Grass Is Greener - Comments

Continue this please! I don't know what it is about this story that hooked me; maybe it's the dialogue and how it's realistic and easy to relate to? However, the font sort of hurts my eyes so it was difficult for me to read. But I fell in love with the characters! Wow! And that plot twist! All of that carried me away all the way to the end. I thought it was going to be some sweet, cheesy plot (which I was fine to begin with because the dialogue won me over), but that ending really hit home run. I really liked your story. I will recommend this one. I still have some tingles; aftershock after reading your story.

Comment swap!


I think dialogue is your strength. You write the interactions between Lucas and Melody really well; teasing, but loving. And it all flows together so well.

I really like the theme of green in this one shot. It twines through the whole piece and really connects it all, especially with the last line adding such a poignantly sad note.

Maybe if you would have had this charm back in high school... I don't think "would have" suits this sentence, so perhaps you can change it to "if you had this charm back in high school" it might make the sentence easier to digest.

Melody nodded her hair... I assume you meant head.

...crumbling the cups in her hand... "Crumbling" should be "crumpling".

...the Lucas’s white garden chair... Just a simple error. It can either be "white garden chair" or "Lucas's chair", since either one works just as well. Though I suggest white garden chair, since it makes Lucas's lost that little more profound.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and may have teared up a little. It's painful, melancholic, and yet so sweet. You did well to capture the sadness and isolation of Melody's delusions without giving it away too soon. I'm definitely going to rec this.

Dear author, that was without doubt one of the best sad one-shots on mibbaland. The comment swapper thingy brought me here and I'm totally not complaining. You showed us the relationship the two of them had and how much she loved him, based on the fact she was the one with the health problem. What I didn't like was the story's title and the summary (because the summary was the start of the chapter, you could have done better). All in all, the chapter itself rocks. ~Marian.

Dear author, that was without doubt one of the best sad one-shots on mibbaland. The comment swapper thingy brought me here and I'm totally not complaining. You showed us the relationship the two of them had and how much she loved him, based on the fact she was the one with the health problem. What I didn't like was the story's title and the summary (because the summary was the start of the chapter, you could have done better). All in all, the chapter itself rocks. ~Marian.

Wow. This definitely brought a tear to my eye. :[ You wrote this piece very well! I'm so sad that we get this glimpse of how well Melody and Lucas got along only to realize that he wasn't really there after all. But I think you captured their relationship and their chemistry very well in such a short time. It started off so casual and light hearted and ended up being really moving. You did a really nice job on this one. :]

Keep writing!

Omg. That was so sad. The end absolutely tore me apart. This was so well written. I loved the layout, the brightness absolutely contradicts the end of the story, but then it really makes sense with what she says at the end. The characters were so deep, and beautiful. While I was reading the beginning, I was trying to figure out why she hated him. Then the end made it so much more obvious. The way you wrote this was so beautiful, and deep and the end made it feel like you were her. Amazing. It was amazing. I didn't see any errors.

Wow. First of all, I love the theme. Fits with the story perfectly. The story itself is perfect. Melody is a charming character and her delusions build layers to who she is. I really have a deep sympathy for her. Lucas was a good husband. This is exceptional. You are a brilliant writer!

It sort of amazed me how I didn't even consider the fact that he was the delusion until you revealed it at the very end. I sort of thought she was just depressed and suicidal, especially when you mentioned that she was sad and they didn't want it to happen again. You're very good at subtle hints, ones that I didn't notice existed until the very end.

Update soon :)

I really like the layout, and the summary really hooked me. :) You have a few little things to fix, for instance, "redhead" is one word, not "red head," and in this sentence: "Melody scoffed, curling up in the garden chair and turning her body away from the handsome man, looking out into the too green yard." I feel it would flow better if you split it up into two sentences and also changed "turning" to "turned", like this: "Melody scoffed, curling up in the garden chair and turned her body away from the handsome man. She looked out into the too-green yard." Also, "too-green" is one word here too. :)

This is a very good story. You put these little details that slowly reveal their history and what's going on now. But man, it killed me in the end. That really hit my heart hard. Geez, I really wasn't expecting that, it's like you're a ninja with writing. Great work. This is the first story I've every recommended. :)

Why, this was lovely. :3 At first, I was just reading, kinda wondering where the story was gonna go because everything seemed normal, though a little off. But then as it went on, little hints were given and revealed the predicament not a minute too soon. It was great how it unfolded, it had some mystery in it. It was playful and lovely and of course, there was sadness at the end. Your prose simple and easy to understand, which is just fantastic. There are some instances where a comma was needed or your grammar was a little off. I can't find the one I wanted to mention, of course. :p Other than that, it's a great piece. It was so sweet how her husband cared for her mental health even in her delusions, he wasn't trying to lead her astray, which leads me to believe that he had been kind to Melody before he died. Aaaaaaand yeah! :) Keep on writing!

This was so sweet, it gave me chills. I felt like I was really there, the imagery is very vivid. I fell in love with this, I hope there's more.
Yet, somehow I couldn't picture Melody with anyone else. Maybe that's because I couldn't picture myself without someone, either.
Anyhow, this is amazing, and beautiful.

That was amazngly beautiful. I don't know maybe I should've been expecting the end but at the same time I didn't so when it came I felt a wave a sympathy for Melody. I was expecting her delusions to be something else. Superb job with this!