Thank You very much, I will be sure to read over and accommodate all this :)
July 31st, 2012 at 05:28pm
Got this through comment swap! So, I like the idea, but there are a few things. First, I'd suggest entering after every paragraph, it'll make it much easier to see for your readers. Also, go over wording. You'll notice in either the first or second paragraph, quite a few sentences in a row begin with "she." Maybe bring a couple sentences together with a comma, semicolon, etc, and it'll sound better. Actually, just read it out loud, it'll be easy to see what wording may seem awkward.
Also, at first I was kind of confused as to who Ahmed was. I read later and figured out he was Rabia's cousin, but for a lot of the chapter, I had no idea. It was kind of hard to figure out what was going on. Try to be descriptive; balance out the dialogue with more descriptions and imagery.
All in all, though, it's a good start. Good luck and keep up the good work!