A Helping Hand - Comments

This story is really great. It's not the kind of story I usually read, but it was definitely interesting. I love how the characters are very realistic. Your sentence structure is a bit... awkward. But other than that I didn't see anything wrong with it. It has great potential so keep it up! :)

Dear LoveForGiraffes,

Wow this story starts out really well, the Knights of Comment Swap are excited for where this is headed! A teacher who actually cares with no other reasons behind it!

As an adult the professor actually has a grip on reality. Although the story needs some editing and varying sentence lengths, it seems realistic.
One thing the Knights think is strange is the end, the reason behind the scar seems random, also students wouldn't say that to a teacher. Accusation or not, that was really gross and unneeded information.

This might help with the other parts of your story: "This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important."

Also, try to avoid cliches.

First of all, good luck with the contest! But second, I really enjoyed this. Some of your sentences are a little awkward, but that could just be how they came off to me. Both Adam and Martin are really relatable and I think that makes for a great story! I would love to see this further developed; it’s really quite good. I definitely just subscribed and can’t wait to see the second half. I could even see it going further than a short two-part piece. It’s got mounds of potential and I’m truly excited to read the other half. Keep up the good work.

I really like this story and it definitely has fantastic potential. I love that Adam acts as an adult should: mature, and very serious about his work. It also helps that you made him compassionate towards his students, which only makes him more likeable as a character.

I do feel, however, that you don't have enough detail. I mean, I understand they are in an office or a college classroom, but I want a bit of detail on what it looks like. Like, when Martin looks away, what is he looking at? And vice versa for Adam.

The details will really make this thing pop because even though its great now, it's a bit bland without that extra color, you know?

You have great grammar and punctuation though. I have read plenty of stories that drive me up the wall because the authors obviously don't care to look over their work, but you definitely take the time to put out quality stories.

Great job!

I like the way you start this off. It's a simple description that eases into the story and it works well.

Most professors would ignore those individuals or make their lives worse by calling on them or singling them out; but not Martin. Do you mean Adam instead of Martin?

I like Adam's character. I like how his love for psychology influences his personality and I like how caring he is. Martin is interesting too, but I don't think I know enough about him to truly like him.

This is an interesting story, keep it up!

I've never read anything quite like this. I love how it seems like such an average, everyday experience on both sides, but turns out to be something beyond that. I also like the open ending. It may frustrate some readers, but I preferred it that way. Your word choice never sounded forced or overused. It was great. :)