For a Horizon - Comments

It's been some time since my last comment swap and I put this aside and just got the time to read it. I'm glad I did. What you did in this short piece is capturing the reality of an affair. Like, you didn't give much detail but you did say enough and I really liked how fast I got pulled into it. I was hoping it would be more. And I also like that it's just two people; no names.

Usually I don't like short chapters because I feel like it's the authors way of rushing out a new chapter, but yours was very well written and had a lot of detail without actually going into detail. I love it and will definitely continue to read!

I always admire authors who are able to pack a punch in a small amount of words, and my god, you’ve done that so well here! There’s just enough information so that I know what’s going on, but it leaves some to the imagination – it’s like a snapshot of these lives. And I actually like the lack of description; I feel like an abundance of flowery language would’ve detracted from the raw emotion going on in the scene, which I thought was the main focus. Anyways, great job! :)

Comment swappper;

There was very little description. But what you did had was fantastic. In fact this segment caught my eye the most: "She cards a hand through her short hair, shaking her head. Her engagement ring glistens in the light." I adored the way you portrayed her emotions through every word, and fine little descriptions. I couldn't even feel her regret. and sorrows through the dialogue as much as I could feel his slight heart break. This was brilliantly written. And for the most part, you pulled off writing in present tense. It's always refreshing to read something new.

Comment swap here!

First off, I really love the layout. I normally wouldn't read a story like this, but I thoroughly enjoyed this. Your writing is great, and I could really feel the emotion in it. I also loved the part where the girl said she deserves to be caught by her husband. That caught me off guard, but I loved it.

Very good read!

Here from Comment Swap~

Not one to comment on the layout, but I really loved yours. It was incredibly refreshing compared to some of the others I've seen on here.

That aside, I am utterly in love with this story. I have a bit of experience in this sort of situation, so I was in absolute disbelief when I found that you were able to capture every single one of the emotions I felt after everything happened, much like the way this girl is feeling. You could definately make a full chaptered story out of this. I realize this was for a contest, but I think you've indirectly set it up to write more. Of course, you don't have to take my suggestion, but I think you could make a fantastic story out of this. You're a bloody brilliant writer, dear. Keep up the great work! xx

Definitely a fan as of now! :) please update soon

Comment Swap.

She’s old enough to know better, and he’s just young enough to not give a shit. - I loved this line, this was like a perfect description of a confusing and troubling relationship that is wrong, yet right at the same time.

Woo ex-student teacher affair, intense. This is a great story, the dialogue is so realistic. The whole thing in general is probably pretty realistic. Blown away here by your work, I hope you did/do well in the contest you have entered this in.

Cause you deserve to win. Great story.
=D The ending of this was excellent too. Great work!

This is a great short story. Powerful subject matter and very well-written. Kudos for writing completely in the present tense, I have major difficulty doing that, so I'm extremely impressed.

As a story, it was good. I like how it explores our humanity and that we, as people, make mistakes.

Great work!

Oooh oh oh!! I loved this!!!
First, the layout. Wonderful. Wonderfully simplistic, easy to read, and I felt like the blue background and the white bed went with the atmosphere of the story.
I'm not going to lie... I love her. I love the fact that she has a fiancé, acknowledges the fact that she's doing wrong, and also acknowledges the fact that while she's in love, she will continued the affair, and she knows she also deserves the repercussions that come with him finding out. I love the fact that for once the woman was the "bad guy" and the man was the one in love with her and knows it's wrong, but isn't rude to her. Also the whole exstudent/teacher thing... That was a great detail to add in there.
So this was wonderful :)

Firstly i really like the layout because it's unique. I like how you actually managed present tense because not even I can write present tense because it gets mixed with past tense and this first chapter was very well written :)
I'm unsure if there is a little clue about what could possibly happen because wouldn't it be a little too obvious if she were to get caught by her fiancee and that was it?
But overall, I like the start and I'm excited to read more :3

I don’t really like the story but you wrote it well. For an example
“She throws her blue dress on. Birds are still flying by the window. “I’m going.”

“You’ll come back though, you always end up coming back here.”

She looks at him then. Her dark eyes meet his, and she smiles softly despite herself. “I know,” is all she says. It’s all she can say.

“He’ll find out one day.” He reaches for her hand as she walks past, but she pulls away.

“Yeah, he probably will.” She opens the door and steps through. She turns back to face him, to face her demons. “I deserve that much.”
I could feel that it was tense.

i meant does give a shit. sorry

i meant does give a shit. sorry

al right your tone and cahracters, the style you use, just dont make sense. you say the boy does give a shit? yet he thinks of sex as making love? see how the tone of voice makes him look bad yet he sounds more innocent our careless then a guy who doesn't give a shit. i would describe him more a you and foolish, instead of the way you described him. also these two just had sex, i'm pretty sure they would be out of breathe and sweaty. you also didn't set the scene, mention key items around the room that can add to you characters portfolio. thank you for the read

Wow I could feel tension throughout the whole entire thing. While this isn't the type of story I'd normally read, I think tat you did a really good job on it when it came down to setting an emotion. Also, your characters seemed well rounded with their stories behind them even though there wasn't a whole lot told about them, just the specific things to make an impact.

Extremely well written, short but poignant. Definitely a story that will keep me thinking.

This actually struck a chord with me. My boyfriend cheated on me about a month ago, and though I've found my closure, this still struck a nerve, and being able to evoke that kind of emotional response from a reader is a feat. Great job, I really enjoyed this piece.

Kind of sad, I've never had an affair, but it made me feel like I myself was experiencing an affair. It was tense and very very dramatic. Short. But I think because it was short is what gave it such a intense feeling.

Wow, good job. That was very well written. I would look over it - a saw a few mistakes, but very well written! There was a lot revealed in that one piece. I like how it just starts out with two people in bed, but by the end you find out she's cheating in her fiancée with an ex student. Keep up the great work. :D