The Feathered Antique - Comments

Cupcakes? haha.

First of all I love this. I absolutely do. I love your descriptions and the words you use. It flows so effortlessly.

I esspecially love The sky is smudged with orange and pink as the sun begins to dip into the oil stained sea. It's wonderful in its own right.

In the prologue you have Mathew shots his hand out and I think you mean shoots his hand out.

When chapter one starts I love how it's a complete step away from the prologue. It makes you wonder what happened between the two parts.

and a moustache of salty water is licked from his lip I cringed. I really did.

Also buy me something new to where soon you used the wrong where. you meant wear if i'm correct.

The prologue did confuse me a bit. I wasn't sure if he was talking to himself at first or what. I'm still not sure. Chapter 1 is really great though.

I hope you finish this!

~Comment Swap~
So I will confess that the title sort of threw me off when it came up on comment swap, but the summary really drew me in. You have some great descriptions and this is a very original story idea. I like the blend of fantasy and history. The prologue was interesting but it did sort of confuse me in places. Still I wish you luck with this and I'm subscribing.

First thing i would like to say is Cupcakes.
Anyways, i defiantly enjoyed the read it was a good interesting story.One of the things i discuss with my writers group is how unoriginal most Fantasy's are but I'm happy to say that isn't the case here.Historical Fantasy is hard to pull off so kudos to you. However I did find a good amount of spelling mistakes and some of the sentences just didn't make sense but i suspect most of it is simply because of the fact that we are from different countries. I would also watch out with your descriptions sometimes less is more. But good job over all continue breathing new life into the fantasy genre.

Cupcake! Heehee.

Anyway, I really liked the first chapter that I read. :) It was a bit confusing as to who was talking at times, but other than that it was awesome! I loved the detail, and the way you worded everything. It was truly mesmerizing. I shall subscribe for more, kid.

Comment swap ~

I highly enjoyed what you have written. I wanted to keep reading and I'm not just saying that.

I really like the idea so far. Highly original, and the tie in of real historical events makes it interesting. I'm eager to see where this is going. There are a few grammatical or spelling errors in there, but not so many that it takes away from the story. I also really like how descriptive it is without being overly so. Keep on writing :)

This is probably one of the more original stories I've read here on mibba and I have to say, I like it. Your imagery is incredible. I can see the city and the skyscraper and the streets below in my mind, which is a huge accomplishment. Like miss crysta said, there were a few typos, nothing too bad, so don't worry too much c: I did think the summary could use a little work, I like the overall way you did it, but it doesn't have to be so specific, especially since in the first two chapters you didn't talk about magic all that much. Summary's are supposed to hint at what's going on and introduce you to the characters without giving too much away. But that is actually it. Everything else is wonderful, you have an amazing gift dear.
and by the way, cupcake c:

This is my first time doing a comment swap, so I hope I can do the system justice.

My first thought when I saw the title was "That sounds like an interesting title, I'm guessing it's fantasy based."

After checking out the summary I can see I am somewhat right, lol. The summary actually intrigued me, I haven't found a story quite like this one yet so I'm excited to see how it goes.

I thought that the opening paragraph was a good place to open the story and I see the potential growing.

There is good imagery in this and excellent descriptions. This story comes off very professionally written to me, compared to many stories on here. Good vocabulary too by the way.

Overall, I thought this story was nicely written and has a strong beginning. A few typos, but nothing that made me really want to harp on you, heck you have less mistake than I do, in any case just a quick read through and you'd probably find the few tiny errors.

Keep writing.
=D

Comment Swap!

This isn’t the type of story that I normally read, although there were some errors, there is a great potential here! I hope that this story will go far and that you keep up with it. I know that sometimes I can be impatient when it comes to people updating, but that’s usually when I really love a story! You have a great thing with this and I hope you can finish it!

Another thing you could do is to save it as a draft, come back at a later time and reread it to make sure it makes sense. That would probably help as well. I hope that everything will be changed so that there aren’t any errors, but we’re all human and make mistakes. Another thing to think about is to possibly make the chapters longer, or make the paragraphs longer and go more in depth. It can help with understanding when it comes to it.

I love the layout and the very interesting names, I hadn’t heard of them before and it really is interesting when you think about it! Although I’ve never been a fan of prologues I believe that you did it in a way that would make me interested more if I had to wait for the second chapter!

I don't like cupcakes. And that is a blatant lie. Anyhow.

Once or twice you used loose when you meant lose in your story, one time towards the end of your chapter.

This was interesting to read; I liked your MCs first name. Prair, can't say I've seen that before.

Some of the sentence structures could use a tiny bit of tweaking, not much, just to give it a better flow. You've got a good hook here. Your readers get curious, they want to know just what these beings are. It's a good hook. Best of luck with this!!

Comment Swap~~

Your story is so different from any other I've read, and I definitely agree Z Loan, that you've got so much talent. You have a lot of potential, but there are a few little mistakes that I caught in your writing. All I suggest is that you edit very precisely, making sure that there are no spelling mistakes or anything of the kind. Great story!

Firstly, I love your background because its simple and I love the anime girl in the background!
secondly, the summary is a little revealing and it need to be short and to the point as well as making us guess what could happen :)
Where it says 'The window is declines' in the second chapter didn't make sense xD Also where is it says 'plain blue jeans that cover her nephew' I though Elika would be a niece? xD
But over all that's all that confused me So keep writting :)

Amazing story, cant wait to read more.
You got so much talent.

Comment swap!

This isn't something that I'd usually read, but I actually quite enjoyed it.

I liked the introduction paragraph in the prologue. A great way to start and draw people in. The descriptive way in which you write is captivating and creates some great imagery. I didn't notice too many mistakes, other than a tense change (perhaps a typo) here -

"Mathew scratched his charcoal hair and straightens his tie" - Scratched should be scratches, since the rest is in present tense.

And here: "a chance to loose doubt". The word should be lose.

Other than that, great writing! Interesting story.

I didn't notice any obvious spelling or grammar errors (says the person who had to use spell check to spell grammar right), and I like the layout because it's simple and it doesn't kill my eyes like a lot of them do.

Your summary is very nice, but you'd might want to divide it up into one or two smaller paragraphs, reading all the words squished together is rather eye straining.

You're story is interesting enough, and I'd like to see what happens next, but there were a few things in the chapters that confused me just because of wording, but then again that might just be my speed reading.

Comment swapper! -)

When I read your summary I thought the story sounded really interesting! I do believe that the summary does give a little too much away. I feel like I could start in the middle of your story and still know what is going on. But the idea is there and as I said before, its a good idea!

I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors other than what was pointed out already in the comments.

But keep up the good work on your story!

Here from comment swap :)

I really liked your it was simple and sounded really pretty. The problem I have with it is that so far, it doesn't really seem like it goes with your story. Your story seems dark and the title seemed light, I guess. The summary also seemed to give a bit too much away. I feel like I know what the whole stories going to be like now, which makes me want to read it less.
l
I wasn't a huge fan of the layout, but it didn't distract from the story or anything like that. I just don't really like layouts with pictures like that in general.

"my seem a bit bleak"
"my" should be "may", I'm assuming. Other than that, your punctuation and grammar seemed good. Your descriptions were very nice as well, but there were a few spots where the descriptions were a bit wordy and jumping from each description was pretty choppy.

Overall, well done with this. It isn't really the type of story I would normally read, but it was well written and interesting. Good luck with the rest of it! :)

Comment Swapper!:)

I really liked this! The summary could use some revision. The layout is amazing and your writing is great! You have a real way with description! I am definitely going to recommend this! I have to say that fantasy isn't really my thing, but this kept me interested all the same! Great job! :)