It's a Love Hate Heart Break - Comments

I don't understand how Mavin is a generic My Chemical Romance female OC. I've read a few of them, and I don't see that in Mavin. Of course there's going to be similarities if you want to get nit picky about it, because there's only so much of an extent that you can create a person's looks on.

As far as description and original plot and all of that, it's not a bad story. It's much more simple than what I'm used to reading, but there's nothing wrong with that. Every writer has their own method of how they do things and what they like to read on a personal basis. The plot isn't super original, and I've seen it done multiple times, but I do like how you put your own spin on it, with having Mavin leave Gerard's without a number or any trace of her.

I do agree about the spelling errors, but again, it's something I understand. When I'm writing fast and on the tail of a good idea, I tend to make typos and I hate rereading over my own stuff. So it's not totally a big deal.

I would suggest reformatting your layout again however, just because Mibba's changed their layout system, and the endings of the sentences get cut off by the comment box. Other than that, I would say to try and write paragraphs more than just sentences. You'd be surprised with how much more you can pack into them!

Comment swap sent me here.

Okay, so I'm not the biggest fan of your layout, but then again, I have weird eyesight, so I dislike most layouts with a semi-transparent background, just because I can't read them properly. I also noticed a slight grammar error in your summary, 'My Chemical Romance is' should be 'My Chemical Romance are'. But, it's the story that counts, so I shall continue on and have a read!

The first thing that strikes me is that you have more than a few typos/spelling errors in your story. It's probably just me, but that puts me right off reading most things. I'd maybe go over your first chapter and comb through for typos. And, it has been mentioned a few times, but you're lacking a bit in the description department. Then again, it is only the first chapter I'm reading through, so I don't know whether you've taken heed of that later on. The idea is, as has also been said, overused quite a lot, so I have read a few MCR 'fics where the same character has been described.

On the positive (because I always feel mean for writing tons in the negative), your story is quite good. You've got quite a unique writing style when I look past the typos, and I can see very little in the way of grammar mistakes. I like how you have the relationship between Gerard and Maven blossoming right from the get-go, and, despite the fact that I said above that I've read a lot of stories with the same type of character, I can't help but like Maven as a character.

I don't read MCR 'fics anymore, but you've got quite a good one going here. Just take some time to check over your chapters for typos before you submit, and add in a little more description, and you'll have a fabulous story! :)

No! Not Blah! I loved it! Maven, oh lord, that was a terrific idea to ruin Gerard's date! I love it! I love how Maven's not afraid to do whatever it takes to get what she wants, or lay down the law with how she wants things to be with Gerard. And I like how Gerard was unsure of getting in a relationship with Maven, like maybe he thought he wasn't good enough for her or something. It was sweet :)

xD He who must not be named.

lolololol
This was fucking epic.
xD
"the sanctity of marriage..." XD Bahaha

That. was. HOTT. Loved it!

"I'm gonna make you wish you called me back baby." <-Awesomest line EVER.

SEX.

Ohmygod.

YOU WROTE THIS.

Great start! I really like it! I love Maven's attitude, it's refreshing to have a strong female character instead of the whiny emo girl. So I am subscribing, and definitely do NOT give up on this! And the banner is gorgeous!

I got sent here from Comment Swap and I really enjoyed reading your FanFiction, your a good writer and I only found a few spelling mistakes, I like theplot idea wnd can't wait for the next update :) I think you captured Gerard's characteristics well, his old personality is definitely in this story and I think it's a good idea, nowadays most Gerard fanfics portray him as a perfect man with no flaws because of how he has gotten through his problems, it's great to finally find one that shows how he once was, if you get what I mean by that :)

I got sent here from Comment Swap and I really enjoyed reading your FanFiction, your a good writer and I only found a few spelling mistakes, I like theplot idea wnd can't wait for the next update :)

And now our Mave is angry ;b

I'm excited for this. :b

Loved it. XD

And you know what? I'm making you a banner ;b

There was enough detail to tie me over, but then again, I love your writing style.

And I'm really mad at Maven for leaving like that.

I also had a feeling that they'd end up going home together XD

Gah. I love Frank. "Ray's hair has its own gravitational pull!" <3

It looks a lot better. And I love the detail you've added. XD
It flows a little bit better with that little bit of detail.

And of course, I LOVE FRANKIE. XD

Aly, I didn't even see that this was yours xD
Oh my god. lololololol<3

I was so happy that this is an MCR fic, you don't even understand. XD
It's the first I've been sent to through Comment Swap.

Like the previous commenters said, the layout is a bit difficult to read and I already had a headache before I started reading so I was just like "eh."
There are errors in grammar, but what story doesn't have any?
It is a bit lacking in detail but then again, this is just the first chapter. I'm not saying that it's okay to lack so many details, especially in the first chapter, but you can always go back and add a few to capture new readers. So far, I like how cocky Maven is. And I like how unusual her name is. I'd really like to see where you take this. So update soon? :)

Alright, I guess I can start with the basics of Comment Swap.
I wasn't a fan of the layout, only because it was a bit hard to read. I don't think that the red font on such a transparent background was a good idea. Plus having the writing of the image showing through with the transparency made the actual story hard to read.
The writing itself was good, although I felt like some aspects of it was a bit generic, such as the small description of Frank. Just saying that he was short and had a scorpion tattoo on his neck is what he's most known for, but you could have added more detailing and describing words to it to make it read a bit less generic.
The overall idea is a good one, but it does seem a bit overused. I know that a lot of the Gerard stories have the same basic girl in it (Long black hair, hazel eyes, etc.)
I would say that if you're going to continue to write this, which I don't see why you wouldn't, that you try and add more details to your chapters, and a lot more describing words.

To start out with, the font is kind of confusing.
Plus, it gave me a little bit of a headache so I was kind of turned off to it at first. But then I sucked it up and started reading.
I always get MCR fan fictions when I do comment swap, but this ones kind of interesting and I like it a lot.
Looking forward to more in the future, dear.
---Shaye.