Firstly, I'm not the biggest fan of the layout. It looks a bit higglety-pigglety, but that doesn't indicate the writing style, so it isn't that important. I'd maybe look at changing it a little though, as some people can be turned away from stories by that.
You have quite a few spelling and grammar errors that I found whilst skim-reading. After continuing to walk, it should be a full stop, and I wanted should be the start of a new sentence. Even you're family should be even your family, and the same goes for the you're after that sentence. If you are ever unsure of the you're and your argument, I'd have a look online before writing, or use an online grammar check. I'd suggest looking over the chapters with a fine-toothed comb and looking for any grammar errors that you can see.
On the story-telling side of things, however, you have quite a unique writing style, and your storyline seems to be very well thought-out. You develop the characters well, even in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. I think with a little more work on grammar, and perhaps a tiny little bit more description (although your description as it stands at the moment is pretty good), this could be a fabulous story. Good luck! :)
Firstly, I'm not the biggest fan of the layout. It looks a bit higglety-pigglety, but that doesn't indicate the writing style, so it isn't that important. I'd maybe look at changing it a little though, as some people can be turned away from stories by that.
You have quite a few spelling and grammar errors that I found whilst skim-reading. After continuing to walk, it should be a full stop, and I wanted should be the start of a new sentence. Even you're family should be even your family, and the same goes for the you're after that sentence. If you are ever unsure of the you're and your argument, I'd have a look online before writing, or use an online grammar check. I'd suggest looking over the chapters with a fine-toothed comb and looking for any grammar errors that you can see.
On the story-telling side of things, however, you have quite a unique writing style, and your storyline seems to be very well thought-out. You develop the characters well, even in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. I think with a little more work on grammar, and perhaps a tiny little bit more description (although your description as it stands at the moment is pretty good), this could be a fabulous story. Good luck! :)