The Feathered Antique - Comments

:) I've only read the prologue and I really got hooked even just by the summary. I like your writing style. And this idea is really interesting. I'll be reading the rest and subscribing for sure!

Keep up the great work!

Comment swapper here! This story was really hard for me to follow. (Not all that unusual for me, though.) However from what I read, you've got great attention to detail and a really nice writing style that I enjoyed keep up the good work! (Question: If this is around WW2, why does she have a phone to use to call if she needed anything? I'm confused.)

I think that your style of writing is absolutely fabulous! It's very detailed, I could picture what was going on very well. The idea is quite unique, and the metaphor's make it seem more like a work of art than a story, if that makes any sense. Keep writing and keep up the amazing work!

Okay, let's get right down to it!

I love your style of writing. The way you describe things makes it really clear to know the setting, and I love that.

As for the characters, I'm so in love with Alex. I don't know what it is about him, but his character just makes me smile. I guess it's because he's so blunt, and that kind of reminds me of myself.

I didn't see a lot of spelling/punctuation errors, except “Nar, Mum should buy me something new to where soon.” "where" should be "wear", but that was the only thing I saw.

Overall, even though this isn't particularly my type of story, it was very interesting, and very well written.

Oh, and "Jelly-doughnuts" (:

I believe you write very well. Your story is very creative. I think it's great! :)

Ok maybe I judged too fast. Your writing is very good it just takes a minute to get used to

Your writing was very descriptive and full of imagery but for some reason I had trouble understanding what was going on throughout. I was trying to figure out who was talking to who and whether the guy was talking to himself. The analogies were... weird. Sorry if i sound mean Right now but im just trying to put my thoughts on paper, or screen i guess. Maybe I need to read it over and see if I can understand it better because for some reason it just wasn't flowing for me.

This story is a bit... off. I wasn't sure who was who and what situation they were in. All of the metaphors were throwing me off. When you're writing a paragraph, try not to use an extreme amount of imagery either. I will say the idea is quite interesting, but you need to smooth some rough edges on the writing.

Comment swap brought me here. The idea behind the story is a good one. I like the fact that you use imagery and metaphor so artistically, but the amount of description in the story made it a little hard to read - especially when it would switch automatically to dialogue without warning. You also switch back and forth between past and present tense.

Aside from those three things, this was well-written and you really do have incredible talent.

Keep up the great work :)

This seems like a really cool concept, and I like how you introduce the story. (Quick typo: in the summary, you've put believe that only Jewish people where not human, and I think you mean were, not where.)

I really like your description in the prolouge, espessially Flakes of gold sunlight wobble on the black and blue ocean beneath the sun. You seem to have a confident grasp of imagery and metaphor, and it's very easy to visualise the setting.

Matthew and Priar both seem like interesting characters, and I'm intriged by both of them. I like how you made it clear that they weren't ordinary people without saying what they actually were, which adds to the mystery of them.

This is very interesting, I've gotta say I had some difficulty reading the beginning, if it was because of your writing or my horrible reading I don't know but it was very descriptive. This makes you want to read on, with the information I've got I'm assuming they're Vampires? I don't know but anyways good story! Cupcakes are nice you know. :3 Oh btw my name's Matthew too haha :D

Two things about the prologue really stood out for me; the descriptive language and the ending. I felt the whole chapter was building to the end, and it was an excellent last line. So far the plot seems very unique, which is a big bonus. The first chapter moved quickly enough to keep my interest, but not so fast that it became rushed. Excellent work!

:0 keep writing please , this is getting goood

I love cupcakes, let's just get that out of the way.
I have never read anything by anyone that uses similes and metaphors so flawlessly as your piece does. The concept, I give a 10/10 because, I mean my God, where did you come up with an idea like that? It's ridiculously unique and to tackle a plot like that is a challenge and you're doing one hell of a job (not sarcasm). Keep up the good work and stay gold!

uh, cupcakes. c:
Your descriptions are amazing. This first captor makes me want to keep reading, which I will. I like the name Prair because it's really unique. I liked how you kept the sunset through out the chapter. c:

I love the first paragraph, it really draws the reader in and makes you wonder what's going to happen next!

I love the description, great imagery, it's really good. I can picture everything so clearly in my mind.

I'm not a fan of stories written in present tense but I have to admit this is a great story :)

Comment Swap!

Your first few lines could use some touching up, it didn’t quite intrigue me, but the second paragraph got me excite and I kept reading. You lack some descriptions in certain areas, just remember that you have to trap us in your story and stop us from wondering off. There are also spots that seem to skip as if it was a scratched disk. Read this out to yourself aloud and see if you can notice what I have. Using a lot more similes will add to your characters profile, mention key items like clothing, shoe laces that need tying, the way their hair is done or if their rooms are clean. Slowly build a character one brick at a time and you’ll keep the reads following you. The tone you are using is very well done and suits your story but I would match the tone every chapter depending on the main character’s behaviour. This will make the reader assume how this character feels in the room, towards someone, or the idea of a certain thought, giving us the insight we need to become emotionally attached towards them.

Thanks for the read and I hope you keep writing because this has potential.

Comment Swap! :3

I admit the title made me a bit weary of what it might be about but after reading through the first paragraph I thought it was brilliant already and then I got deeper into the story line; the whole story itself intrigued me to read on so I did. I love this story so much but it wouldn't be the type of story I would read voluntarily. I just love the why you have wrote the whole story, the way you word it is just magnificent, it really truly is. I honestly have no words to describe how much I just wanted to read on but I couldn’t since you only have two chapters. I’m going to recommend and subscribe because I am an awesome person and I really do hope people think the same as me about this story you have wrote and I also hope you finish this soon since I think it’ll improve your writing to make the audience reading it more at one with the characters if you know what I mean? Well, anyway you just need to open up a little bit more in your writing, take time writing it and don’t move everything ahead so much in such a short amount of time.

Comment swap!

Alright so I think that your story is really good, you are a great writer (which is plastered up and down this comments section but just in case you forgot!) but I really liked your style and your descriptions are absolutely breathtaking. I love it. The only thing that I think I can say negative about this story is that it didn't draw me in as much as I wanted it to, given it is very different from what I usually read and that's probably why, I had a hard time getting through some bits...

Overall, I thought that it was really good once I got into it, my only suggestion would be to keep it a little more open in the first chapter to keep people reading, I think that you're a great writer but the first chapter was almost intimidating to read. Great story though! (:

Wow this was a good read! First, you're a really good writer, and there's not many of those on the site, so good job there. The story idea is also really creative and original. Your use of descriptions is very well done, and I really enjoyed your characters. Good job!