Secret Lives of Creative Minds - Comments

The concept of this is pretty cool. I love Ryan; I haven't read a story featuring him in a while! I like the incorporation of the other bands that were popular in, what, 2006ish? It's fantastic.
I have a critique though. For one, it seems like Ryan has like no personality in this, no voice. He's just a shell. Maybe that was intentional? Feel free to tell me if it was.

Loved this, and the idea behind it. I could really picture everything in my head

This was a nice story :) I thought the idea was original and well thought out, and I like your layout. I do have some critiques...(boo hiss) An awful lot of time passes for this to be a short story, and the plot is so complex, that I think a little elaboration would have helped the over all flow. Your time jumps sort of broke up the flow, especially when the only transition was the symbols for page breaks, but it wasn't confusing, which is good. I enjoyed reading this story and I'm glad you did well in the contest for which this story was written. :) Third place, great job! :D

So very lovely, I can't even. It hurt so good.

Comment swap sent me here.

I haven't read a Panic!/Ryan fic in the longest time, so you get the pleasure of being the first one I've read since forever. Your layout, like some have said below, is simple, but it fits in perfectly with the picture, and that's all that matters. And it's a massive bonus that I can read it without having to search for my glasses/the paracetamol, so thank you for that!

This is such a unique idea, and right from the get-go, I loved your writing style. You've not left your writing littered with spelling and grammar mistakes for me to nit-pick over, and again, I am very thankful for that. It's late, and I get ratty when I find spelling mistakes or typos. However, it has been pointed out that the language does seem rather robotic at times. It does work, and you've got absolutely nothing wrong grammar-wise, but it just seems a little too unrealistic at times.

However, you have got the characterisation down to a t, and I'm really glad you did. Despite the slight mechanical tone to the dialogue and sentences sometimes, I think you've got a fabulous one-shot here, and I really enjoyed reading it. Well done! :)

Oh my god I love this. The plot is really unique for a bandfic and the characterization seems pretty good. Some of the dialogue is a bit awkward, but I love that Ryan doesn't feel too bad about being a whore and how Brendon gets with Pete too, and I dunno... I just love it!

Lovely layout, simple but matches Ryan and his rose vest. Love the picture, I have to say. Ryhawk period was the best.

The chapter title is a little offset to the left, and it looks a little untidy. Try adding some padding in to line it up with the text or center it c:

Events seem to move pretty quickly and a lot of social situations are left out. The drive with Pete and Ryan, for instance. I'd expect awkwardness, attempts at conversation and Ryan's mind to be whirling with all his nervous thoughts. I appreciate it can be difficult to write, but I feel as if you've missed over this goldmine of emotional investment there.

I found it a little robotic. The language is effective, but the way you cut things off and just the end of some sentences don't sit right. I yearn for more in between the pauses - perhaps surrounding details, more relationship links to other members of the band. I'd hope that Brent and Spencer would notice some is up, or at least feature a little more in the story.

Speech goes along with this robotic feel. Not entirely realistic and I had a hard time deciphering what cognitive functions had gone into the things being said.

I'd like to see more angst ridden Ryan, really, because this situation calls for quite a bit more emotional representation. It's understandable it ca be difficult to portray, however.

I did like this, as it hoops back together, is a gentle read and you've made no noticeable grammatical errors which is always good because finding errors ruins a story for me slightly. All in all, a good one-shot c: Keep writing <3

Layout/Summary: The layout is definitely unique and gets your attention, but it doesn't draw away from the story, which is goo. I also liked the set of lyrics/quote you used. Very nice.

Chapter One: Okay, so far so good. I'm nowhere near finished but I caught a mistake and decided to talk about what you have so far. You have a great opening paragraph and the next that follow flow from it's mother paragraph just nicely. I really love the first paragraph because people never truly know what's going on in someone else's life/group and I like that your character Ryan hadn't realized that yet.

Here's the mistake: Ryan was going to drive Pete to the band's practice space..

Okay, back to reading.

Quick thing: “It’s great to meet you finally.” I suggest either: “It’s great to finally meet you.” or even just add a comma to the original way so it doesn't seem so quick and odd on the tongue: “It’s great to meet you, finally.”

Again, back to reading.

I'm at the second section break now and I have to say that I like your writing style. It's not complicated. It's simple and easy flowing. I'm very happy Ryan got his band signed, but curious as to see where this Ryan-Pete dinner may lead... Hmm...

More reading!

Quick thing: "So you are into girls?" I suggest: "So you are into girls?" It's a better fit, in my opinion.

OOOOOH, boy kiss. I love it. :D

Okay, I've gotten a bit farther and wow. I can't believe the situation he's in. Pete paying him for sex, I'm not sure how I would feel about that... And the way Gabe just brought it up is both funny, but it has to be nervewrecking for Ryan.

Okay, line break, can pause to comment. I felt a little bad for Pete after the bathroom incident but then increasingly bad for Ryan. He shouldn't have to have being paid and being wanted nearly the same thing. You've really pulled at my emotions, it's a great quality in a writer. Oh and I'm glad Brendon got brave and acted on his feelings <3

Another mistake: but when he saw that Ryan didn't even crack a smile

Ah, a good, seemingly happy ending. I have nothing else to critque with this story. Everything we nice. I praise you, though. You had me on for the entire ride. I normally dislike fan-ficitons but you tuggest my interest and my feelings and made me relate to certain parts. So, good job and if you don't win the contest this is entered in, they're crazy!

Hey there! Comment swap brought me here :)
Well, I'm not a Fall Out Boy fan, so I can't really comment on that, but your writing is really good. No spelling or grammar mistakes, and an interesting plot.
I think your idea was really good, to be honest. All of the confusion, being with Pete, Gabe and Brendon... You did a good job :)
Keep up the good work!

I've never seen a one-shot before.. I'm from comment swap =)I don't listen to Fall Out Boy so I can't really comment on that but I liked the title and layout. i like how the layout compliment the red in the picture but anways. Your writing is really good, I like the plot and I couldn't see any spelling mistakes so thats a plus although it doesn't effect me much. Good job. =)

Okay to be perfectly honest, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. I mean, I absolutely loved the Ryden aspect of it, but maybe not so much the Gabe part being in it. Although I understand that it was part of the story line, and it did fit the story perfectly, I just don't ship Gabe/Ryan so it was a bit difficult for me to really appreciate it.
Other than the pairings, the idea was amazing, and you have really good spelling and grammar, and you can tell that the story was well thought out. The plot is amazing, and just yeah~

FIRST OF ALL I LIKE FALL OUT BOY. OMG.
Patrick and Pete mmmmmm.
Excuse me while I fangirl.
But no seriously, love this.
I like the way it's described and stuff, like I can get the real mind-set and visual of what the characters are actually feeling.
Keep up the awesome work! --Shaye.

I was sent here through comment swap and I really enjoyed reading through this, it was great and was the right length and I also liked the theme and the title was very interesting. You had good grammar and spelling, the plot was good as well. I don't normally read one-shots because some are too short and don't explain much, but, I liked yours and I hope you keep writing.

(Comment swap!)
I don't listen to Fall Out Boy so I'm just going on your writing. I personally love one-shots. They're short and sweet. Your grammar and spelling are perfection. I love the first-person perspective. I like reading Ryan's thought process. There is great detail and I love that. Wonderful job!

Okay, so first. The layout: I really like the banner? I love that picture of Ryan, & I think it fits well. here. The background initially threw me off, but I like how it sort of goes with everything.

Now, the story itself. I really liked it. I love how it started (I'm a sucker for any pre-/Fever-era fics) and how right it is. Like, your facts are correct, & that's so important. It's not an easy thing to get wrong, I guess, but still. Bonus points from me.

I sort of wish we got to know Ryan a little better. Like, I guess we did in a way with how little he shared (if that makes sense)but still, I would have liked to be in his mind a little more. I love Brendon's character though, which is a little strange to say, because I feel like we also could have known him better, but I feel like I could really relate. When you put that Brendon tried, it made me smile. I could just picture Brendon trying to do anything he could to make Ryan happen, but misinterpreting it & just not working out. Pete... I don't like him. But that's perfect, because I don't think I am suppose to like him (as a person, I mean, he's a beautiful character, & I do really, really love that.)

I like the progression of events. I like how it goes from the beginning to the release of Fever, though I would possibly have liked if it continued onto Pretty. Odd. (&if it was tied in with the split, I would be sobbing right now, in a good way) or if the events after the party (or at least the blowjob) were stretched over some more time, maybe until the end of the tour. But that's me, I'm big on time lapses. The way you did it was very, very good.

The ending was beautiful, & I could picture it so vividly. You should see the picture in my head of Ryan when he finds Brendon. It's just, ugh. I can't even articulate. It's so good. I'm glad it ends happily (or seems to? Who knows!) This is so very good. I really enjoyed reading this!