapters, and now, I am very glad that I did. I like your characters; Asher is just plain scary. Kaden seems a little weak to me, and at this point, it seems she's playing right into Asher's hands. Callum seems to be a perfect boyfriend, and that really bugs me, because it's unrealistic...so I find myself being a "Team Asher" kind of girl, because his problems and past are realistic.

Overall, I think this is a very good story, and I love the layout. I'm subscribing and will be looking forward to seeing where this story's gonna end!

This is amazing and written so well. Right off, I would like to say that your layout is beautiful and really matches the story well. Straight away, Asher's character comes across really well. The first chapter kind of made me feel that though Kaden and Callum are in love, it's too sweet and almost boring. Asher is going to bring some excitement!He's so messed up but I love it :)