There's No More You and I - Comments

This is great so far, her boyfriend seems like a nice guy so far. Naw, spider man. Sounds like something I'd do, movie night for one stuffing my face with food xD Her sister seems.. Alright but a little bossy. I like it do far. Well done :)

I like the theme, the band, the plot, the character, the summary and I like both James and Ben. I don't like the sister, she seems like a bitch. I have subscribed and recommended your story because I am more in love with this then I am in love with my pet Unicorn Phil :) He's amazing. I hope you continue writing this and update soon

(Comment swap!)
First of all, I love Asking Alexandria. They're amazing. I really like the detail you put into this story. Everything is disected. It's wonderful. I saw no spelling or grammar errors so awesome job! :D

So. Comment Swap. <3

First thing I feel the need to say is, and I'll be frank, I just read the entire first chapter and I still have no sense what this story is about. I have no clear definition of who the characters are.

The relationship between the sisters is confusing, they seem to not like each other very much...but at the same time one is doing the other's hair? The main character seems to be masochistic? Unless it's pain dealt by someone else?

It goes from the fact she's working on making her sister pretty, to the fact she's watching movies and eating snacks.

Then, the boyfriend gets there with her sister and the chapter is over.

I have no idea what tone I'm meant to read this in, and no idea what personality traits I'm supposed to attribute to the characters.

It doesn't suck. In fact. It's written quite well. I've stated the only problems I seem to have.

Even if your readers aren't given any clear messages, it's obvious that you know where you're going with this...or are great at faking it, if you don't.

The problem with this fact is, however, that by writing you have a sort of....duty....to take the message you have, and write it out to your readers. You ought to write what you want them to know.

You'll get my subscription, because you're a good enough writer that I want to see where you go with this. I want to watch you improve.

After reading the first chapter I have to say that this type of story isn't really my style. However, this story is so far, okay written. It's not really well written and it needs a few touch ups here and there but someone out there will adore this story! It's good to have a customized layout to match your story and I appreciate that yours has a large text. Your characters are portrayed very nicely and you write very well in first person. Best of luck with your story!