Hold my hand and say you love me. - Comments

Comment Swap brought me here.....

The first thing I can see is you need to have more detail. You have a lot of random and not together information. I read it and it is hard for me to stay focused on the story because it is just too choppy.

Another piece of advice is maybe have a summary of what the story is about. I know it is a fan-fic about Blood on the Dance Floor, and I like some of their music, but I just don't know a lot about the members. So maybe a little back story so your readers know where the story starts.

Also instead of having one big paragraph with all the dialoge and nararation. Try having any new person talking on a new line or if it is a new pieve of information try putting it on another line as well.

You have a great start going, just try to develop your concept more and add the detail to keep your readers wanting to read more.

I can't give a lot of help for the story line because as I read, I can't stay attached to it. I am sorry I could be more help with that aspect. But if you like I said, work on the story, detail and the layout of the story tha we are reading, I think you could have a hit.

Okay...comment swap...

I'm sorry...I really am but, I don't like slash.
I really, really don't like slash.
I have nothing against homosexuals and such, no...
but, I just don't. like. slash.

Strange, I know but, moving on.
Your writing style is alright, but, I have no clue what BotDF is so, I'm a little off...
Sorry, the writing...
I just feels kind of rushed, you know? I know that first person P.O.Vs can be hard sometimes but, if you put enough detail and time into it, it can turn out really well.

Anyway, I only read a bit, saying as, like I said before, I don't like slash. It's just not my cup-of-tea...
and, when I heard there was an actual sex-scene...well...that really turned me off toward it.
Why? Simple.
I'm just not into that sort of fic.
Sorry, but, I'm not. I'm know there's a crowd for it (a very extensive crowd, mind you) but, I'm not one of them.

So, overall, I'm sorry that I'm no real help, saying as I don't really care for this type of fic, and do not know the fandom either. All I can say is, try not to rush it, and good luck n_n~*

Blood On the Dance Floor..... Not a huge fan.... Comment Swap brought me here... If you want some advice indent more! Anyways it sounds like a fan fic and keep on trying harder! I'm surprised you only have 4 comments! Slashes are usually really popular XD anyways keep on working and hard!~ Comment Swap brought me here!

I'm really not a BOTDF fan, so I was extremely weary about reading this. I love slash though, so I went ahead with it. And I'm really sorry, but it just didn't grab my attention at all. It didn't help that everything was written in just one, huge paragraph, without spaces for dialogue. It made it a little difficult to read for me. I think this story could go places if you work harder at it, fix grammar mistakes, and develop the plot line more. Keep working at it, though!

Okay, let me be honest. I TOTALLY hate BOTDF. So I had a hard time reading this. I couldn't read this. I'm sorry. I feel like a little b-word because of it, but I can't swallow the fact that I have to read about it. But I will admit... I read the sex scence xD Just because I'm a dork. Lol
-Kaitlynn, Comment Swap

Um, honestly, I can't handle reading a fan-fic slash knowing one of the boys aren't gay. I can't really go through with this, but I bet it's a good story and you should continue it no matter what people say :o

I'm not really in to these stories so I when I got sent to this boy on boy Fanfiction through Comment Swap I was a bit disappointed, although the plot is good and I am a fan of BOTDF, I justy didn't enjoy it :/ Sorry