Marc the Gunslinger - Comments

  • Zorua

    Zorua (100)

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    Wow! This is great! :) It kind of hooked me when I saw your cover, because a very long time ago in grade school, I attempted to read that book, and it kind of spurred some memories in me. I haven't ever read a story like this. (I hate to say what all the other commentors are saying, but yeah, I haven't read a western story on here. xD)

    Anyway, I love the attention to detail here; I can really picture the scene. I'm kind of partial to stuff like this, but I really enjoyed the piano music, I'm a jazz musician soooo.... herp derp.

    On another note, as for making this better, there are some areas in the story where the spacing gets off a bit, I guess you could look it over and find them, it's just a simple fix. Another thing is that sometimes there are paragraphs that flow choppily, and you could rearrange the sentence structure in them to make them flow easier. In those paragraphs, I think the main problem is that the details don't always go to the topic sentence of the paragraph. For instance, in this paragraph, "Joe was a middle-aged man who had never been married. Not to say that he was unwise in the ways of women. His hair was beginning to gray, but his eyes remained ever young, with a glint that showed he was not a man to be tampered with, unless you wanted some trouble," it goes on about how Joe wasn't married, but he wasn't unwise with women, and then it goes on about what he looked like. After "Not to say that he was unwise with the ways of women" I expected more about his relationship with women, instead of going about on what he looked like. Am I making sense?

    But to fix this, you could make the first sentence: "Joe was a middle-aged man who had never been married, but not to say that he was unwise with the ways of women." And then you could go on with what he looked like, because in the whole sentence, it mentions that he was middle-aged and you could go on with his slowly graying hair etc. It just makes the direction go on easily with what you're trying to do. I hope I'm making at least some sense. xD

    Anyway, I really like the atmosphere and the mood of the story. I nearly flew into the action and beat up Mr. Purple myself, gah, I can't stand men like that. I'm so glad Marc killed him, I was about ready to punch right through my computer screen. I'm definitely going to keep up with this story. :) I await the next chapter!
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:16pm
  • LucifersAdvocateIIII

    LucifersAdvocateIIII (100)

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    Oh lordy, I haven't even started my god, you have my favorite book as your book cover, I wonder is this fan fiction? Marc the gunslinger seems a step away from Roland the gunslinger, I've got to say my story is very much inspired by the gunslinger but I've tried to change it so it's not identical but I think I might just love this. AND NOW I RECOGNIZE THE MAN IN YOUR THREAT YOU DEVIOUS BASTARD
    July 27th, 2012 at 08:07pm
  • lovesicklullabies

    lovesicklullabies (100)

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    Comment swap :)

    I havne't ever read a western story ever or even seen one on this sight. I loved the beginning scene. The imagery in your story is great.

    I don't see any problems at all. :) This story is pretty interesting. Keep up the good work!
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:41pm
  • daisyfairy

    daisyfairy (495)

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    like the comment below, i don't think i've ever read a western here either! this is really good. it's definitely unique, and right now with all the hunger games type of stories floating around, it's definitely something fresh.

    the writing is good too. it took me a little while to get into but now i find it really charming, and i love how you write their speech. i'm really impressed. <3
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:29pm
  • daisyfairy

    daisyfairy (495)

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    like the comment below, i don't think i've ever read a western here either! this is really good. it's definitely unique, and right now with all the hunger games type of stories floating around, it's definitely something fresh.

    the writing is good too. it took me a little while to get into but now i find it really charming, and i love how you write their speech. i'm really impressed. <3
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:29pm
  • the dalliance.

    the dalliance. (305)

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    I don't think I have ever read a western on this site before. It was interesting how you started out with the piano, it really drew me in. Your imagery is just perfect. Props to you.

    I don't think I really see anything that needs to be improved. This story is really interesting. I'm really intrigued to see if anything happens between Felicia and Marc. Your writing is good. Keep up the great work.
    July 22nd, 2012 at 09:55pm
  • doodlz for noodlz

    doodlz for noodlz (100)

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    I couldn't help but notice that 'two-barrel' is more properly known as 'double-barrel,' but that's mostly because it slightly cut the flow and knowing what little I do because of my friend, whose father is a gunsmith.
    Despite that, I inwardly chuckled quite a bit whilst reading your composition and I've personally grown quite fond of it.
    This is definitely something I will continue to read, and your mates Marc and Felicia will be paid rather frequent visits from me.
    You, lad, are a very talented writer and I see little need for improvement in this, and Mum is constantly encouraging me to become some skeptical editor. But this? I adore it most fervently. It's more unique than your clichéd Western or action. Eastwood and King are definitely good inspiration for this, and I understand why.
    As for your out of context, I understand perfectly. ;]
    July 20th, 2012 at 07:15am
  • mastermak911

    mastermak911 (150)

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    See, I would definitely space out my paragraphs, but when I copy my text from my Word document, what you see is how it comes out. It just annoys me and I have no idea what I am doing on this site really.
    July 19th, 2012 at 09:37am
  • Wave.to.Me

    Wave.to.Me (100)

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    First I think there is a mibba rule where you have to space out your paragraphs, I maybe wrong, but still it might make the reading a little easier.

    Two I don't usually read westerns so this was a first for me. It's a good story, and your writing is good, especially imagery. I can picture almost everything in my head.

    Three I don't remember seeing any mistakes, so that's a really big plus!

    All in all its a good story, although I'm not that attracted to it, but that's just my opinion, it's still a very good, well written story. Keep Writing!
    July 19th, 2012 at 08:46am
  • Gjhgs

    Gjhgs (110)

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    I like this story. I rarely see westerns on here. Your writing let me imagine the scene even with those little descriptions haha the only thing that I have a problem with is the layout. I used the default anyways, but just to help you out if you want more readers the layout is the thing that attracts them. If you don't know how to make them, their is pre-made ones in the story section. Haha, but I still liked this story! :)
    July 17th, 2012 at 12:20am