Eponey 2 - Comments

Alright, so comment swap led me here. Firstly, your layout is so bright, it make my eyes sting even though this is only short. I suggest darkening it a bit. Secondly, the title was a little weird, I don't get it. Your summary doesn't describe the story, and it doesn't draw the reader in either. You have numerous grammatical and capitalization errors. I suggest re reading this and fixing it up. I'm not in anyway saying that you're a bad writer though, and please don't think I'm being harsh. I just think that you need to proof read some more, this has potential.

[Comment swap] Hi. Well, I don't really know how to comment on this, because I don't understand anything. I know that there are prequels before it, but I honestly don't get what's going on here. The summary didn't describe the story like it's supposed to, and the layout is a little too bright for me to read clearly.

The grammar seemed okay, with a few mistakes here and there. If this story ends up making sense, I would also strongly recommend some input of description, as well as some detail on the characters' personalities--directly or indirectly. A prettier, easy-to-read layout would also help the vibe of the story a lot more. I think this could end up being an interesting story if I got to know the characters more, learned about the plot, and had more vivid pictures painted in my mind.

I agree with everything losing control. said. I had lots of questions reading the chapters. I don't know anything about the main character, and it doesn't seem like I will. I'm also intriuged to find out what the title means in relation to the story. Answering the important questions is vital if you want some better feedback from your readers. Like the other user said, the dialogue seemed formal and awkward, which made it hard to understand how they were trying to get their point across.

Good luck!

Hello there. :) I was brought here from comment swap. I don't like this at all, sorry but I don't. The summary was boring and not interesting at all. You didn't describe your characters or where they stand. I absolutely agree with everything the user below wrote to her comment. You better fix this or else negative comments will keep on coming. Keep on writing but try getting better at it. That's all.

Alright, so I get that this is a sequel, but I feel like you should have explained what was going on at the beginning of the story. Were they back to school after summer or a break? Who were the characters? What's the name of the main character and what kind of fantasy creature are they exactly? I don't really feel like I can comment much on the plot because I don't really know anything about it.

The summary felt less like a summary and more like the first couple sentences in the chapter. The summary is there so you can introduce tour story to your reader and draw them in and make them want to read it.

You had a few spelling mistakes, but the one that stood out the most to me is you said "once" instead of "ones" many times. There was also "of course" somewhere that you spelled "ofcoarse"

The way the characters were speaking seemed very formal and proper, which was a little awkward to read for me. Of course I'm not sure if they're in a faraway land where everyone talks like that or if they're back in the middle ages, but it didn't seem like teenagers, or even young adults woud talk like that.

Anyways, I really hope you don't think I was being incredibly mean or anything like that. This story seems to have lots of potential, I think it just needs to be edited a bit and have a bit of a clearer plot :)